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PERRIN LOVETT

~ Deo Vindice

PERRIN LOVETT

Category Archives: Other Columns

Columns concerning any and everything. Enjoy!

Questions and Comments 4/6/2013 **100th Post!**

06 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in News and Notes, Other Columns

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

100 posts, 911, bacteria, bikinis, blog, buffet, churches, CIA, Cuba, drives, Easter, fat, God, gym, Hooters, jail, Karl Marx, lies, Miguel Jimenez, NFL, PGA, Secret Service, Snufus, stupid, time machine, Un

This is the 100th post here at the old blog!  Let’s have a party!

balloons

(Woo Hoo!! Google Images.)

Even with the 100 posts, I’ve only used a little less than 1% of my existing space here so the party will continue for many years.  I will be going “pro” soon, with major upgrades, which I think include even more memory.  Look forward to a lifetime of Perrin’s mad rants.

You may have gathered that yesterday’s post was cut short in mid draft.  It was; I wrapped it up where it was and published.  The legal profession called and I had to answer.  Two of my friends learned the hard way why you never want to call 911 nor talk to the police.  I spent the afternoon trying unsuccessfully to have a warrant recalled and the night getting someone out of the Government Hotel.  I got home from the jail (and the grocery store…) around midnight.  Do not talk to the police!  They arrest people.

When I arrived at Casa Lovett I found a visitor sleeping in the kitchen.  For a week our family is hosting Snuffus, the Guinea Pig, from my daughter’s class.  I was informed this morning that he is a she and is not named Snufus.  I like “Snufus” but I will call her a her from now on.  I’ll try to post some pictures.  Does anyone have any good stew recipes???

Well, I thought you might have some weekend questions and I happen to have a bunch of comments.  I also have some questions of my own.  Heeeere we go:

If fat makes you mad, that might explain why Young Un is the maddest SOB in North Korea.  Ehhh?

The South Korean press reports that dear leader Kim J. UnUsual cuts his own hair … with a sling-blade.

Little Kimmy reportedly said when he grows up he wants to be the communist idol of his dreams, Barry Sotoro.

Anyone know what the range of hampster-wheel powered ICBMs is?

If Krazy K. actually nuked Washington, D.C., would anyone miss it?

Would we be obliged to give him a medal or a gym membership?

What’s the uproar about these four gay football players?  The whole NFL has been “out” for several years now…

NFL commissioner Roger Goodywell has decreed the game will no longer involve contact; accordingly, they have ordered several thousand pink flags.

Lauren Silberman admitted she “threw” her kicking audition upon learning none of the cute guys at the combine were straight.

Starting next year the Super Bowl will be henceforth known as the “Stellar Stupendous Basin Thingy.”

Mike Rice, recently relieved of his job, has also been banned from all NFL stadiums for life.

Bubba “General Hover Lee” Watson is the Thomas Edison of the PGA.

Michael Phelps has taken up golf; he wants his clubs measured by ounces or grams, not simple numbers.

The Augusta “Big Tent” Hooters hosts TWO!! bikini contests Masters week.  Did you know that?

Miguel Angel Jimenez is the manliest man to ever grace a golf course!  Any dispute?  Good.

Miguel-Angel-Jimenez-cigar_2637345

(The. Man.  You can’t hang, go home.  Google.)

Bill Clinton has founded the Young Beaver Cigar Company, with the logo: “Smoke a Beaver!”

You secretly like old Bill, don’t you?

Little Barry started smoking cigars, Alec Bradley’s to be exact, instead of cigarettes; he abruptly stopped when he realised it’s the “Maxx” not the “Marx.”

Barry’s native village witch doctor has successfully contacted Karl Marx in hell via a séance.  He is expected to join the cabinet soon as an economic analyst.

With Obama, Biden, and Kerry at the helm, why worry about North Korea?

Urban Moving Systems is back in business.  Their new jingle is called We Move at Free Fall Speed. 

In related news, Larry Silverstein has leased and quintuple insured the Sears Tower.

Any truth to the rumor Benedict Arnold was a CIA provocateur?

