Okay, this is the first of my series on how I exercise to perfect athletic perfection. Yeah, that works. This has nothing to do with nutrition and dieting, which is critical to my program. I’ve covered those before and may come up with a comprehensive or condensed approach later. This is about getting physical – where the muscle meets the dumbbells. Here goes:
Nothing herein should be considered professional exercise advice. Like my legal education columns, that’s what this is – my experiences in the gym based on what works for me. If and when you get started, first seek out the professional advice of a physician and/or and trainer. Having said that, I was once a certified personal trainer and I used to bodybuild, powerlift, run and do martial arts, so my knowledge is grounded in solid facts. Also, consider that what works for me may not be perfect for you. Modify all my plans according to your requirements.
Generally, I have four daily routines: 1) arms and shoulders; 2) back and chest; 3) legs; and 4) cardio and resting. I vary these up as I feel necessary but I usually keep the rotation the same. Herein, I will outline day one.
Day one, as all days is really divided into five parts. First, there’s the weight session, which I’ll get to (day one wise) in a moment. Second, I work my “core” every day. Core means the muscles of the stomach, the obliques (sides), and the lower back. I usually start with a crunch machine. I do several sets of 20 to 30 repetitions at a modern weight. Next I use a special machine which forces you to use your side in order to twist your lower body. Again, I keep the weight relatively low and strive for higher numbers of twists. This device makes my feel the best or tightest around the waist. I’ve noticed significant firmness has developed both as I’ve burned off 50 pounds of fat while strengthened my core. This has resulted in my dropping nine pants sizes.
After I twist, I do back extensions on a weight machine. Again, it’s more reps and lower weights that provides the right stress for optimal results. The worst thing one can do is overload a body part or group of muscles as this will result in imbalance or, worse, injury. Keep it low, slow, and consistent.
I end the abs work with more crunches (straight and to the sides) on another machine which uses the body’s weight against itself, a similar approach to the lowe back, and crunches while hanging upside down (what a burn!).
The third function is cardiovascular work. For me this means anywhere from ten minutes to an hour on the track or an exercise machine. My favorite is the elliptical machine as it’s easy on the joints and provides an added kick over mere walking or running. Moving increases one’s heart rate. There is a range of heartbeats per minute that ranges from resting (60-80 bpm) to fat burning (80-120 bpm) to aerobic (120-180 bpm) to heart attack (180+ bpm). This range is based, of course, on my age and size.
I start off by jacking up my heart rate to the safest maximum (sometimes right to the edge of comfort). I do this my going as fast as I can against as much resistance as I can stand. I work up from “level” 7 or 8 to level 20 and go as fast as possible. This takes five to ten minutes, burns over 100 calories alone, and makes me sweat and pant profusely. Then, I gradually law off the exertion and lower my bpm (heart beats per minute) back tot he fat burning range. This I sustain for as long as I have time for. At the end I cool off and slow down. This is essential for lowering my heart rate to a level where I don’t get dizzy from hanging upside down.
Inverting is stage four, along with general stretching. Both of these processes easy joint and muscle strain and give a meditation-like clarity of mind. While hanging I contort into all sorts of positions so as to smooth out every strain and ache. Just hanging there does wonders. This sets the stage for part five:
This last phase is the spa treatment, including steaming and a relaxing shower. After all of this I literally skip out feeling 20 years younger.
And, now, the weights:
I start with shoulders on most first days as it requires the use of the arms and other supporting parts. I find it’s better to do this first (not always) before progressing to arms.
The shoulders can be divided roughly into two main sections: the trapezius and subclavical muscles (those descending from the neck) and the deltoids (the muscles over the arms). All of these are worked over while doing exercises for other body parts.
For the trapezius class I start most days with standing or seated shrugs. This involves shrugging the shoulders upwards towards the ears as far as comfort and range of motion allows. This can be accomplished either with free weights like dumbbells or the use of a machine which pivots. As with core work, I do 3 or 4 sets of repetitions at a moderate weight. For added work I progress the weights heavier with each progressive set.
(Shoulder shrugs. A little light for Perrin – ha!. Google.)
Next I do some sort of movement that requires lifting a weight from the waist up to the chin area by bending the arms outwards. This works all muscles in the front and back of the shoulders as well as the deltoids.
For deltoids and an overall push I do shoulder presses or “military” presses: lifting a weight overhead. I also isolate the delts using free weights raised in various positions – front, sides, and rear – for overall effect.
(Side Deltoid Raises. Google.)
The triceps are the “u” shaped muscles (3-parts, thus “tri”) in the back of the upper arm. These are generally worked by extending the arms downwards, upwards, or backwards while standing or on a bench and by pressing down on a fixed weight. The same rules of sets, reps, and resistance applies here.
(Downward tricept extentions with cable weight. Google.)
(Tricep presses or push down on machine. Google Images.)
My arms are stronger than average. Thus, when doing presses like the one pictured here I have run into the odd problem of being able to press or lift more than my bodyweight at the end of the cycle. I can generally do this for 10 to 12 reps – once I contort and force the weight and my body down into a seated position.
The biceps are the tow-part muscles on the front of the upper arm. These are the “guns” that everyone flexes to show how strong they are. Biceps are toned by curling a weight up from a straight armed position to a fully bent arm with the weight on the level of one’s eyes.
I mix up a combination of free weights (both single dumbbells and a single bar) and seated machines which use either one or both arms.
