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Spring is about to spring. And that means the young lovelies will be out in force. If you’re in the big Gulf Coast Mecca of fun, I have a few places to check out for the checking out. These are presented in no particular order. And, yes, this is a “bad” Perrin posting…

Ten. Davidoff Super Store

Boy Scout Road, across from International. The best times for watching (and playing) are Thursday, Friday, and Saturdays after 11 PM. They eat at the foo foo places in the vicinity and then saunter over. ALWAYS a good time! Even if it’s not prime time, 2 million+ cigars in stock are worth the trip. *Note: the bar and wait staff, after 11 AM, are awesome. Sometimes there are special events with special ladies. The nights are girl-friendly happy hours. **Note: In the days, at the bar, enjoy yourselves, but know that if you rub the hostesses the wrong way, Ed, Mark, Yours Truly, and 15 other dedicated “regulars’ will stomp your a$$.

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Anytime really…

Nine. Publix

Seriously. Publix supermarkets. Any one. I especially like the ones on Dale Mabry. Any time is good though after 4 PM seems to be prime time. Fresh Market on Henderson has also been known to attract a bevy…

Eight. Bayshore

Any day of the year. Any time of day. A week or so back I attempted to bike from Downtown to Ballast Point. I remember little aside from the bouncing happiness…

Seven. Gandy Bridge Beach

I have never stopped on the route – a few miles across the Bay. Glancing from side to side I see nothing but bikinis between the mangroves and 4X4s. A microcosmic “Redneck Riviera”. And the Gandy-686-688 corridor leads too…

Six. Indian Rocks Beach

All the beaches are great; I just love this one. I recommend the area from 12th Ave. to the big, public parking … park, north of 688 on 699. Again, it’s any day, any time, any time of year. Lulu’s and Crabby Bill’s also provide a good experience (with excellent food and drinks).

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Yeah. A covert “selfie” works sometimes…

Five. LA Fitness

I really hate the place. They “want me back” and I don’t care. Bad service, Guidos, and assorted trash – not working out but loudly taking up space. Of course, there are an abundance of gym bunnies hopping around. And, of course, I speak of the Signature Club on S. D.M. Hwy.

Four. Downtown

I especially hate downtown. Not just in this city. Any downtown, other than Boston or NYC after midnight, sucks. Still, if one ventures into one of the many crowded bars in the area between the canal/little Bay and Ybor, expect to be entertained. This also applies to Channelside and SOHO (which, IMHO, really sucks)…

Three. Da Clubs

Okay. If you’re desperate, lazy, bored, or low “game”, then there is always the consistency of Mons or THEE Doll House, etc. There’s a system of how these places work; don’t be a fool, unless you have money to burn and loads of time to waste. *Note: Tarot cards, shiny objects, and other trivial BS go a long way towards attracting the native working girls.

Two. International Mall

All the malls really… Westshore, and especially the International, bring them out. 24/7 – as long as the place is open – it’s wall-to-wall women. Seriously, it is nothing but (90%) hotties, (9.9%) dandy fags, and men like me (usually being led around by a woman or a gaggle of spend-happy teenage girls). Best area is the food court, the tables by the restaurants, perhaps centered up around the Japanese place.

One. Everywhere else

Anywhere else. It’s all good territory. I just learned that Hillsborough and Pinellas Counties have ordinances against fat and/or unattractive women.

Happy hunting. You can thank me later. The political madness and cigar mania will resume tomorrow.