A forty-story skyscraper in Chechnya completely burned on all floors last week without collapsing neatly into its own footprint at free fall speed.  The entire Chechnyan people have been declared terrorists.

If a poor goat-herder stumbles upon a poppy plant and there are no CIA agents around, is he still an enemy combatant?

If you believe anything the government reports, please email me for your $1000 100th post gala tickets (no refunds).

Is it only that Democrats from California are ugly, or does being a California Democrat make you ugly?

Dianne Feinstein is so ugly, roaches use her picture to scare away pests.

Removing Republicans from the statistics raises the average I.Q. thirty points, while curing “Low-T” completely.

Whatever became of the GOP “Wide Stance” Club??

In response to the recent bribe scandal in New York, Michael “Soda Jerk” Bloomberg has banned pepperoni pizzas…

Mark Sanford was nominated this week for a South Carolina Congressional Seat but was unable to comment.  Seems he was hiking on the AT.

Bill Clinton also announced he was going hiking at the same time.  A conspiracy?

Why does the Secret Service redact the Argentine sex-offenders list?

John Boehner says he will keep smoking but is expected to cave later.

Jay Z can stay in Cuba but I want Beyonce back … with Partagas Serie Ds.

The bigger she gets, the more Kim Kardashian reminds me of Michelle O.  See it?

If America gets any more obese, will we have to make AlGore our King?

I saw a fat chick in the gym this morning.  Just kidding.

The Golden Trough buffet chain has announced they will replace the bacteria ridden chocolate fountain with a pure fat waterfall.

Bigger King executives wanted to introduce a Quadruple Whooper but they couldn’t configure enough defibrillators in their restaurants.  Darn physics…

The Miss America Padgett will have to reinforce the stage to prevent a collapse if trends continue.  They will also have to replace the swimsuit round with a car cover round.

Given the demand and Medicare reimbursements, Freightliner and Volvo trucks have announced they will stop producing semis and switch their assembly lines to fat scooter production.

46% of American drivers report confusing the brake and gas petals though all report they can deftly drift lanes while cellphone jibbering.

Given American road traffic, why not spare us the obsolescence of accelerators?

People need governments, like governments needs guns.

If guns kill people, how did Abel die?

The car wash manager asked me to keep my pistol in the car as it offended and frightened his resident panhandlers and muggers.

A fat ugly woman at an anti-gun rally said she would rather be raped than shoot a rapist.  As if she’d have the chance.

Did Barack Obama intend the greatest gun salesman in history?

When asked to identify North Korea on a map, 50% of American high school students responded they though math was discriminatory.

Should American high schools just as well replace graduations with sentencings?

A third grader who brought a butter knife to school in her lunch box was arrested when it was discovered she could spell.

Will you really trust your government-educated grandchildren to change your diapers and manage your affairs in a few years?

The government has tentatively discovered a way to re-employ younger Americans in factories so as to shore up Social Security for baby boomers.  Does anyone know where they can come by a time machine?

Do all traffic intersections play hip hop music nowadays or is it a mass coincidence?

American churches reported the lowest level of Easter services attendance in history recently.  When asked if He was concerned, God said it was just as well.

If pollen was a source of fuel and food, we’d be set for millenia.

And lastly,

Who the heck is Honey Boo Boo?  And, do the Republicans plan to put her on Jeb’s 2016 ticket?

That’s all for this afternoon.  Thanks for 100 great readerships.  Keep up the good work and I will too!

Ten More Things For A Happier Life

04 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

advice, camping, Cassandra, change, clutter, fast food, fat, fish, garden, hiking, hobby, hypnosis, insurance, loafing, mind, money, nature, NFL, pink, sissies, sleep, trades, Troy, useless, Who Moved My Cheese?

I like making these lists.  Many of these ideas I have tried to put into practice, some just come to me and I share them with you so we can implement them together.  Let’s see what I have today…

1. Less is More

My favorite Priest and George Carlin did the same stand-up routines about people and their “stuff,” not sure you copied whom.  Anyway, modern people have an over-abundance of things, items, and stuff weighting them down like anchors.  Clean out the clutter!  Here’s how to do it: look around your home and see what items you have not used in the past six months.  By and large, those are things you just don’t need.  I have never been a pack-rat but about a year and a half ago I had the opportunity to look through most of the things I owned.  I got rid of the majority of them.  Now, I’m happier and I never miss anything I scraped.  You’d be amazed at the things people will buy from you.  Sell what you can, donate as much as you can, and can the rest.  Once you start, it is very easy.  Get rid of all the unnecessary stuff in your life.  Then, see number five, below.