(This dude is doing single arm curls with dumbbells. Google.)
(Seated “preacher” curls (over a pulpit) on machine. Google.)
I love the curls in the above picture. Again, I can use more than my own weight here. This one impresses the ladies and frightens off fellow males like no other. Ha!!!
One note I need to interject at this point is how to lift any weight. There are three parts to a lift: concentric, eccentric, and excentric movements. This, in layman’s terms means: 1) slowing lifting the weight to begin with; 2) holding a flex at the “top” of the lift; and 3) slowly lower the weight and stretching the muscle(s) worked. It is advisable breathe out while raising the weight and inhale while lifting.
The forearms are often neglected by many people. They do get flexed while doing a variety of upper-body routines but they benefit tremendously from isolated exercise. Large, powerful forearms give a manly look to the body. They can be worked with dumbbells during the curl routine. This is accomplished by rolling the weight up or to either side while holding the arm down and straight.
There is also a machine which holds weight plates. One sits behind the plates and squeezes a set of handles together with the hands. This is similar to the old-fashioned spring grip gadget. The maneuver is usually overhanded but sometimes I use a lighter weight with my palms facing up to burn each forearm individually. However you do it, it’s important to work the entire arm all the way around. Doing so will provide added stability for other exercises and strengthens the wrists and hands. The next time some jerk tries to crush your hand in a handshake you can crush back with confidence.
After all these, I do the core and other ancillary work. Sometimes I will add in an exercise for another part if I feel I didn’t hit it sufficiently the last time. Again, there is no set formula, just a general routine which benefits from the occasional shakeup.
Alright, turn the computer off and hit the gym. You’ll thank me later!
Today I continue my series on good businesses by praising my gym of choice, the Evans Fitness Club (also known as Center or simply “EFC”). EFC has served as a critical part of my recent life change program and this post will serve as a prelude to the forth-coming detailed analysis of said program. I hope all of this is of use and motivation to you, my beloved readers.
One can find EFC at 3002 Allen Drive in the heart of Evans. Georgia; they are online at: http://www.evansfitnessclub.com/. Check them out either way; if you live in the area, you need to join. They are by far the biggest and best fitness facility in the Augusta area. In fact, I have seen few clubs anywhere that rival the opulence and excellent design of EFC. There motto is “bringing big city fitness to your backyard.” That is exactly what they have done.
The club is the brainchild of “Big” Mike Montarbo and Bill Smith. Big Mike earned his stripes as a trainer and manager at other local clubs, winning everyone over with his knowledge and charm. Bill is a legend in the fitness industry, having owned and operated clubs all over the U.S. I met Bill in the 1980’s when he ran the super-successful BodyTalk club, then the most state of the art facility in the area. He and I reminisced about the old place when I joined EFC. Bill’s kids are now in management and continue their father’s tradition of excellence.
I had intended to interview one or both gentlemen before writing this piece and I may still. I’d also like to have them as a sponsor here, they are most worthy.
First, I’d like to start with the beauty and design of the physical facility. Here’s a picture of the outside (architectural rendering, I thought I saw a real photo but can’t find it):
The club is located in the new business park across the street from the new Columbia County Courthouse, Library, and County office complex. The building is beautiful as well as functional. It’s surrounded by parking spaces and a second parking lot next door is almost complete – I have never had any trouble finding a spot any time of day.
Inside, the place is a marvel of efficient layouts. After signing in at the attractive front desk one enters the main training floor. The center is devoted to an MMA-style “octagon” used constantly by Greubel’s Martial Arts for a variety of exercise and self-defense trainings. The octagon is wrapped by three separate machine weight areas. In the center there is an Astroturf running lane of NFL quality. These areas are enclosed by a walkway/track. The outside areas are devoted to a huge free weight area, a Smoothie King franchise (can’t beat it!), a medical weight loss office, a spinning studio, racquetball courts, locker rooms, and a massive child care room.
The kiddies can keep fit while mom and dad work out by playing basketball, climbing on numberous inflatable funhouses, and other activities. They also provide TVs and reading/play areas. The room is well staffed.
Speaking of TVS – they’re everywhere. Everywhere. Digital entertainment is constantly available for those who like it while not being a distraction for those of us who don’t really care.
I can only speak for the men’s locker room but I suspect the ladies have it as good if not better than the men. Up front there is a relaxing lounge with sofas, tables, a scale, and a huge TV. The lockers are interspersed around and between the sinks, grooming mirrors, a restroom stalls. Everything is trimmed in the best materials for a country club like experience. The back is home to the sauna, the steamroom, and the showers.
I have praised the sauna previously for its theraputic benefits. The steam room offers similar benefits with a twist. While the sauna is hotter (around 180 degrees F), the steam room (120ish F) feels warmer and induced instance sweating. It’s the difference between dry and wet heat. Both offer general seating and the steam room features a shower for quick clean-up.
The shower showers are a spectacle all to themselves. To begin with, they’re huge. An entire cheerleading squad could join a lucky fellow given the space which I estimate at 6X15 feet. There are 5 water facets, a rain-like fixture overhead and four positionable jets on the sides. Complimentary shampoo, conditioner, and liquid gel soap are provided as an extra perk.
I end every workout I can with a 10-20 minute visit to either the sauna or steamroom followed by a loooong shower. So far, I have not found the cheerleaders though. Given that I do cardio after weights, I’m usually sweaty before I get to the heat boxes. Thus, while I start with a normal temperature shower i have to drop the degrees steadily, ending with essentially a cold shower. This is called a Scottish shower; it’s invigorating and cools the body for profession appearance post-exercise.
