I have, today, declared a state of emergency at this highly respected web log.™
In order to combat the terrible effects of the COVID-19 Coronavirus (aka Wuhan-400, Kung Flu, or Wu Flu) disease and/or panic, I have imposed the following regulations:
All visitors to this site may only read content while wearing full, hermetically-sealed NBC suits, to include DOD-approved helmets (FAST, PASGT, etc.);
All visitors to this site must at all times remain a minimum of 237 feet away from each other and 16 nautical miles away from the perrinlovett.me server (400 kilometers at any time when Perrin Lovett is active at the keyboard [look for the orange light]);
No visitors, other those female visitors pre-rated as a “9+,” are allowed inside The Bunker for any reason;
No more than 22.4 visitors are permitted at this site at any given nano-second;
Visitors are not necessarily under house arrest;
No visitor shall operate an active sonar or other RF frequency-emitting device broadcasting at or above 3.33 kHz, as such might disturb the fish;
THE FOLLOW PERSONS ARE BANNED FROM THE SITE: ALL POLITICIANS AND ELECTED OFFICIALS,* All Politically-appointed Officials, All Central and Commercial Bankers, All Grabblers, All Idiots, All Mentally and/or Emotionally Compromised Persons, All Severely Intoxicated Persons, All Persons Covered Under Previous Bans, The Illiterate, All Drag Queens and +VPC’s, and All Orcs. Ban subject to modification without notice; furthermore,
All violations of the foregoing are subject to summary Phalanx CIWS or AGM-114 proceedings, future bans, or catcalls.
Together I am confident that we can BEAT THE BUG! Do your part. Safer by comb. Etc. Thank you.
– Perrin Lovett
*Exception is made, of course, for those officials to whom an express invitation was previously extended.