The Terrible Truth About ‘Exotic’ Batteries


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I blame the National Exotic Battery Association (NEBA), which I had to found in order to have someone to blame. Someone other than Mark Anthony Conditt, that is, for the Austin exotic battery/box bombings. At worst Conditt was merely a conduit for the extremely powerful, wealthy, and politically well connected NEBA. It’s time for them to hear all of our voices. The exotic battery reign of terror must end. #batterycontrol.

“Exotic” batteries ordered online helped lead authorities to the Austin, Texas, bombing suspect before he died early Wednesday as police closed in, multiple senior law enforcement officials told NBC News.

Austin police and federal agents had been working around the clock with 350 agents to track down the bombing suspect.

A criminal complaint filed before the suspect died identified him as Mark Anthony Conditt, 23. (Police had said earlier that Conditt was 24.) Newly unsealed court records said Conditt would have been charged with receiving, possessing and transferring a destructive device.

Law enforcement remained at the scene around his home on Wednesday afternoon.

The unusual batteries were the signature trait that allowed investigators to so quickly link the various explosives to Conditt, sources said. One senior law enforcement official said the batteries came from Asia.

Mr. Trump, for the love of God, institute a tariff on these Asian instruments of mass voltage. Then ban them.

I call on YouTube to immediately adjust its policies so as to delete and censor all mention, demonstration, sale, usage, or other facilitation of exotic batteries. Failure to do so within 30 minutes will constitute obvious racism.

Young Hogg could be going over his script right now.

CNN could classify these events as school shootings.

Let’s see…

Only the police and military need such powerful batteries. You can get by with a discount, off brand AAA from the dollar store – and only one per person per year – assuming you can pay the new taxes and pass the stringent background check – after the waiting period – etc.

Batteries are anti LGGGBTTTQIIAAAXXRTYCOTPPSSUIDDDQQQMMLX. (They added a few more).

Hunters do not need batteries.

6,000 times more children are killed by exotic batteries than by assault rifles – and that’s a lot!

Criminals are more likely to use your battery against you than the other way around.

The Second Amendment does not protect anyone’s right to batteries.

No one needs such high capacity, positive terminal batteries of mass direct current. They don’t even alternate.

Note that Mark used the exotic battery online “loophole.” Close it.

Hitler used batteries.

Canada banned exotic batteries in 1978.

Even Republicans will agree that batteries ruffle bow ties.

America is the exotic battery murder capital of the world.

Young Hogg … oh, already mentioned him.

Batteries are scary.

Batteries can be linked together to form something known as a “bank.” I suppose that’s short for “bump bank.” Ban them now!

The kids are planning to walk out or lay down or something.


It takes a Hazmat crew to safely handle exotic batteries. CNBC/AP.

Where is the hysterical, idiotic reaction from the usual suspects, those virtuous proponents of communism and associated gun control? The silence is deafening.


Happy Springtime


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It’s the first FULL day of Spring. I missed the actual start yesterday. Sorry. A little busy.

To make up for it I created a little video for FP (and you) about the recent Bombings in Austin, Texas. Please watch:

Perrin Lovett/FPTV/YouTube.

We’re off to a blast … sorry again.

More to come. Stay tuned.

Just Sayin, Just Askin: Robert Mugabe Special Edition


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I mentioned this one and then left it simmer. Maybe a little dated now but here it is: I needed something to robo-post… funny, I think:

Robert Mugabe, the Warlord in Chief of Zimbabwe Post-Rhodesia, had an American woman jailed for telling the truth about him. I haven’t done a quick fire in a while so I thought I dedicate this one to the old thug. Well, most of it. But, first:

Donald Trump does Japan. Word has it thousands of terrified locals ran about screaming, “Orangezilla! Orangezilla!” Could have been a coincidence…

The ATF and FBI, on-scene at the Texas church today, issued a joint statement about the crime: “Koresh set the fires! We’re here to save the children or what’s left of them. Reno said the tanks were legal… Oh… it’s… it’s 2017. Wheeeeeew. Not terrorism.”

To my statist liberal and cuckservative friends: The FBI alleged MLK was a complete degenerate. Is it time to admit maybe “your” government is always infallible? Or, is it now time to tear down those monuments. Y’all lemme know. I’m good either way.

A wayward (and soon to be SJW’d) Starbucks employee saved America from Antifa yesterday. For each of the “protest” localities he ran the following message: “Out of soy latte.” Good on ya, bub.

Donna Brazile said HRC and Co. treated her like “Patsy the slave” during the 2016 election. Hillary was rumored to have been talking with Robert Byrd’s ghost on the Ouija Board around the same time.