Almost every one of my sessions starts downstairs with the weights and machines. I’ll soon post my recommended routines. I then move upstairs for cardio and stretching before treating myself to the afore-mentioned spa treatment.
Upstairs, the club is open to the floor below. The opening is enclosed by a walking/running track (1/12 of a mile around). The track features a stretching and abdominal station at either end. The sides of the second floor are packed with every kind of cardio device imaginable – stair climbers, rowing, bikes, treadmills, and my favorite – the elliptical machines. One will also find more spinning, several large aerobics rooms, a movie theater with treadmills and bikes, and a huge room dedicated to strange-looking strength and agility exercises (they call it “proto-type” athletics?).
After I pump iron I like to hit the cardio machines for ten to sixty minutes, which burns hundreds of calories. I’ve really seen a difference since adding cardio to the program. Fat just dissolves away. Before I leave the “floor” I stretch and hang upside down on my favorite invention in history: the inversion table. It’s nothing for me to hang for 5 to 10 minutes in blissful relaxation. It cures everything! Then I head to the locker/spa. For an added treat I will sometimes enjoy a smoothie on my way out – I go for the strawberry Gladiator – packed with protein and as delicious as they come.
All along the way I get to enjoy the company of friends, old and new. I have several men I work out with occasionally and there is always someone to chew the fat with. The place is also overrun with …er… eye candy… Exercising is always better in a pleasant facility surrounded by good scenery. Big Mike and Bill have also assembled an excellent staff of trainers and other professionals who can help with anything one needs.
If the club has a drawback, it would be the house music selection – modern pop. It’s just not my cup of tea. However, as with the TVS, it’s easy to tune out. I will someday add an Ipod or something similar to my arsenal. Now, I could use my wife’s but it is pink – can’t do it.
Well, I’ve recounted all the benefits of my plan in action over and over. I would like to add warning or another point of detraction to fitness. As I have transformed from a fat blob to a near bodybuilder type, I’ve noticed that much of that … eye candy is frequently looking at me now. Sometimes I endure uncomfortable comments and the occasional unwanted contact. I’ve become eye candy… I suppose it’s too much for the poor girls to resist. Poor me. Just be aware that this can and will happen to you when you get on the bandwagon.
(Always leering at big daddy. Google.)
There you have it. Join the EFC machine! If you’re outside my area, find a similar club and get fit now!
I craftily wove most of the news of the day into Questions and Comments, https://perrinlovett.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/questions-and-comments-3292013/, earlier. Here’s a quick look at what I didn’t cover:
The more I hear about Pope Francis, the more I like him. I am one of those “traditionalists” who is supposed to be outraged by the Pope’s simplistic, down-to-earth approach to the Papacy. Why? I like the idea of a commoner Pope. He is obviously a man of great faith who cares more about the people than the orthodoxy. Stop for a second there, fellow traditionalists; maybe he’s the one who makes Vatican II work. And, I mean work within the greater context and purpose of the Church, not to replace it with mere modernism. He may be just what we need at this time.
The Drudge Report says Yahoo News says our government says Kim Jong Unbalanced says North Korea is at “war” with South Korea. Why, in 2013, is this (if true????) any of our concern?????
President Sotoro says,”American can do better.” I beg to differ; lately all we can come up with is Clinton, Bush, Bush, Clinton, McCain, Romney, and Kerry. Oh, he was talking about something else…
Another member of Seal Team 6 was silenced today by the CIA. He was probably on vacation when the other 25 were targeted and killed on that helicopter. Remember that? The number one rule of assassinations is to assassinate the assassins. That way they can’t later tell the truth about things like “killing” a man who died 10 years earlier, who got buried at sea in the traditional Muslim manner, and other crimes we haven’t even heard of yet. Remember the mechanical hound from Farenheit 451?? Earth to America! America?!
Back on the blog:
Okay, I also published 10 More Things, https://perrinlovett.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/ten-more-things-you-can-do-today/, today and it’s already generating positive feedback. Give it a look.
Let’s make it official: I’ve now lost 50 pounds and about 9 inches off my waist. 50 lbs was my outside maximum goal when I started my program. Now, I can’t believe it’s a reality. The goal now is to trade the remaining traces of flab for some Herculean muscle whilst remaining at the same weight – 188 to 190 ish. I’m going to start a series soon to demonstrate how I’ve done the incredible and how you can too. If you copy my designs now you won’t have to fork over $19.95 for the book/DVD you’ll see me hawking on channel 431, mid-nightish, in the near future.
I’ve also got to warp up Slavery in America and continue with the Second Amendment saga. Stay tuned!
Building on my last happy advice column, I’d like to offer another ten easy things you can do today to make your life a little happier.
1. Smoke a Cigar.
This probably is more appealing to the male audience though quiet a few women enjoy the leaf as well. Use my recent Cigar Guide as a starting point and see if you like the hobby. You only need one, it won’t cost that much and it will only take an hour or so to enjoy. I’ve researched the health risks associated with occasional cigar smoking – it’s negligent. In fact, I think the relaxation benefits far outweigh the .002% increase in the risk of problems.
