Tag Archives: girls

Anything Girls Can Do, Fake Girls Can Do Better

11 Saturday May 2019

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This really could be the end of women’s sports. But, at least we’re getting a better picture of the SJW social hierarchy. Trans “girls” top real girls. Get that straight – no pun intended.

When two high school athletes who were born male but identify as female took first and second place at Connecticut’s girls indoor track championship this year, it wasn’t just a local news story.

To some, it was a story of triumph and courage. The winner, a junior from Bloomfield High School, set a girls state indoor record of 6.95 seconds in the 55-meter dash, and went on to win the New England titles in both the 55-meter dash and the 300-meter dash.

To others, it was a story of shock and disappointment: Is this the end of women’s sports?

To Selina Soule, a 16-year-old runner from Glastonbury, it was personal.

A junior, Selina missed qualifying for the 55-meter in the New England regionals by two spots. Two spots, she said, that were taken by biological boys.

Had the boys who identify as girls not been allowed to compete, Selina would have placed sixth, qualifying to run the 55 in front of college coaches at the New England regionals.

Instead, she placed eighth, watching the 55 from the sidelines after qualifying in only the long jump, an event in which the transgender athletes didn’t compete.

“It’s very frustrating and heartbreaking when us girls are at the start of the race and we already know that these athletes are going to come out and win no matter how hard you try,” Selina told The Daily Signal. “They took away the spots of deserving girls, athletes … me being included.”F

While the debate over transgender athletes and fairness is complex, the situation in Connecticut has brought forth another complicating layer: Plenty of parents and high school girls appear to object to the participation of biological boys in girls sports, but fearing public bullying and backlash, they’re not speaking out.

Publicly, at least.

The stakes of remaining silent are high: Policies are being formed in real time at the local, state, and federal levels regarding transgender individuals, student athletes, and sports.

Most prominently, on March 13, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi introduced HR 5, the Equality Act, a bill that would add “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” as protected classes under federal civil rights law.

The legislation would create a civil right for male athletes to self-identify as females at any time, critics say, without any evidence of physical changes to their bodies.

Private schools. Private sporting leagues. It’s past time to hop off the dead popular and “legal” culture. With this issue, second place is dead last.

Top 10 Places to Girl Watch in Tampa in the Spring

19 Sunday Mar 2017

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Spring is about to spring. And that means the young lovelies will be out in force. If you’re in the big Gulf Coast Mecca of fun, I have a few places to check out for the checking out. These are presented in no particular order. And, yes, this is a “bad” Perrin posting…

Ten. Davidoff Super Store

Boy Scout Road, across from International. The best times for watching (and playing) are Thursday, Friday, and Saturdays after 11 PM. They eat at the foo foo places in the vicinity and then saunter over. ALWAYS a good time! Even if it’s not prime time, 2 million+ cigars in stock are worth the trip. *Note: the bar and wait staff, after 11 AM, are awesome. Sometimes there are special events with special ladies. The nights are girl-friendly happy hours. **Note: In the days, at the bar, enjoy yourselves, but know that if you rub the hostesses the wrong way, Ed, Mark, Yours Truly, and 15 other dedicated “regulars’ will stomp your a$$.

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Anytime really…

Nine. Publix

Seriously. Publix supermarkets. Any one. I especially like the ones on Dale Mabry. Any time is good though after 4 PM seems to be prime time. Fresh Market on Henderson has also been known to attract a bevy…

Eight. Bayshore

Any day of the year. Any time of day. A week or so back I attempted to bike from Downtown to Ballast Point. I remember little aside from the bouncing happiness…

Seven. Gandy Bridge Beach

I have never stopped on the route – a few miles across the Bay. Glancing from side to side I see nothing but bikinis between the mangroves and 4X4s. A microcosmic “Redneck Riviera”. And the Gandy-686-688 corridor leads too…

Six. Indian Rocks Beach

All the beaches are great; I just love this one. I recommend the area from 12th Ave. to the big, public parking … park, north of 688 on 699. Again, it’s any day, any time, any time of year. Lulu’s and Crabby Bill’s also provide a good experience (with excellent food and drinks).

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Yeah. A covert “selfie” works sometimes…

Five. LA Fitness

I really hate the place. They “want me back” and I don’t care. Bad service, Guidos, and assorted trash – not working out but loudly taking up space. Of course, there are an abundance of gym bunnies hopping around. And, of course, I speak of the Signature Club on S. D.M. Hwy.

Four. Downtown

I especially hate downtown. Not just in this city. Any downtown, other than Boston or NYC after midnight, sucks. Still, if one ventures into one of the many crowded bars in the area between the canal/little Bay and Ybor, expect to be entertained. This also applies to Channelside and SOHO (which, IMHO, really sucks)…

Three. Da Clubs

Okay. If you’re desperate, lazy, bored, or low “game”, then there is always the consistency of Mons or THEE Doll House, etc. There’s a system of how these places work; don’t be a fool, unless you have money to burn and loads of time to waste. *Note: Tarot cards, shiny objects, and other trivial BS go a long way towards attracting the native working girls.

