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With all the recent, continuing and escalating terror attacks, I have put together a little list, far from comprehensive, of things the left and the control freaks might want to consider banning. Here goes:

Guns (duh);

Bombs (yes, these are already banned but I say double ban them);

Truck bombs (makes sense, right?);

Trucks sans bombs (especially high-capacity, assault style trucks);

Ice cream trucks (all trucks, really);




SUVs (very much like a truck);

Large cars;

Okay, okay – all vehicles (heavier than, say, 500 lbs (?) and capable of traveling faster than 10 MPH);

Airplanes (let’s not forget 9/11);


Cruise ships;

All other (non-government run) ships;

Axes (it was the axe, not the insane Muslim screaming, “Allahu Akbar”);


Allahu Axe-bar! Marcel Hol.

Knives and swords;

Any kind of blade, metallic or otherwise;


Baseball bats;


Hockey sticks;

Golf clubs;

Tennis rackets;

Ping pong paddles (just a smaller tennis racket, you know);



Metal pipes;


Concrete blocks;


Any movable objects denser than a feather;

Feathers (better safe than sorry);

Public events;

Airports (won’t be needed without planes anyway);

Train stations (no trains, remember);

Bus stations (ditto);

Movie theaters;



Coffee shops;

Other shops;

Newspaper offices;

Other offices;


Churches (Charleston…);

Synagogues (I would say Mosques, but that would be racist);

Bombs (third times the charm);

Sporting events;

Any gathering of more than one person (if there’s an attack, let it just be a suicide);

Day cares (someone must think about the children);

Children (banning our move pitiful victims means there won’t be any to pity!);

Houses (with all the above places gone, the terrorists may seek out your home);

Water (just a matter of time before they poison the well);


Uhhh…this is getting hard…

Come to think of it, maybe each and every man and woman (no kids, recall) should just be locked up in solitary. That way they would be safe from everything. A permanent loss of all freedom is a small price to pay for safety. Safe and secure!

Or, we could just ban terrorists.