2. Lose the News.
The commercial news in America is boring at best, toxic at worst. You will not miss anything important if you take a break for a day or so. Murders, wars, theft, depression, scandal, etc. will go on in your absence – only you won’t be dragged down by it. Consider ignorance bliss and disconnect. This advice, of course, does not extent to your favorite blog.
3. Slow Down Some More.
Last time I recommended slowing your pace in life in order to de-stress and feel better. Do it some more. Remember, even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat. Who likes rats? Check the emails tomorrow. There’s enough food at the house, lay off the super-market today. Let the little old lady merge into your lane. Be happy. Be free.
(This guy won the race. Google.)
4. Let Someone Tell You, “You Can’t” and Prove Them Wrong.
So many people are afraid of things – everything. If they can’t conceive of a way to do some particular thing, they assume nobody can do it. In psychology this is called transference or projection or something. They’ll say you can’t lose the weight. They’ll say your business won’t make it. They’ll say such a hot blonde will never go out with you. Don’t listen. If you really want to do something and it’s meant to be, you can’t fail – unless you fail to try. A young man at Yale was told his presented idea in an economics class would never be feasible; years later, the man put his plan into action and founded Federal Express. When you succeed, take comfort in your accomplishment. Remember to be gracious to your detractors, maybe you will inspire them to rise above their own roadblocks.
5. Encourage Someone.
The pre-emptive strike against worldly negativity is to place faith in someone else’s ideas. When someone runs by a plan for something new by you, tell them what you think, but make sure you end it positively. A little encouragement goes a long way and may be just the boost a person needs to get over their fears and societal conditioning of failure and make “it” happen. Praise is contagious too. Start a fire!
6. Write a Letter to the Editor.
I used to do this with very limited success. Now, I’m the editor and everything I write gets published – and read. Pick a topic you’re passionate about and tell the world your opinions. Everyone is an expert at something, share your insights. Like encouragement, it might spark somebody to positive action. A common tactic is to write an “open” letter to a CongressCritter or some other prominent person or organization and forward a copy to the local fish-wrapper. Knowing your views will be viewed by a wide audience may give a politician or other figure more reason to act than your letter alone would. Try it and see.
7. Question Authority.
People in power frequently use their power to limit the powerless. Challenge them. Thomas Jefferson once said, “I have sworn upon the altar of god eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.” One can’t have a better role model than old T.J. When the cop asks you if you knew how fast you were going, don’t answer; this denies them your assistance in your prosecution and takes a little of the bully out of them. If a teacher tells you heat rises, ask why, then, does the TOP of the pond freeze. Make her explain thermodynamics in full. Be polite and don’t do anything so outrageous as to risk arrest. By speaking truth to power or denying the power altogether, you can preserve liberty and concurrently increase understanding – both admirable ends. This, again, does not apply to your favorite blog (wink, wink).
8. Take a Hike!
Last time I relayed the benefits of a simple walk around the block. Hiking through God’s country increases the benefits, both in terms of exercise exertion and scenery. Hikes need not be limited to the woods or the mountains. Stalk away through the dunes or a country road. Explore your local park or the land along the river-side levee. Make sure you have good shoes for this one. I once reached in the closet, without looking, for boots to take to the Smokey Mountains. A mile or so in I realized duck-hunting boots were not made for trudging up-hill…
9. Write a Book.
I recommended reading a book. That’s always good advice. Take it to the next level and make your own literary contribution to the world. If it’s not a full-length book, then write a pamphlet or start a blog! By the way, books are easier than ever to publish these days. Check out www.createspace.com, there’s a link here on the left. This service will not only turn your ideas into print but will make them commercially available to the masses – all for free. Your book can be about anything. There are no rules and no constraints anymore. Read James Altucher’s excellent column on the subject – http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/05/why-and-how-i-self-published-a-book/. This was my inspiration to start blogging and ram through my first book (soon, I promise…).
10. Give Thanks for Something.
Anything. Good or bad. “In everything give thanks.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18. God does everything for a reason. Thank Him. Too smart for God, then thank Mother Earth, or Father Time, the Tooth Fairy or whoever. Believe in something bigger than you. As for the good and the bad, even non-Christian philosophers speak of accepting both with the same stoic resolve. See Marcus Aurelius on that point. Spread the word. Accept, give thanks, take action, be happy.
BONUS! 11. Forward this advice to people you know. Come up with some more things people can do!
1911, ADA, Alabama, America, American Rifleman, Assad, Augusta, bankers, Barak Obama, basketball, Ben Bernanke, Bieber, Bin Laden, Bush, Christians, CIA, Clinto, Congress, crime, Cyprus, D.C., Dianne Feinstein, disability, Disney, drugs, EBT, fat, Federal Reserve, Fire Hat, gays, global warming, God, hell, Hussein, Janet Napolitano, Jim Carrey, Kate Upton, Lindsey Vonn, Lohan, marriage, Masters, McCain, Mexico, Michael Bloomberg, Michael Moore, Monsanto, New World Order, obsesity, Oscar the Grouch, Piers Morgan, politicians, Powell, raoches, rats, Rothschilds, Schumer, Sesame Street, Sheen, snakes, SSI, Steve Martin, taxes, theft, Thomas Jefferson, War, Youtube
You have answers, I have questions. You have questions, I have comments. In the tradition of Fire Hat…
I want to give my white man’s perspective on basketball: “Who cares?”
Kim Jong Unbalenced has kindly offered to bomb D.C. We should get him a fruit basket or something.