Two. International Mall

All the malls really… Westshore, and especially the International, bring them out. 24/7 – as long as the place is open – it’s wall-to-wall women. Seriously, it is nothing but (90%) hotties, (9.9%) dandy fags, and men like me (usually being led around by a woman or a gaggle of spend-happy teenage girls). Best area is the food court, the tables by the restaurants, perhaps centered up around the Japanese place.

One. Everywhere else

Anywhere else. It’s all good territory. I just learned that Hillsborough and Pinellas Counties have ordinances against fat and/or unattractive women.

Happy hunting. You can thank me later. The political madness and cigar mania will resume tomorrow.

Girls and Golden Guns

07 Sunday Aug 2016

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To hear the hysterical, lunatic left tell it, America is a war zone, constantly awash in violence and populated by the most deadly and dangerous people to ever live. Reality bears little resemblance although we are among the most heavily armed people on earth. Armed citizens and freedom are directly correlated. Thus, until recently, Americans enjoyed freedom as few have in history. Lately, things change. The guns are still here but the people have become obsessed with triviality. Stumbling around, looking for Pokemon, getting tattoos, eating sugar-fried fat with extra butter, worshiping at the false alters of television and political lies have all taken their toll on Americans.

Still, hope lives on. Virginia Thrasher, a nineteen-year old woman from Virginia, took the first gold medal in the Rio Olympics yesterday. She outperformed the world’s best in shooting – 10m air rifle. Thrasher thrashed her opponents, including two previous gold medalists from China.

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Yahoo News.

Surprisingly, despite being so heavily armed, Americans have not dominated shooting sports as one might expect. At least not in recent decades. Our shooters face tremendous competition from Europe, Russia, and Asia. American women have fared a little better than American men.

Ms. Thrasher credits her grandfather with sparking her interest in shooting; she began deer hunting in eight grade.

“I got my first deer and I liked the adrenaline of pulling the trigger,” she said.

She then joined her high school air rifle team and was recruited by West Virginia University, where she became a national collegiate champion as a freshman this year.

With her non-nonsense style, Thrasher seemed unfazed by her seasoned field and consistently scored in the 10 points target area over the 20 rounds.

Afterwards, she noted that she had not attended the Olympics’ opening ceremony Friday night and had instead gone to bed early for her Olympic debut.

Like all American shooters, Thrasher faced the inevitable question of what she thinks about gun control in the United States, a hot-button issue in this election year.

She responded matter of factly that the controversy over guns in America “really is just distracting from our sport, which is very different.”

She’s right about the disconnect between Olympic shooting and gun control. Even in countries with stringent freedom controls, shooting is still a sport. Some of those countries (France, China, etc.) excel on the range.

Her story is one of millions in the U.S. Yet, it highlights the importance of teaching our young, from an early age, the value and joy of firearms. My daughter first plinked with a bolt-action .22 at the age of eight. Fathers, mothers, grandfathers, and other elders must continue to instill in our children, boys and girls, the love of guns and shooting.

That way, young girls may continue to experience the thrill of the hunt and dream of world-class competition. The left can continue to dream too – a nightmare of their twisted imagination where criminals and terrorists are constantly at risk and an indomitable people resist tyranny through forceful freedom.

Congratulations, Mrs. Thrasher. Thank you for carrying on our golden traditions.

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*The gag “ad(s)” above this line are endorsed by Perrin Lovett; those below are not.

Post Masters Wrap and More

22 Wednesday Apr 2015

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I survived another Masters Tournament!  And what an affair it was – one of the best in great period of bests!  Tiger didn’t win but he did greatly improve over his recent forays. None of my favorites made it either.  Hats off to Jordan Spieth.  What a showing!

The show over at the Hooters’s tent on Washington Road was outstanding as well:

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(The one and only John Daly made it to the Top Shelf Cigar table.  Thanks Big John!)

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(My friend’s band, Shinebox, entertained.)

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(How about John Daly performing with Shinebox!?)

Seriously, who knew Daly can sing?  He sang Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door by Bob Dylan. And, he was good.  That’s Big John in the above picture on the left.  I have a video of the whole song.  Shinebox is disappointed as you must be that I lack the technological know how to post it.  It’s coming along with blog-related videos.  Remember, I have the tech skills of a possum.

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(Perrin working on this post…  Google.)

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(Doug (drummer) and I pre-Daly show.)

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(It was a great week.  Join us next year.)