Some call for banning guns. Others say ban terrorists. No one says ban trucks. Why not just call it all even and make murder illegal???

Arthur Blank has confessed to innocence on the part of his kneeling birdies. He understandably claims they didn’t know it was a protest or solidarity move; they just figured kneeling down was what losers do.

Robert Mueller has a case of constipation no indictment will cure.

AND NOW … Mugabe.

No word on why the young NYU grad was in Rhodesia Zimbabwe Hell. Her business, that. She maybe should have read Mencken on people hating the truth, powerful people in especial. She said Mugabe was a “sick man.” Okay, they hate half truths. The “sick” part is spot on – in so many ways. Sick “man” though? Come on, sweetie. We’re dealing a little to the left on the evolution chart here.

Ugly: adjective, unpleasant or repulsive, especially in appearance. See this:


Is is “Mugabe”? or “Mugaboo”? Mug – A – Boo. He mugs a lot of boos. All of them in fact.

Mugabe’s picture adorns Zimbabwe’s $100 Upmty-trillion Bill, currently sufficient to buy half a slice of bread.

UPDATE: Thanks to Mugabe’s stellar agricultural management, there is currently no bread in Zimbabwe. Save your money!

If not for periodic catheterization and his weekly prostate massage, Mugabe would have no social life at all.

If Obama had a really haggard, crusty old grandpa, who wrecked a formerly prosperous nation and looks like he lives in the back of a garbage truck, he’d look a lot like Mugabe.

How long is an eternity? Right now, it’s looking like 93 years.

NEWSFLASH!!!! Mugabe hit on Kevin Spacey last Friday night. Spacey is now straight as a board. And still vomiting.

If Hitler had been black he would have looked a lot like Mugabe – minus the flies.

A mislead yokel happily reported to Mugabe that the last white farmer had been run out on a rail. The young man then stammered that food was now a little low. He asked the dictator innocently, “what shall we eat?” Mugabe replied with a hungry grin, “you.”

Mugabe not so secretly hates his subjects. He recently denigrated one for having the audacity to die of starvation on the hood of Mugabe’s Rolls.

Mugabe is the one man reason for every single African refugee in the world. Can you blame them?

Mosquitoes are bad for Zika. Zika is bad for babies. Mugabe is bad for all three. Balance?

In 1994 Queen Elizabeth made the monumental mistake of knighting Mugabe. He stole the sword…

Late at night in the ghettos, now everywhere that isn’t Mugabe’s palace, hopeless Zimbabweans pray for deliverance – to the ghost of Ian Smith. (Not making that one up.)

Scorpions and asps tell Mugabe fables to keep their crawling and slithering children in line.

The only thing more wonderful than calling Mugabe a sick man would be to honestly call him a dead man.

Mugabe’s economic “reforms” hit the GDP so hard, they felt it back in old Rhodesia. Trans-quantum theft and corruption. Got to be a first!

An Ogre-faced Spider (Deinopidea Scariness-ia), largest and meanest in Zimbabwe, screamed like a little girl one day. It saw Mugabe in its shoe.

A team of time-traveling archeologists from the future wanted to study the meteor strike killed the dinosaurs and devastated the planet. They landed in Mugabe’s Zimbabwe by mistake. “Close enough,” their leader said.

And that’s close enough for us now…

* Got a few score drafts hanging around. I also owe some book reviews. Time to catch up?


It Mistook Her For Sarah Connor


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Rise of the killer AI machines.

Uber Bot Murders Arizona Woman in Street:

Uber Technologies Inc. halted autonomous vehicle tests after one of its cars struck and killed a woman in Tempe, Arizona, in what is likely the first pedestrian fatality involving the technology.

The 49-year-old woman, Elaine Herzberg, was crossing the road outside of a crosswalk when the Uber vehicle operating in autonomous mode under the supervision of a human safety driver struck her, according to the Tempe Police Department.

After the incident, which happened at 10 p.m. local time on Sunday, she was transferred to a nearby hospital, where she died from her injuries. “Uber is assisting and this is still an active investigation,” Liliana Duran, a Tempe police spokeswoman, said in an emailed statement.

Translation: The woman was crossing the street, constructively in a crosswalk. The murderous Uber Bot decided to terminate her by inflicting mass trauma. HAL overrode the human safety driver and proceeded at full speed. The woman died as a result of the attack. Robots: 1, Humans, 0.

First they crushed the feet of tiny toddlers. Then the shoved their way through doors. Now they’re running people down in the streets. The little exploding insect-bomb bots will visit the mall tomorrow.

It’s war.