The more television channels, the less shows worth watching.
If not for politicians and banksters, who would rats and roaches look down upon?
Since they can drive and talk on the phone at the same time, why can’t people drive and use turn signals concurrently?
Aside from the Brady Center and mental inpatients, does Piers Morgan have an audience?
Imperial and Georgian forces have raided the property of the FPSRussia guy – don’t post yourself with guns on Youtube.
When are the next parliamentary elections in Cyprus?
Why are banks still standing in Cyprus?
Considering that almost every town has a thief and maybe a murderer, why do we still need governments?
Given that almost every town has that thief, why do we still need banks?
Any bets on when Justin Bieber goes John Belushi on us?
Why can’t Augusta have the Masters Tournament 51 weeks out of the year? Seems to work for baseball, basketball, and Nascar.
Why are gay people upset about laws banning them from committing marriage?
Women take bicycles fishing? Huh?
If a law falls in the forest and there’s no judge around to opine, can law professors still think?
How come a grocery store in a neighborhood where everyone has EBT cards can’t make it financially?
Why do those EBT cardees need food handouts?
When the above-grocery store in Augusta, GA went out of business, the Sheriff refused to give the excess food to the gathered crowd of hundreds. He said they were too fat as is. The new Sheriff is an observant man.
Scientists predict 104% of the American population will be morbidly obese by 2022.
Why do “Christians” lust for war, real or imaginary?
Lindsay Lohan is starring in Charlie Sheen’s TV show; local liquor stores report record sales.
How does unemployment rise in an economic recovery?
If he government wants to ban guns, why don’t they ditch theirs and lead by example?
By around 2020 the ADA will have to be revised to mandate each parking lot set aside one or spaces in the rear for “normals.”
Ben Bernanke has secured a patent on a warp-drive powered printing press; rejoice!
If alive today Thomas Jefferson would hang his head, sail back to England, and beg the Queen for clemency.
Officials in Anniston, Alabama announced yesterday that the last factory in America closed.
I applaud Barack Obama’s vacation schedule; he works hard and needs a tan.
If Lindsey Graham joined the Communist Party, would anyone notice?
Are there any brown people left on earth the U.S. has not bombed lately?
Is not being disabled a disability these days?
After more than forty seasons, Sesame Street is set to replace Oscar the Grouch with Michael Bloomberg after the good mayor retires.
Steve Martin has agreed to reprise the role of The Jerk next year in a tribute to Bloomberg.
How does one go about getting the job of body painting Kate Upton?
In an effort to allow banks to raid more of your cash, Congress has introduced legislation to place mattresses and mason jars under Federal Reserve control.
Is there any truth to the rumor Dianne Feinstein will play the Wicked Which of the West’s ugly, controlling grandmother?
Why do we have Cuban baseball players but not cigars?
Next year when everyone in America becomes unemployed or disabled, who will pay the taxes?
Several illegal immigrants went home disgusted with America this week, after climbing over the fence only to discover the hideous presence of Chuck Schumer and John McCain. What has the world come to?
Angry armed citizens arrested the corrupt local police in a Mexican town this week; Americans are weak, fat, and stupid.
If Patrick Henry were alive today, he would kick McCain and Schumer in their heads before jumping the fence to Mexico.
Now we know why Lindsey Vonn winces when the idiots scream, “Get in the hole!”
If the 1911 had never been invented, what would American Rifleman report on?
Pharmaceutical companies make money drugging our children; school shootings are their advertisements.
Reading, Riting, and Ritalin, why can’t Johnny aim without the jitters?
All roaches, flies, and spiders have departed the Capital in protest over adverse working conditions.
If global warming is measured by pollen, we’re screwed.
Monsanto owns your CongressCritter, b***hes!
Poor Janet Napolitano has never been on a date.
God called and stated he would rescind his promise against future floods if another Bush runs for President.
Clinton made Bush look good; Bush made Clinton look good; Obama made Bush look good. Another Bush followed by another Clinton followed by a catastrophic asteroid collision will made Washington look good.
Does Bashar al-Assad shop at Saddam Hussein’s old yellow cake retailer? Mr. Powell?
Marine biologists have discovered bankers are all descended from a common sea slug, the Thievish Filtha-sluggis.
Jesse Jackson is upset, again.
The Capital One Vikings have all filed successfully for SSI.
Jim Carrey needs an enema.
Michael Moore was ticketed from breaking a truck-stop scale during his last weigh-in.
Does Osama Bin Laden’s family receive his CIA retirement?
Which childhood classic will Disney destroy next?
Pope Francis will be in Washington next week to wash the feet of more felons.
All six adult American men who don’t play video games met for the first time at a Knoxville Waffle House last week; we had a good time.
Following their recent success in finding the “God particle,” physicists are proud to announce they have discovered the “Satan particle;” it will be formally known as the “Bush,” “Clinton,” or “Feinstein” particle once the dust settles.
The Rothschilds endorsed the American slob as the State Bird of the New World Order.
What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead politician in the road? The politician still wants your money.
The correct greeting for a bankster or politician is, “Go BACK to hell!”
A long time ago I participated in a complex civil litigation case which involved a construction project gone wrong. The details do not really matter. I represented the plaintiff in the matter. The case was difficult enough but my client’s expert’s deposition added a new level of complexity I had not contemplated.