As a happy aside – we just celebrated tax day!  Another best of best days but some are perplexed: “As they rush to file their taxes by April 15, Americans are rightfully frustrated with the complexity of the 74,608-page-long federal tax code.”  The Not-So-Affordable Care Act (just another tax) added a measly three thousand pages…  What’s there to complain about?

Today I published An Unexpected Gift: Christmas at the Supreme Court, a celebration of the Court’s ruling in Rodriguez vs. United States, April 21, 2015.  Give it a read.  I’m working on a few more heavy hitters, one of which might make it out today.  Stay tuned.

 

 

Misguided Education

20 Saturday Apr 2013

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A while back I wrote a piece about my journey through undergraduate school at the University of Georgia (“UGA”).  I recently dredged up my transcripts from that experience and thought I would share the same with you – with commentary!  Here follows a hilarious, self-deprecating look at the mistakes I made in Athens.

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(UGA.)

As I related before, I majored in the wrong things and failed to realize my mistakes until it was too late.  My grades reflected accordingly – I graduated with a “C” average.  Considering how I felt about studying and how little I did, that “C” seems like a miracle.  Also, I unofficially majored in girls, beer, and trail running/weight lifting; I worked full-time the last two years as well.

UGA is a great school, one of only 21 schools in America which received an “A” based on their required core curriculum.  I think the requirements were a little different when I was there – last century – but I still had the opportunity for a first class education.  My point here to two-fold: first, I want to entertain you by making fun of my foibles in college; second, and more importantly, I hope some of my younger readers may benefit from my mistakes so as to prevent a few of their own.

Fall Quarter, Year 1

I got a “B” in English 101 (composition).  I write a lot and read well so this was no surprise.  I recall the professor was a hot ex-business executive who decided she wanted to teach English.  I got a C in Sociology.  I hated this class and was terribly bored throughout.  I gave it no effort – which, if I recall, was all it warranted.  I made my only F, ever, in College Algebra.  I can’t remember why I had to take this class in the first place.  I did fairly well in math in high school.  I think it was a weed-out class and it almost got me.  I understood most of the crap in the classes but the tests were all administered by a computer with an incomprehensible software system.  I suppose it was designed that way.  Anyway, I learned a valuable lesso … actually, I learned nothing.

Winter Qtr, Year 1

I made a C in Eng 102 – the teacher was nearly as hot as the one from 101.  Surprisingly, I made a C in American Government.  Actually, I was not surprised.  The professor was a nearly brain-dead liberal who “taught” straight from the New York Times, to which we were required to subscribe.  I bet this is how the Times stays in business.  I think my grade would have been higher had I made my term paper more politically correct.  I wrote about American intervention in Bosnia – from my unique perspective.  I wrote the whole affair off as illegal and unnecessary.  Turns out, in hindsight, I was right.  Still got a C.  I got another B in a Geology class of all things.  It was actually fairly interesting … I think.

Spring Qtr, Year 1

The transcripts say I took another Geology class.  Or was it Geography???  I flopped through Microeconomics without much impressive success.  I also took Anthropology 10whatever.  The whole class was devoted to the study of a bunch of primitives in Africa.  It might have featured Barry Sotoro, not sure.

Summer Qtr, Year 1

I met a super hot girl in the Obama class whom I started dating.  She was entirely too good for me and later we broke up.  Okay, she broke up with me.  I deserved it.  Anyway, she was a year ahead of me and I decided to take summer classes in order to try to graduate with her.  I took Western Civilization (to 1500 AD), a class I really liked.  The professor was a righteous dude!  I retook the evil algebra class had no problems this time.  They implemented a new software, just for me!  I started an Intro to Cinema class thinking it would be easy and fun.  It was not.  They expected me to watch movies (that I did) and then analyse all sorts of weird entertainment theories and such.  I dropped it.

Fall Qtr, Year 2

I studied Macroeconomics with the same success as Micro.  Blah.  I took Business Law, which I really enjoyed.  I took a business major-related Pre-Calculus class (trigonometry?) and did much better than in the weed-out crap class.  There was no computer involved.  At the time, I absolutely hated computers, regarding them as evil, silicon-based lifeforms sent to make us miserable.

Winter Qtr, Year 2

Having quit the movies, I took a Theater class.  I recall none of it but the transcripts say I got a B.  I also got a B in MIS (Management Information Solutions??).  We learned there was some sort of new thing on the horizon called the “internet.”  Ever heard of it?  Other than that, all I can recall is the professor stuttering his RRRRRRrrrrrrssssss…  I almost got an A in Calculus!  I should have got the A but I was quite happy with my B(+?).  I was not sure why I didn’t get an A, seems I had a theory at the time.  My secret to success was actually learning the material!  I had to because the professor spoke not one word of English.  I became intimately acquainted with the book.  Everyone was required to take a PE class, pass or fail only.  I took “Walking” because all of the cool classes like scuba and jousting were full.  Turns out “walking” meant speed walking.  I was the only man in the class and was always dead last behind the ladies.  I had a theory.  Anyway, passed it … barely.