*Critical Note: A knee-jerk reaction would be to call for a legal ban on robots. As nice as that sounds in theory we have to consider the nature of the slimy beasts who purvey legislation. They might sell it as a ban for the safety of the human race; rest assured it would do the opposite – creating a virtual open season on us. (Probably with a hidden tax increase too).


Uber comes calling. YouTube/Orion.

Heard the Chimes at Midnight?


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You probably quoted William Shakespeare lately, maybe without knowing, even meaning it. 21 Phrases from the Bard:

Nay, if our wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five. Was I with you there for the goose?” — Mercutio, Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene IV.

True is it that we have seen better days and have with holy bell been knolled to church, and sat at good men’s feasts and wiped our eyes of drops that sacred pity hath engendered.” — Duke Senior, As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII.

And more. English. Speak it proudly.



More on #BoxControl


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Another bomb and two more casualties in Austin.

In a press conference on Monday morning, Austin Police Chief Brian Manley said though the method of detonation was different, this latest bomb has similarities to three previous explosions in the city that left two dead and two injured.

It happened in the 4800 block of Dawn Song Drive near Mopac and 290 around 8:45 p.m. Sunday.

Austin Police are asking anyone in the Travis Country neighborhood with security cameras to notify the department right away in hopes of finding any information on the suspect or suspects.

The area is now safe, police say, but the neighborhood will remain locked down until 2 p.m.

Manley says investigators are “working under the belief” that the explosives are similar, but Sunday’s bomb was on the side of the road, not on a front porch.

The side of the road. Like an IED in Iraq or somewhere. Something is starting to smell. Also stinking is the silence of the commies who March for Marx over the NRA, you, and your guns. No #boxcontrol? #IEDcontrol? Just silence. Hmmm…



Dead or Alive, Government Does Not Care About You


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Dead men tell no tales, generally. Even if they do, the authorities don’t care to hear them. A dead man in Romania pleads his case:

Constantin Reliu learned in January that he was dead.

After more than 20 years of working as a cook in Turkey, the 63-year-old returned home to Romania to discover that his wife had had him officially registered as dead.

He has since been living a legalistic nightmare of trying to prove to authorities that he is, in fact, alive. He faced a major setback Thursday when a court in the northeastern city of Vaslui refused to overturn his death certificate because his request was filed “too late.”

The decision, the court said, is final.

“I am a living ghost,” Reliu told The Associated Press in a phone interview Friday from his home in Barlad, northeastern Romania.

“I am officially dead, although I’m alive,” he said. “I have no income and because I am listed as dead, I can’t do anything.”

It’s a strange case to be sure, though not one completely unheard of. Strange cases, like hard cases, may make bad law. Yet, it is telling about the nature of that system everyone, in Romania and elsewhere, keeps supporting, touting.


Very natural looking. Lifelike. AFP/Getty.

The law cares about the law in, of, and for itself. The existence of mere mortals, caught in the various trappings, is immaterial. Political lies aside, the government has no interest in helping or serving people. The serfs are there to pay taxes, herd around, obey rules, and approve the criminal class via elections. Anyone with a problem is out of luck.

This is not unlike the plight of victimized children in America and other countries. They may have suffered horribly at the hands of evil doers. Sometimes a real prosecution results. Just as frequently the criminals are convicted – not for the real crimes against the kids – but for lying to the state, hiding money from the state, or something else bearing on the all-important health and well-being of the state. Won’t anyone please think of the poor little state?

It’s not about the children.

Or the lively dead man.

One could, with sufficient imagination, think of a few benefits of being “dead” though. Like when it comes to abusive ex-wives, deaf, stupid judges, idiot pols, and hard hearted autocrats. Dead men can’t commit crimes, can they?

**Yesterday’s remotely scheduled post happened to be number 100 of the year. It was also a numerical palindrome, number 1,661 overall.

Top Ten IQ-Lowering Activities to Avoid


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From Listverse:

Number One? Watching television.

Researchers have discovered that when it comes to intelligence, you are what you watch.

While it is fair to say that certain shows are informative, there are plenty of trashy shows that do not offer any educational value. However, in addition to lacking substance, stupid television shows have also been proven to actually make people dumber.

Markus Appel, an Austrian psychologist and professor, tested a group of college students on various subjects. Before administering the test, half the students were given a story about a silly man making all sorts of bad decisions. After reading about the not-so-smart shenanigans of the character, those students performed worse on the tests than the students who had not read the story.

Appel blames the results on “media priming.” Media priming refers to the residual, often unintended, effects of being exposed to media. This can result in changes in behavior, opinions, or intelligence.

This means that watching a reality show with a dumb person on it might seem funny, but their stupidity is contagious.



The others mostly make sense too. Enough sense for a Sunday.