Depositions are factual statements taken under oath as part of the discovery/information process. It’s a preview of the other side’s cross-examination of a witness at trial. There are several reasons to depose a witness: first, it provides a oppourtunity to confirm what you know about a case; second, it gives you an idea of what the other side knows and if there any problems on the horizon; third, it sometimes provides a chance to settle a case without further expense. The other side in this case had to depose our expert in order to assess where we all stood, pre-trial.
This particular case was very fact intensive with reports, statements, and other information in great quantity. We had to associate an expert to evaluate all of the facts and condense them into a citable report. The expert hired was a tier one professional who did not come cheap. He spent days reviewing material and preparing his summary. He also generated many questions, all important to our legal position. These questions necessitated the client’s active participation in their answering. For several months the expert requested this participation and was largely rebuffed. The client was not unwilling to help rather, he always seemed to drift to other subjects and find excuses for delaying his responses. We scheduled several (expensive) all day meetings intended to get the client on the same page with the expert. The meetings never answered some questions.
Thus, the expert was left to guess at some factors and to do his best to assess the facts on his own. He did a great job overall. His report served as an excellent basis to proceed in the case. At his deposition, he defended his positions with great skill, confident his findings supported the plaintiff’s position.
My role was to “defend” the expert during the deposition. The other side was represented by two attorneys who both took active roles in the examination. These gentlemen were extremely professional and the expert was not at his first rodeo. Thus, my job should have been fairly simple. In such sessions the defending attorney usually requests question clarification when necessary and objects for the record if some questions over-reach the allowable scope of discovery. The questions may still be asked and answered, the objections take effect if called for later at trial.
Out of professional courtesy, everyone agreed to depose the expert at his metro-Atlanta office, several hours away from mine. I arrived extra early to confer with the man and plan for any expected troubles. We had a good meeting and agreed things looked pretty good. The client was supposed to meet with us in a last-ditch effort to reveal misplaced information. He showed up with little time to spare, along with the other attorneys and the court reporter.
The opposing side had read and were familiar with our expert’s preliminary report. Their questions were efficient and run of the mill. However, my client began at once to exhibit overly odd behavior. He was restless, talked to himself, talked to me (interrupting my train of thought), and interfered with the questioning to the point that I politely requested a break to speak with him in private. He then agreed to calm down.
It did not last. After interrupting several more times, the questioning attorney directed his attention to my client’s disruption. I once again took him aside for a talk. It did not take this time. The client seemed concerned that the expert was not answering certain questions sufficiently as those questions required the information the client was supposed to deliver to the expert but never did. He was suddenly concerned that the expert did not have all facts. I reassured him things were going well and asked if he had the additional information, even at the late hour. He did not. I cautioned him not to interrupt again and back we went.
Then, during the ordinary course of the questioning, the client went berserk. He began to only talk (about the questions and other things). He snatched my note pad and began writing me cryptic notes I did not understand. I ignored him at this point. Then he began to pace around the room like a tiger in a cage. He stopped and talked behind the expert. He looked over the other attorneys while they spoke. He talked to the court reported. I felt a little sick.
At some point one of the opposing lawyers requested a break so I could attempt to regain control of my client. I should have told him to leave or threatened to quite myself. Instead, I pleaded with him to keep from getting himself held in contempt or somethingfor interference.
We resumed after lunch and went on for the rest of the afternoon. My client at least remained seated for the most part but he was of no help to me whatsoever. Usually, a lawyer will ask a present client some questions in order to assist his understanding of the present matter. I knew it was a lost cause. I did request that we have a meeting immediately after the session, a get with Jesus prayer meeting, if you will. He agreed.
However, after the deposition ended the client disappeared. This did give me a few minutes to apologize to the other side and the reporter. I assumed man-tiger had gone to his car for something. I ended up in the expert’s executive office talking about the merits of the matter and the oddity of the day’s event. Neither of us had ever seen anything like it. After about an hour we realized our client had not joined us. I got up and looked for him but found no sign of him in or outside of the office. Honestly, I was a little relieved. However, back in the expert’s office a few minutes later the client called. He reported he was almost back to my office and that he knew where the missing facts were located. I guessed that he did not, in fact, know anything about the facts and that he must be driving over 100 miles per hour.
My partner later reported to me that the client did stop by a little more than one hour after the deposition was finished. He rushed in yelling and frightened several other clients. He ransacked his own files and left muttering to himself. No facts ever came forth.
Around this time the sun was setting and the expert and I were tired, numbed, and hungry. We decided to get dinner and drinks. I called a friend in the area and we all met at a local pub. There I attempted triage of my mind via single-malt scotch. It worked and after sobering up I made the long drive home. By the time I was in the car my brain was dead and I probably would not have passed a road-side sobriety test even if I had not consumed anything. I didn’t care at the time and, fortunately, there was no incident on the highway. I stopped in the office after midnight and wrote myself a memo detailing the unusual circumstances of the day.
I learned several things from this affair. Most importantly, I learned to identify disturbed clients before agreeing to represent them. I also concluded that all clients needed extensive preparation before depositions with adequate warnings about proper conduct. In cases like this one I decided the absence of the client would be in the client’s best interests. I also reflected on the fact that people are not perfect and that patience is a virtue.