Spring Qtr, Year 2

I started and withdrew from a Business Statistics  class, which was the most dreaded class in the Terry School of Business.  It was another computer-driven weeder.  I took Accounting 1 and hated it.  Hated it.  Trying out one of my elective credits, I took  Philosophy 101.  I am philosophy!  I loved it and made my very first A!  I discovered there, that when you love something, it does not feel like work and seems to require no effort.  I wish I had woken up and that point and made better use of my time.  Onward…

Fall Qtr, Year 3

I did not take any summer classes – hottie and I had gone our separate ways.  Anyhow, as the leaves turned I endured another useless Accounting class.  I also muddled through another econ class – Money and Banking.  I liked it (you know I write about monetary issues often) but I did only average, academically.  For another elective I took a Classics class – Roman Culture.  I absolutely loved it!  As with Calc, I narrowly missed an A – I think I overslept for the final exam and only finished part of it.  Anyway, this should have been another wake up moment.  It wasn’t.  However, given my constant recitation of Cicero and Sallust, by the power vested in me, by me, I hereby elevate my grade to an A!  Haha!

Winter Qtr, Year 3

This was a miserable waste of a quarter.  I found myself in a Marketing class.  The high point was discovering the Professor was an avid hiker as was I.  I forced my way through that Statistics class.  Did you know that 60% of all statistics are wrong?  True fact, that.  At some point I walked into the Professor’s office and just asked for a D.  A D and there would be no trouble from ol Perrin.  She, perceiving my blight and perhaps my wrath, consented.  “D” stands for DONE!  My dad was a psychologist.  I am not.  I started a Psychology class and dropped it after being unnerved by the lab experiment – whatever the hell it was…

Spring Qtr, Year 3

The transcripts say I took “Prin of Prod.”  I do not recall what that was.  I didn’t do well, whatever it was.  It matters not at all.  This quarter I took my first major class, Real Estate something.  I only got a B.  that should have told me something.  I’m sure it did but, at the time, I wasn’t listening.

Fall Qtr, Year 4

By only studying the manual which accompanied my fancy calculator the night before the final, I breezed through Finance!  I still have the calculator!  I also did well in some sort of Organizational Behavior (?????) class?  I do not remember it at all.  Unless, it was the one where I interviewed a local business owner (a “Republican” type) only to discover she was a government-loving zombie…  My calculator trick did not work quite as well in my Real Estate Finance class but I made it through.  Another flag ignored.

Winter Qtr, Year 4

I wasted away in another Management class and two Real Estate classes.  I was upset about my grade in RE Development – the only time I ever cared.  Professor C.F. Floyd, a local legend, gave me a B.  I had an A all through the Quarter and had the highest grade on the class project (complete with glowing reviews).  However, Floyd graded my final exam rather low – even though it was a completely subjective essay matter.  Afterwards, when I protested, he said he just didn’t like my subject matter.  I really respected the man but I went to the Dean with an appeal.  The Dean, whose name I do not recall, told me Floyd was the senior-most teacher in all of UGA and I was out of luck.  Sorry, Jack.  I am not.  I hereby elevate my grade to an A! +!  I now have the power and you can just kiss my shrinking ass, buddy.

Spring Qtr, Year 4

This quarter I got my only A in my major (not counting the above post-fact elevation).  It was in Corporate Real Estate.  At the time, I liked the class and thought I had done a great thing.  I since revised my opinion.  Out in the real world, I discovered the class actually did me a grave dis-service.  Based on what we studied, we all seemed to think we would immediately start out in Donald Trump’s shoes.  None of us did.  We were introduced to the “entry-level” world.  Seems I took yet another unremarkable management class and something called “Interviewing” – who knew.  

Summer Qtr, Year 4

Most of my friends took 5 or 6 years to graduate.  With the help of one more summer session, I did it in the traditional four.  Apparently, I took something called ADM Practices.  Does anyone have the slightest idea what that is????  I also took two more Classics electives – Greek Culture and Mythology.  Only at this last hour did I realize my business major mistake.  For an hour or two I contemplated switching majors (or double majoring, maybe) to (in) something more classical – a real education.  I regret not doing so to this day.  Foolishly, I determined I had done all I could and accepted by BBA as was.  Foolish.

I would like to say I have benefitted from that degree but I have not.  It was completely useless.  A friend of mine remarked the other day an undergraduate degree is a certificate which indicates you can sit still and concentrate on something for four years.  It is nothing more – at least a BBA isn’t.  It did not help me get a good job.  It didn’t matter in law school.  It doesn’t matter at all.