2. Get Back to Nature.

First I recommended walking around, then hiking.  What I’m referring to here is more than just taking a hike.  It means slowing down and enjoying the natural world around you.  Modern conveniences are great at times, but they usually lack a human feel.  To reconnect with the world just try sitting quietly outside.  Look around, count squirrels.  After your hike, pitch a tent and camp out.  Cook over a fire.  At home, plant a garden and eat what you grow.  It’s better for you and gives you something to do that makes you feel truly accomplished.  It’s pretty easy too. 

backyard-vegetable-garden

(Play in the dirt!  Google.)

3. Take Some Time Off to do Nothing

People rush around like rats in a maze nowadays.  That may be the life for some but I figure there’s more to life than just rushing.  Usually, folks only stop their day-to-day madness for a specific event – a sick day, vacation, or some special event.  I say, just every once in a while, take a day to do nothing.  Call in sick one day and spend it loafing.  Odds are, you need it.  Time off refreshes the brain and will enable you to tackle your chores with greater vigor – tomorrow.  Americans, despite chronic unemployment and diminishing incomes, are still the hardest working people on earth.  Reward yourself with a little “you” time.

4. Start a Hobby With a Useful Skill

Everyone has a job – teacher, architect, lawyer, driver, etc.  Imagine, if you will, that one day the world changes and your profession is no longer in need.  Then what?  Wouldn’t it be great to have something else to fall back on?  Pick a trade or hobby that will always be in demand (gardening/farming, sewing, carpentry, etc.) and add it to your vocational repertoire.  You’ll learn something, have fun, and have an edge if things change – they always do.

5. Give up Something You Don’t Need

Yes, this is kind of related to number one but, instead of letting go of a physical thing, give up something you do that really isn’t that important to your life.  You’ll improve yourself thereby.  Over the past ten years or so I’ve been trying as hard as possible to put as much distance between myself and our idiotic popular culture as I can.  I have no interest in vapid celebrities, boring television, statist-organized movies, and music which is really just noise with a price tag.  With the exceptions of watching golf and the Dawgs, I have stopped paying attention to all competitive sports which do not involve me cranking a reel, squeezing a trigger, or physically improving myself.  Recently, I decided to cut my last tie with professional sports (excepting golf) by giving up pro football.  The NFL is no longer a sport, now it’s a soap opera with injuries, time-outs, the TSA, and pink everywhere.  I don’t need to watch overpaid prima donnas clad in pink play a child’s game for four hours.  I’d rather smoke a cigar, pump iron, or fry the fish I catch.  Besides, pro sports were specifically engineered by the elite as our “bread and circuses” in order to keep us pacified.  I’m not easy to pacify and impossible to control.  Rebel against something!

pink

(So manly. Not.  Google.)

6. Spare Someone the Advice

Most people do not listen to your advice, solicited or otherwise.  If they do, they usually ignore it.  This even happens if they pay you for your advice – I know all about this.  Note: I am in no way talking about great blogs here…  Cassandra was the Princess of Troy.  She constantly gave advice and made predictions.  Despite being correct 100% of the time, no-one ever listened to her.  Don’t be Cassandra.  People will usually do as they will, it’s their nature.  Let them be.

7. Re-Evaluate Where You Stand

Where are you?  Who are you?  Are you a middle-aged man in a small, crapulent city you hate?  Do you always vote for a particular party of ticks just because they’re “your party?”  Going to school because you can’t think of anything else to do?  Sounds like it’s time to do some soul-searching and maybe make a change.  Change is good.  Read Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, http://www.amazon.com/Who-Moved-My-Cheese-Amazing/dp/0399144463/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365124623&sr=8-1&keywords=who-moved-my-cheese, do understand why.  If what you’re doing isn’t working for you, stop.  If it is, rejoice and continue.