In the end, thanks to the expert’s hard work, the deposition was a success for us. I also came away a better attorney. Subsequent depositions, no matter how arduous, didn’t seem that bad by comparison. I hope you learned a little something from this story. Maybe not. Maybe I just needed to vent. Anyway, always follow paid professional advice, keep quiet when necessary, and keep your speed reasonable. My head hurts now…
I re-posted a comment on my Cigar Etiquette column, https://perrinlovett.wordpress.com/2013/03/22/proper-cigar-etiquette/, from a reader who sent it to me via Facebook. It’s from a source I highly respect and I am pleased by the positive comments.
Later today I think I will publish another article or two. I have a funny story about an old case which I hope will dissuade some of you from venturing into the law.
In my quest to become a real university professor, I have been sending out new applications and following up on older ones. If you have a lead on a law or political science position at a good school in the eastern U.S., please let old Perrin know.
Sure enough, the Empire concedes that Obamacare will raise your insurance rates – 60 to 80%. What’s money though, so long as the big companies get to keep it?
Speaking of big. I wonder if large corporations in Cyprus run the risk of losing 40% of their money in Cypriot bank accounts. I have a funny feeling the answer is negative. Either that or they were warned in advance to collect their cash and run. Little people are left to run on the banks.
Some yahoo in Pennsylvania was arrested for deer hunting in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart store. I have a friend that did something similar a while back. It’s not known if the deer was made in a Chinese sweatshop.
10 Commandments, America, Angles, arms, Assize of Arms, Britain, Catechism, Catholic Church, Cicero, Codex Justianius, Deuteronomy, Digesta, England, Exodus, God, Israel, Jesus Christ, John, King Arthur, King David, King Henry II, King John, kings, law, Leviticus, Lex Talionis, Magna Carta, militia, Natural Law, Normans, Numbers, people, Pilate, Psalms, Romans, Saxons, Second Amendment, self-defense, Smauel, truth, tyranny
This is the second installment in my new series about the Second Amendment, militias, government, and the natural right of self/defense. After a few more segments I’ll get to the American experience. This column is concerned with more ancient sources. Read on.
My last segment concerned the Natural Law and the provisions therein allowing for armed resistance of force and tyranny. For those not acquainted with Natural Law (American attorneys, etc.), it is the universal law instituted by God for the management of human societies. God’s first draft was extraordinarily simple, as He supposed that people would be capable of easily governing themselves in paradise. The law was codified as: “Don’t eat that fruit.” Unfortunately, the first humans were as dense as their descendants today. They ate the fruit and thus complicated our lives forever.
God later attempted to set out ten simple laws He expected us to obey. True to our fallen, fallible, self-determining ways, we messed those up too. After constantly displaying an inability to adhere to the simple, the ancient Hebrews began to demand of God a “modern” system of government for themselves. They seemed jealous of surrounding Peoples who had, among other things, kings. God, in His omnipotence, offered that they Hebrews didn’t really need or want a king. They begged to differ, instituted a king, and began to suffer immediately.
After the failure of the kings, and the subjugation of the people by more powerful earthly empires, God sent His Son in yet another attempt to clarify His law. Jesus, simultaneously ratifying the existing law and providing an alternative route to salvation, issued another simple commandment. We have not been too quick to pick on that one either. Thus, it appears that people are stuck with their worldly trappings and their constant inability to deal honestly ad logically therewith until the Second Coming. Thus, in our present state, and if we are even capable, we must attempt to relate our world to the eternal principles of the Lord. That is Natural Law. Having ignored and broken the concrete mandates given us, we are left to guess at how such Law applies to our civilizations. Unlike the laws of science, math, and physics, which are difficult but possible to extrapolate and apply, the Laws of society are much less definable. This grasping process has been the work of scholars and theologians for millennia.
The Law as applied to self-preservation has been called the first law of nature. This makes sense as, without resorting to keeping ourselves from harm, most of the other “laws” we can divine seem to matter little.
Previously, I examined several Bible verses which supported the right of self-defense and preservation. I also cited the Catechism of the Catholic Church regarding the duty (not only the right) to defend oneself and those in one’s charge. This doctrine has existed for thousands of years. We are commanded: “Rescue the weak and needy; Deliver them out of the hand of the wicked.” Psalm 82:4.
King David, definitely not a pacifist, praised God, saying, “Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.” Psalms 144:1. First Samuel 25:13 described an Israelite muster: “And David said unto his men, Gird ye on every man his sword. And they girded on every man his sword; and David also girded on his sword.” The Israelites were a militia, not a standing army, note that David and every man was equipped with his sword, not a government issue model. Men were expected to report for duty already armed with their own weapons. That means they had to keep and bear those weapons in order to fulfill their duties to their society. This was also the early American situation, as it should be today.
These weapons were and are necessary to preserve freedom in society. Any sane man will pray that he never need use any measure of force in defense however, he should be ready to do so if necessary. The fifth or sixth Commandment (depending on how counted) clearly sets forth God’s intention to preserve life: “Thous shalt not kill.” It is also translated, “Thou shalt not murder.” Exodus 20:13, Deuteronomy 5:17.
The second translation is a prohibition on illicit killing, the first is a total ban. In a perfect world it would be natural to follow a total ban on killing others made in God’s image. However, as noted above, we have removed ourselves from perfection, be it temporarily. Thus, given where we are, while we should strive for perfection, we may be limited to keeping from unlawful killings.
In Leviticus, it appears that everything carries the death penalty. Many of these provisions have actually been codified into civil law over the ages. I’m not sure if anyone was ever executed for eating a shrimp. However, Leviticus gave us the basis for many capital crimes still such today. Accordingly, killers (murderers) may be executed in contravention of the Lord’s prohibition on killing. Leviticus 24:16-17. Numbers and Deuteronomy give further qualification as to which killings are crimes versus accidents.