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(A real BBA.  Google.)

Should you find yourself in a similar situation, get out now!  Either change what you’re doing or just drop out.  You’ll be glad you did.  You won’t have to sit and stare at your transcripts some day wondering what the hell “ADM” means…

Evans Fitness Club

30 Saturday Mar 2013

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Today I continue my series on good businesses by praising my gym of choice, the Evans Fitness Club (also known as Center or simply “EFC”).  EFC has served as a critical part of my recent life change program and this post will serve as a prelude to the forth-coming detailed analysis of said program.  I hope all of this is of use and motivation to you, my beloved readers.

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One can find EFC at 3002 Allen Drive in the heart of Evans. Georgia; they are online at: http://www.evansfitnessclub.com/. Check them out either way; if you live in the area, you need to join.  They are by far the biggest and best fitness facility in the Augusta area.  In fact, I have seen few clubs anywhere that rival the opulence and excellent design of EFC.  There motto is “bringing big city fitness to your backyard.”  That is exactly what they have done.

The club is the brainchild of “Big” Mike Montarbo and Bill Smith.  Big Mike earned his stripes as a trainer and manager at other local clubs, winning everyone over with his knowledge and charm.  Bill is a legend in the fitness industry, having owned and operated clubs all over the U.S.  I met Bill in the 1980’s when he ran the super-successful BodyTalk club, then the most state of the art facility in the area.  He and I reminisced about the old place when I joined EFC.  Bill’s kids are now in management and continue their father’s tradition of excellence.

I had intended to interview one or both gentlemen before writing this piece and I may still.  I’d also like to have them as a sponsor here, they are most worthy.

First, I’d like to start with the beauty and design of the physical facility.  Here’s a picture of the outside (architectural rendering, I thought I saw a real photo but can’t find it):

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The club is located in the new business park across the street from the new Columbia County Courthouse, Library, and County office complex.  The building is beautiful as well as functional.  It’s surrounded by parking spaces and a second parking lot next door is almost complete – I have never had any trouble finding a spot any time of day.

Inside, the place is a marvel of efficient layouts.  After signing in at the attractive front desk one enters the main training floor.  The center is devoted to an MMA-style “octagon” used constantly by Greubel’s Martial Arts for a variety of exercise and self-defense trainings.  The octagon is wrapped by three separate machine weight areas.  In the center there is an Astroturf running lane of NFL quality.  These areas are enclosed by a walkway/track.  The outside areas are devoted to a huge free weight area, a Smoothie King franchise (can’t beat it!), a medical weight loss office, a spinning studio, racquetball courts, locker rooms, and a massive child care room.

The kiddies can keep fit while mom and dad work out by playing basketball, climbing on numberous inflatable funhouses, and other activities.  They also provide TVs and reading/play areas.  The room is well staffed.

Speaking of TVS – they’re everywhere.  Everywhere.  Digital entertainment is constantly available for those who like it while not being a distraction for those of us who don’t really care.

I can only speak for the men’s locker room but I suspect the ladies have it as good if not better than the men.  Up front there is a relaxing lounge with sofas, tables, a scale, and a huge TV.  The lockers are interspersed around and between the sinks, grooming mirrors, a restroom stalls.  Everything is trimmed in the best materials for a country club like experience.  The back is home to the sauna, the steamroom, and the showers.

I have praised the sauna previously for its theraputic benefits.  The steam room offers similar benefits with a twist.  While the sauna is hotter (around 180 degrees F), the steam room (120ish F) feels warmer and induced instance sweating.  It’s the difference between dry and wet heat.  Both offer general seating and the steam room features a shower for quick clean-up.

The shower showers are a spectacle all to themselves.  To begin with, they’re huge.  An entire cheerleading squad could join a lucky fellow given the space which I estimate at 6X15 feet.  There are 5 water facets, a rain-like fixture overhead and four positionable jets on the sides.  Complimentary shampoo, conditioner, and liquid gel soap are provided as an extra perk. 

I end every workout I can with a 10-20 minute visit to either the sauna or steamroom followed by a loooong shower.  So far, I have not found the cheerleaders though.  Given that I do cardio after weights, I’m usually sweaty before I get to the heat boxes.  Thus, while I start with a normal temperature shower i have to drop the degrees steadily, ending with essentially a cold shower.  This is called a Scottish shower; it’s invigorating and cools the body for profession appearance post-exercise.

Almost every one of my sessions starts downstairs with the weights and machines.  I’ll soon post my recommended routines.  I then move upstairs for cardio and stretching before treating myself to the afore-mentioned spa treatment.

