I blame the National Knife Association. If there is such a thing.
No word on any “Aloha Snackbar-ing,” so we’ll just say some criminal bastard attacked a family on the streets of Vienna, Austria with a knife.
Several people are hurt after a man went on a knife rampage in Vienna, Austria.
At least three people are “seriously injured” after the attacker “randomly attacked pedestrians”.
The three people are reported to be an Austrian family – a mum, dad and daughter – who were attacked outside a Japanese restaurant.
The blood is on the blood-stained hands of the bloody NKA.
We need, well Austria needs, okay we and Austria need #knifecontrol.
Common sense knife control.
Reasonable restrictions on knives.
Waiting periods for knives.
No one under 21 should buy or own a knife.
High capacity blade length, assault knives.
Mental health records to buy knives.
High taxes on sheaths.
Hell with it – BAN ALL KNIVES!
The Second Amendment only protects the National Guard’s right to knives.
Knives ARE ONLY used to kill innocent people.
Knives are scary.
Knives are exactly like AR-47s.
CNN has probably already called this attack a school shooting. CNN!
Young Hogg, you know – the child actor with the agent, the boogie board, and the agenda – is probably speaking out. Possibly semi-coherently.
Only the police and the military (and maybe butchers and former running backs) need knives.
Hunters do not need knives. Okay, they do, but let’s keep the lies up!
You can’t protect yourself with a knife. Oops, again…
You’re 3 trillion times more likely to be victimized with your own knife than to successfully use it to deter a criminal. There! A good lie…
The average citizen does not need such sharp instruments of death. Sporks will do nicely, comrades.
There are knives in your child’s school. Think of the children.
Knives kill a disproportionate number of minorities. And oysters. Shuck it?
Knives are used to murder three times as many Americans every year as shotguns and rifles combined. Woah! Yeah, I know, … a real fact. Sorry. #knifecontrol!
Tide Pod-eating kids demand #knifecontrol.
Rumor has it The Trump has already moved to administratively ban whetstones. Chuck and Nancy approve.
Enough is enough!