Coupled with those passages I cited last time, these dictates seem to logically indicate that force, including lethal force, may be used to repel unjust criminal activities. The attendant duty upon us is to use the least force necessary to accomplish our defense.
Jesus exercised the ultimate restraint, in this regard, while enduring His treatment at the hands of His native detractors and Pilate. Jesus made clear His purpose: “I came into the world…to bear witness to the truth; and all who are on the side of truth listen to my voice.” John 18:38. Demonstrating an eternal human misunderstanding, Pilate replied “What is truth?” His purpose was not to overthrow earthly tyranny, but to provide an eternal alternative. Rather than being an act of non-self-defense, Christ’s actions were the ultimate act of defense of others. This truth may have been lost on one Roman, it was not on all Romans.
American law has been greatly influenced by our colonial past and our origins under the English Constitutional and common law. In turn, English law was dependant on ancient Rome for many of its sources. It must be remembered that the Kingdom of Britain once co-existed with the Eastern Roman Empire. Thus, the legal traditions passed to the Isle of Britannia were those of earlier Roman glory – from the Republic and the earlier Western Empire. From the founding of Rome until the time of Cicero, Roman laws were largely unwritten, even the Constitution. Codification cam much later, under Justinian. The Codex Justianius was issued in 529 A.D., five decades after the fall of the West. The Digesta of ancient law was written soon thereafter. Thus, began our tradition of dual sources of law – statutes and case-law.
I previously cited to the Codex for its express allowance of the use of armed force to deter attack, by private parties and government agents. This dual provision is tremendous as it presupposed that no-one is above the law and that even government force may be repelled when illegitimate. Increasingly in America, the government takes the opposite position – that it is infallible and may not be resisted, even when tyrannical. This is nonsense and may be disregarded as such.
In the next installment I will delve into the English tradition regarding arms and defense. This tradition slowly coalesced into the modern theory of the militia being comprised of armed individual men. Here, I will briefly note some of the long-standing traditions concerning arms in the British Isles before the rise of the common law and the Magna Carta.
“England” has been populated by various peoples probably for about 10,000 years. The earliest peoples there were organized along the lines of families and tribes, each with its own society and rules. It is obvious that most of these people were armed as they were constantly at war with one another and with the occasional outsider. It is clear as mud as to what extent they retained formal doctrines regarding rights, arms, militia duties, etc. “Self” defense often involved the entire tribe and was given to degenerating into all out war. We could assign the Lex Talionis “the law of revenge” or the “law of the jungle” as the chief governing principle of these early Britons.
As the centuries B.C. counted down, civilization and order began to grow in the Isles. Legend has it that King Arthur was able to unite most of the peoples of lower England under his banner. Whether he pulled a sword out of a stone is another matter but it seems that by his time (7th Century B.C.) swords were common among the people, both for use defensively and for militia service.
Thus, when the Romans arrived in 43 B.C., they found a fierce and well armed people, not at all amenable to taming. Four centuries of Roman occupation saw many changes in English life, including the ordering of the militias more along the lines of precise Legionary lines. This, civil and engineering upgrades, and Christianity generally served to the benefit of the people, then and following the Roman’s departure.
Following the Romans, came the Angles, the Saxons, and eventually the Normans, each of whom introduced new character to England. By at least the Twelfth Century England had evolved into a nation-state, not entire undistinguishable from its present form. Then, standing armies were rare and the kings relied upon their subjects to form militias during times of needs. Accordingly, free-men were expected, even ordered to keep arms for their and the common defense. Assize of Arms, Henry II (1181).
King John signed the Magna Carta in 1215 which, in Section 61, provided for armed rebellion of sorts (lead by the nobility) in the event the Crown became tyrannical. This process, of course, necessitated the continued institution of armed citizens.
(Magna Carta Memorial, Runnymede, England. Google.)
Next time, I will move forward in history and begin covering more modern English sources concerning the people, their rights, especially concerning arms and defense. This will serve as a prelude to the customs of those English persons who colonized America, carrying the ancient traditions with them.
Michael “Soda Jerk” Bloomberg is the quintessential example of why the people need to be armed. Doomberg is a petty tyrant who wants to control everything his minions do, say, and thing. The Jerk, in launching his new anti-self-defense campaign, has stated that sometimes people need to give up their rights to the overarching wisdom of government. Only people in a city like New York could tolerate this BS. The harder a politician pushes for gun control, the harder the people should push back, as the greater is their danger.
It now seems the thieves in Cyprus intend to steal up to 40% of their citizens cash from accounts holding more than 100,000 pounds. This is what the EU wanted in the beginning. This should eliminate any trust you still have in both organized government and organized banking. It’s time to treat them like the criminals they are.
I hear more dark rumors about the GOP caving on federal gun control (we just don’t have enough). I hear John McInsane is at the center of the new “compromise” which should be no surprise to anyone familiar with the old rat. He must have picked up a local bug during his tenure in that communist prison.
Gay marriage is before The Nine, pundits have the usual opinions. Why doesn’t anyone, other than’s yours truly, miss the fact that the government has no business interfering in familial relations period. Getting married has nothing to do with the accursed “license” some state issues a couple. End the madness.
More coming soon….