Upstairs, the club is open to the floor below.  The opening is enclosed by a walking/running track (1/12 of a mile around).  The track features a stretching and abdominal station at either end.  The sides of the second floor are packed with every kind of cardio device imaginable – stair climbers, rowing, bikes, treadmills, and my favorite – the elliptical machines.  One will also find more spinning, several large aerobics rooms, a movie theater with treadmills and bikes, and a huge room dedicated to strange-looking strength and agility exercises (they call it “proto-type” athletics?). 

After I pump iron I like to hit the cardio machines for ten to sixty minutes, which burns hundreds of calories.  I’ve really seen a difference since adding cardio to the program.  Fat just dissolves away.  Before I leave the “floor” I stretch and hang upside down on my favorite invention in history: the inversion table.  It’s nothing for me to hang for 5 to 10 minutes in blissful relaxation.  It cures everything!  Then I head to the locker/spa.  For an added treat I will sometimes enjoy a smoothie on my way out – I go for the strawberry Gladiator – packed with protein and as delicious as they come.

All along the way I get to enjoy the company of friends, old and new.  I have several men I work out with occasionally and there is always someone to chew the fat with.  The place is also overrun with …er… eye candy…  Exercising is always better in a pleasant facility surrounded by good scenery.  Big Mike and Bill have also assembled an excellent staff of trainers and other professionals who can help with anything one needs.

If the club has a drawback, it would be the house music selection – modern pop.  It’s just not my cup of tea.  However, as with the TVS, it’s easy to tune out.  I will someday add an Ipod or something similar to my arsenal.  Now, I could use my wife’s but it is pink – can’t do it.

Well, I’ve recounted all the benefits of my plan in action over and over.  I would like to add warning or another point of detraction to fitness.  As I have transformed from a fat blob to a near bodybuilder type, I’ve noticed that much of that … eye candy is frequently looking at me now.  Sometimes I endure uncomfortable comments and the occasional unwanted contact.  I’ve become eye candy…  I suppose it’s too much for the poor girls to resist.  Poor me.  Just be aware that this can and will happen to you when you get on the bandwagon. 

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(Always leering at big daddy. Google.)

There you have it.  Join the EFC machine!  If you’re outside my area, find a similar club and get fit now!

How I Lost Over 40 Pounds, Etc., Part II.

23 Saturday Feb 2013

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This is the second installment (third really) on my recent weight loss and permanent health kick.  I encourage all of you to get physical and fit.  It makes a world of difference in one’s daily life, everything seems easier and a little more fun!

I keep singing the praises of Evans Fitness Center (EFC), http://www.evansfitnessclub.com/, here in my local area.  I spoke with their management today about the blog, my comments, and the possibility of my appearance in one of those “before and after” photo testimonial things.  The girls especially seem interested in the latter part.

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(Source: EFC website).

If you don’t live in metro-Augusta, Georgia, then I hope you have a good facility nearby.  I have seem clubs as impressive as EFC but they are RARE.  Any club could do in theory, though I have found that an excellent, first class environment lends itself to keeping one motivated and inspired.

I joined EFC in December when they first opened.  They even have a 30-day free trial!  At the time I had already lost maybe 20 pounds due to my change in dietary habits.  As I have written before, I was nervous about going to any gym.  In the past I have usually hurt myself while trying to do too much too fast or have just lost interest.  A lot of clubs are not interesting.  Neither was the case at EFC. 

First, I just can’t say enough about the quality of this place.  They have a filter thing that refills your water bottle, free towels, and so many other perks I can’t list them all.  Everything was done right.  Second, I really wanted to get back into shape, and so, I used my brain for a change and worked my way into the program.  By the way, this here is not a “program” like those on TV.  If it were, you’d see me on the idiot box hawking it to some hip-hop beat surrounded by hot babes.  Hmmmmmmm???????

Anyway, for me the right way was slow and cautious, especially with weights.  If you want a great guide to exercising with weights, pick up a copy of Arnold’s Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding, http://www.amazon.com/The-New-Encyclopedia-Modern-Bodybuilding/dp/0684857219.  The name may sound intimidating was may seem some of the pictures and described routines.  I used the old model in my glory days.  It works.  However, you need not be a hardcore Mr./Mrs. Olympia candidate to benefit from the guide.  Consider it an education.  Arnold covers literally everything about conditioning every muscle of the body in tremendous detail.  Use what you need, no more.  If you’ve never worked out before or it has been a while, a personal trainer can help you.  Find one that suits your needs and disposition.

I’ll simply, here, divide weight training into three categories: free weights (to include plate-weighted machines); weight stack machines; and cable/pulley weights.  These last two are my description names.

I started with the stack machines and light free weights.  I now incorporate all three into my routine based on what I’m trying to do.  EFC, like many good gyms, has multiple areas for all of these types.