8. Cut the Processed Food

I lost 50 pounds of unsightly fat (probably more setting aside muscle gain) in the past 6 months.  Part of my plan, which I didn’t really plan, was to stop eating out and to eat unprocessed or fresh foods at home.  It just happened for me and the results are astounding.  Fast food is loaded with fat, grease, poisonous additives, and carbohydrates (which turn into fat).  It also costs a lot of money.  A burger or ice cream every now and then is okay.  It won’t hurt your diet and, in moderation, tastes the way it’s supposed to.  Try replacing half of your processed/fast food intake for a week and see what happens.  I think you’ll thank me the week after.

9. Check Your Insurance

We insure ourselves against everything these days.  Part of this is common sense, part of it is peer pressure, and part of it is a reaction to all the fear we’re force-fed by society.  For instance, “they” say everyone needs life insurance in case one dies leaving behind obligations.  This might be true.  But, what if you have no obligations and no dependents?  Who benefits then from all those monthly premium payments?  And, in that case, should you die, why care about what happens to the world when you’re gone – you’re gone!  Also, if you have accumulated sufficient personal assets to cover any post-demise incidentals, what’s the point in giving some unregulated bank your money?  Check your situation and see if you really need that policy.  Or, any kind of policy.  See if you could save money by switching companies or cutting back on services you don’t need.  And, always remember – insurance companies are in business to take your money, period.  If a time comes when they have to pay out, they will avoid it at all costs.  Plan your coverage accordingly.

10. Hypnotize Yourself

providence_hypnosis_ri

(Crazy but true.  Google.)

This sounds a little wackier than my usual rambles but it’s possible, it works, and it will help you.  It relates to many of my previous points.  The problem is, I can’t exactly explain how to do it.  That’s up to you and your brain.  Really, it’s just psychological conditioning, I suppose.  I have mastered the ability to command or trick my brain into ceasing all worry, any negative thoughts, or any conscious processes I wish to halt for the time being.  This is great a bed time when the mind is still in high gear.  I order it to stop, it stops.  I then order my body to sleep, I sleep.  Perhaps someday I will master the science of relaying the process.  Until then, remember that if i can do it, so can you – without instructions.  Try one night when you can’t sleep and you’re out of NyQuil.

As always, pass these along if you care.  Try to come up with great suggestions of your own (in spite of seeming like a Cassandra).  Sleep long and prosper!

Perrin’s Exercise Routine One

30 Saturday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ Comments Off on Perrin’s Exercise Routine One

Tags

arms, bicepts, deltoids, forearms, neck, shoulders, tricepts, weights

Okay, this is the first of my series on how I exercise to perfect athletic perfection.  Yeah, that works.  This has nothing to do with nutrition and dieting, which is critical to my program.  I’ve covered those before and may come up with a comprehensive or condensed approach later.  This is about getting physical – where the muscle meets the dumbbells.  Here goes:

Nothing herein should be considered professional exercise advice.  Like my legal education columns, that’s what this is – my experiences in the gym based on what works for me.  If and when you get started, first seek out the professional advice of a physician and/or and trainer.  Having said that, I was once a certified personal trainer and I used to bodybuild, powerlift, run and do martial arts, so my knowledge is grounded in solid facts.  Also, consider that what works for me may not be perfect for you.  Modify all my plans according to your requirements.

Generally, I have four daily routines: 1) arms and shoulders; 2) back and chest; 3) legs; and 4) cardio and resting.  I vary these up as I feel necessary but I usually keep the rotation the same.  Herein, I will outline day one.

Day one, as all days is really divided into five parts.  First, there’s the weight session, which I’ll get to (day one wise) in a moment.  Second, I work my “core” every day.  Core means the muscles of the stomach, the obliques (sides), and the lower back.  I usually start with a crunch machine.  I do several sets of 20 to 30 repetitions at a modern weight.  Next I use a special machine which forces you to use your side in order to twist your lower body.  Again, I keep the weight relatively low and strive for higher numbers of twists.  This device makes my feel the best or tightest around the waist.  I’ve noticed significant firmness has developed both as I’ve burned off 50 pounds of fat while strengthened my core.  This has resulted in my dropping nine pants sizes.

