I blame the National Axe and Car Association (or “NACA”) if there is such a thing. Today, further proof that we, as a civilized country-shaped place, must ban both assault axes and high-capacity vans:
One person has died after a driver reportedly swung an ax at a group of people and ran over them in San Francisco.
At least five people were struck in a vehicular hit-and-run in San Francisco’s Dogpatch neighborhood, near the intersection of Illinois and 24th Street, according to San Francisco police.
The driver fled the scene but was later taken into custody near Alemany Boulevard and Cayuga Avenue, police said. Four of the five victims were in “life threatening condition,” according to SFPD, and one later died after being transported to a nearby hospital.
The incident occured around 10:25 a.m., police said.
One witness said a driver in a white GMC van had an argument with a man on the sidewalk and a few other people intervened. The witness said the driver got out of his vehicle and had an ax.
A second witness also said the driver had a small ax and that the people involved in the argument chased the driver back into the van. That’s when the driver drove into the people on the sidewalk.
Police said they don’t know the relationship between the injured and the suspect, and they do not believe there is a threat to the public at this time.
“No threat to the public” kind of sounds like “not terrorism,” which suggests strongly it might have been. That or a case of California feloniam fecerit sanctis.
Lord! What am I saying?! I certainly do not mean to impune the character of the actual suspect. You did this, axe and auto owners of America! One dead and four wounded. Happy now? #enoughisenough.
Here’s a little hysteria to get the youth marching:
An axe (aka “ax”) is, for those of you in Manhattan, a bladed weapon, one nominally used to fell trees (those large bushy things in Central Park you don’t like). Bladed weapons in America are used, in an average year, to murder several times as many people as are murdered with all types of rifles and shotguns combined. And, as bad as that number is, it is usually 20-25X behind the number of Americans killed annually with motor vehicles.
Where is the outrage? NACA, if it exists, could possibly pour tens, maybe even scores, of dollars into lobbying politicians to get what it wants. And what it wants is dead children. No word on the age of today’s fatality victim but he was, at some point, someone’s child.
Think of the children.
And then get them marching. And chanting. With signs. With agents, deals, and magazine covers.
Fly in some clueless celebrity trash.
Someone call George Soros. *Area Code in Gorgoroth has recently changed.*
At this moment Anderson Cooper could be asking Stormy Daniels if this attack qualifies as a school shooting™.
Young Hogg, if he can keep his script story straight, might say something. Something loud!
The Old Bow Tie may, just may, propose repealing another Amendment.
Only the police and military need…
You can’t hunt with…
You’re more likely to blah, blah…
More mindless platitudes…
Here’s a pictorial worthy of the Times’s Editorial Page:
Yeah. An axe has always been an axe. But the Founders drove buggies, not military style assault vans!
And, yes. I have previously called for banning both axes and motor vehicles, WMDs whose only purpose is killing innocent people. And highlighting gun control hypocrisy.
PERRIN LOVETT 
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