Regardless of what I use I try to adhere to some simple procedures.  First, I break my days up my the muscles I hit.  Generally it works like this: Day 1, arms and shoulders; Day 2, back and chest; Day 3, legs.  I do abdominal exercises everyday (or try to).  Along with abs I work all “core” muscles, those around the middle of the torso.  Many people make the mistake of building a strong stomach while neglecting their lower back and sides.  This leads to imbalance and possible painful problems.  Work them all together and equally.

My gut was the most embarrassing visual part of the old me.  Personally, the worst thing was the lack of energy for daily tasks.  It was the gut that everyone saw.  I must admit I  worked my way up to size 44 pants, and they were getting tight!  I just bought some 38s and they are already loose.  I went from the last notch on my belt to the other last notch, then I had to drill a new (good) last notch, then another.  I am cheap, poor, and I have good belts to begin with.  I will buy new ones when these fall apart.

Once a week or so I work on my neck.  The neck usually gets flexed while doing shoulder and other exercises.  I concentrate on it specifically for an extra boost.  I have … excuse me, had, neck problems.  Building up the muscles that support the head and stretching them have eliminated most of my problems.  A word of warning!  The neck is sensitive and extra care should be used when working it, I go EXTRA light and easy with my neck.  Be careful, you spine is kind of important!

The second simple procedure I follow is the amount of effort I give each particular movement or exercise.  Let’s say I’m doing bicep curls (for the big guns!).  I try to do three separate sets of ten repetitions of this exercise.  With lighter weights I will go for 15 to 20 reps – this builds definition.  If I’m trying to “shock” the biceps I will pyramid my way up in weights and may sacrifice the total number of reps on the heavier sets. 

I also do multiple types of work for each muscle or muscle group.  In Muscle and Fitness Magazine, I read, a long time ago, some great advice: “Everything works, but nothing works for long.”  You have to vary it up to keep the progress and fun going.  This also depends on what you are trying to accomplish.  Serious weight-lifters go through cycles of heavy weight, light weight, no weight, etc. to reach their goals.  My goal is a lean, muscular look, like Christian Bale’s Batman/Bruce Wayne.  You have a different goal, you’ll figure it out in time.

By the way, I stretch constantly to keep the muscles I working loose.  After I pump iron I go upstairs and do some form of “cardio” work.  This is what most people associate with burning fat, and it does.  It also plays with your heart-rate and workload, hence the name “cardio.”  Again, you need to figure out, maybe with expert help, what you’re trying to do.  Jacking your heart rate through the roof might strengthen your heart (or kill you) but it might not be the best way to burn fat.  My approach is easy.  I use either the elliptical machine, treadmill, or stationary bike (usually the elliptical) for my needs.  I go for 10 to 30 minutes depending on how I feel and how much time I have.  These modern machines track everything: calories burned, time, heart-rate, etc.  I’m more concerned with calories but I closely monitor the other factors.  It all depends.  Trial and error folks.

The last thing I do before I leave the gym floor is stretch.  This when I get to do my favorite exercise of all – hanging upside-down on the inversion table.  I try to do it for 3 to 5 minutes or longer.  I stretches out everything and decompresses the spine and joints – literally reversing gravity.  Sleeping at night decompresses the joints – this goes beyond.  I can’t say enough about this so I will leave much to your imagination.

inversin table

(The greatest invention of all time.  Source: Google Images).

Depending on how much time I have I end the workout with a trip to the steam room or the sauna or both.  Both do the same thing – they make you sweat.  Steam, while having a lower temperature, works faster – instantly, in fact.  The sauna is hotter but, as a dry heat, it takes a short while to start working.  The benefits to both are numerous.  They are very relaxing (once you get used to the oven-like experience).  They work wonders on sore muscles and joints.  And, they help you shed excess water.  Sweating eliminates toxins and gunk from the body.  Just remember to keep drinking water to put back what you need.  Again, water is supremely important both to life and weight loss.  Water is your friend.

Well friends, that’s what I do.  This is a great over-simplification.  Again, you will just have to jump in and see what works for you.  Seek professional guidance as needed.  My main point here is to inspire and share what can be accomplished.  Go get em, tigers!

I’m A Loser, And That’s Fine With Me

09 Saturday Feb 2013

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I’m not trying to inundate the web with posts but I feel like ramblin good today.  This one is happier than the last.  As some of you know I have recently embarked on a great weight loss adventure.  As of the last time I checked I am down 38 pounds!  What a loser!  That puts me at a solid 200.  I seem to have plateaued there for the time being – for good reasons, as follows.

This is more than a diet.  I have made a great life change.  Many have been the changes in my life in the past year or two.  Many of those were not so pleasant.  Perhaps out of depression or anxiety I put on a few pounds I really didn’t need.  Then, last fall, I suddenly began to loss some of them.  For no conscious reason I began to eat less.  Oddly, eating more than you need to adds extra pounds.  Once my pants began to loosen up I decided to formally have at it.  In addition to lowering my daily caloric intake, I also changed some of those calories.  Primarily I cut out carbohydrates (except my beloved dark ale) and processed junk food (that’s the majority of the Amerikan diet nowadays). 

By early December I had lost 20 to 25 pounds.  Then, as if I planned it, they opened the Evans Fitness Center (EFC).  Visit them virtually: http://www.evansfitnessclub.com/.  If you are in the Augusta area go in person.  The website does not do the place justice. 

Many, many, many years ago, in another century in fact, i was in excellent physical shape.  Then I stopped almost all activity and began the transformation into a typical Amerikan slob.  I have reversed the slide and I intend to never go back.

Now things are a little different.  I’m not 21 anymore – not that you know, right girls?  Right?…  Hmmm.  So, I did a free trial at EFC and was hooked.  They have a basis economy plan which even a hobo like me can afford.  I started off with weights, those heavy iron things with which I was once so familiar.  I had forgotten most of what I knew about working out.  EFC has so many different areas and types of equipment that I had to relearn and retrain myself.  It happened fast.

This time around I took it slow and light.  No more 400 pound bench presses or 600 pounds squats for me.  No more squats, period.  As it turns out, such massive weights are beyond my current capabilities.  Fat makes you weak, Amerika.  However, I have found that I do better with lower weights and more reps of them.  “Reps” means repetitions or how many times one lifts the weight in sequence.  As I am given to “bulk up” rather fast due to genetics or something (Daddy was a record-setting power-lifter) I have had to carefully watch to ensure I do not overdo anything.  Getting to heavy to fast has been my weakness in my previous attempts to get fit.  Eventually I hurt myself and swear off the gym. 

As is I am quite happy with my progress.  I have even incorporated a cardiovascular program into my routine.  Typically, I hit the old elliptical machine for 20 to 30 minutes after my weight session.  Once I hit 200 pounds I think the good muscle I gained began to offset the useless fat I lost.  Fortunately, for me I still have plenty of fat to burn!  I’m aiming for 190ish.  A good weight for my frame I think.  It’s all about aesthetics … and how the clothes fit.  My fat pants fell off even with a belt so I got rid of them.  Now my new pants are getting loose.  I may be close to 7 or so inches off my waist. 

In addition to looking good I also feel a hell of a lot better.  Last week, due to the untimely arrival of spring in Georgia, I felt compelled to de-thatch and mow the front lawn.  Once I had raked half of it I stopped for a second.  Something was missing.  I wasn’t sweating or out of breath.  Fat makes you sweat and drains your lungs.  I sleep better too.  I go to bed earlier and wake up feeling like I actually slept.  My beautiful queen says I have ceased to snore.  Fat makes you snore. 

Eating less and better, weight training, moving around, sleeping.  What else has changed???  I had to change my FB profile pic to one of Arnold in his heyday.  I drink more water and I breathe deeper.  I also don’t worry about things they way I used to – differently perhaps.  Some of this will be detailed in The Time Given.  Pay off some of the credit card now.

EFC offers some amenities which I never thought to try before.  They have not one, but two, inversion tables.  While looking like a medieval torture device, an inversion table is actually the greatest invention in human history.  I moved the air conditioner to number two, the shotgun to three, etc.  Sorry, Mr. Carrier, you’ve been bested.  One reclines on the table and locks one’s feet into the contraption at the bottom.  Then with the flick of a switch an electric motor rotates you back and down – fully upside down if you like.  That’s what I do.  At full rotation the table is actually in a reverse incline of 5 to 10 degrees ( I have not measured exactly).  What that means is that you, me in this case, get to freely hang upside down.  The foot device is a wee bit uncomfortable the first few times and those times may cause a little dizziness. 

All that hanging around (yuck yuck) performs a miracle on the whole body, in particular the spine and joints.  Five minutes upside-down is like a visit to the chiropractor followed by a massage and a shot of lidocaine.  Really.  I always makes sure to invert at the very end of any workout.  Once righted I feel right as rain.  I may have to steal one of these machines for home use.  Bolt em down or lose one, EFC.

I also, time permitting, enjoy a short sit in the sauna or steam room.  After hanging around this loosens joints and muscles and sweats out evil mojo.  A Scottish shower later and I feel like I am 21 again.  Fat makes you age, Amerika.

There is a distinct downside – two parts.  First, the hour or two spent in the gym is time lost on not sleeping well, snoring, worrying, or being a blob.  Second, I am slightly unnerved by all of the women who constantly ogle me at EFC and elsewhere.  Please be polite, ladies.

As for you, comrades – get out there and get fit!  You may never look as good as me, but you’ll feel a whole lot better.  By the way, how much ya bench?!