After I twist, I do back extensions on a weight machine.  Again, it’s more reps and lower weights that provides the right stress for optimal results.  The worst thing one can do is overload a body part or group of muscles as this will result in imbalance or, worse, injury.  Keep it low, slow, and consistent.

I end the abs work with more crunches (straight and to the sides) on another machine which uses the body’s weight against itself, a similar approach to the lowe back, and crunches while hanging upside down (what a burn!). 

The third function is cardiovascular work.  For me this means anywhere from ten minutes to an hour on the track or an exercise machine.  My favorite is the elliptical machine as it’s easy on the joints and provides an added kick over mere walking or running.  Moving increases one’s heart rate.  There is a range of heartbeats per minute that ranges from resting (60-80 bpm) to fat burning (80-120 bpm) to aerobic (120-180 bpm) to heart attack (180+ bpm).  This range is based, of course, on my age and size. 

I start off by jacking up my heart rate to the safest maximum (sometimes right to the edge of comfort).  I do this my going as fast as I can against as much resistance as I can stand.  I work up from “level” 7 or 8 to level 20 and go as fast as possible.  This takes five to ten minutes, burns over 100 calories alone, and makes me sweat and pant profusely.  Then, I gradually law off the exertion and lower my bpm (heart beats per minute) back tot he fat burning range.  This I sustain for as long as I have time for.  At the end I cool off and slow down.  This is essential for lowering my heart rate to a level where I don’t get dizzy from hanging upside down.

Inverting is stage four, along with general stretching.  Both of these processes easy joint and muscle strain and give a meditation-like clarity of mind.  While hanging I contort into all sorts of positions so as to smooth out every strain and ache.  Just hanging there does wonders.  This sets the stage for part five:

This last phase is the spa treatment, including steaming and a relaxing shower.  After all of this I literally skip out feeling 20 years younger.

And, now, the weights:

Shoulders

I start with shoulders on most first days as it requires the use of the arms and other supporting parts.  I find it’s better to do this first (not always) before progressing to arms. 

The shoulders can be divided roughly into two main sections: the trapezius and subclavical muscles (those descending from the neck) and the deltoids (the muscles over the arms).  All of these are worked over while doing exercises for other body parts.

For the trapezius class I start most days with standing or seated shrugs.  This involves shrugging the shoulders upwards towards the ears as far as comfort and range of motion allows.  This can be accomplished either with free weights like dumbbells or the use of a machine which pivots.  As with core work, I do 3 or 4 sets of repetitions at a moderate weight.  For added work I progress the weights heavier with each progressive set. 

MachineHangjpg_00000008405

(Shoulder shrugs.  A little light for Perrin – ha!.  Google.)

Next I do some sort of movement that requires lifting a weight from the waist up to the chin area by bending the arms outwards.  This works all muscles in the front and back of the shoulders as well as the deltoids.

For deltoids and an overall push I do shoulder presses or “military” presses: lifting a weight overhead.  I also isolate the delts using free weights raised in various positions – front, sides, and rear – for overall effect.

880_4

(Side Deltoid Raises.  Google.)

Triceps

The triceps are the “u” shaped muscles (3-parts, thus “tri”) in the back of the upper arm.  These are generally worked by extending the arms downwards, upwards, or backwards while standing or on a bench and by pressing down on a fixed weight.  The same rules of sets, reps, and resistance applies here.

cable-triceps-extension-450x250

(Downward tricept extentions with cable weight.  Google.)

triceps-push-down

(Tricep presses or push down on machine.  Google Images.)

My arms are stronger than average.  Thus, when doing presses like the one pictured here I have run into the odd problem of being able to press or lift more than my bodyweight at the end of the cycle.  I can generally do this for 10 to 12 reps – once I contort and force the weight and my body down into a seated position.

Biceps

The biceps are the tow-part muscles on the front of the upper arm.  These are the “guns” that everyone flexes to show how strong they are.  Biceps are toned by curling a weight up from a straight armed position to a fully bent arm with the weight on the level of one’s eyes.

I mix up a combination of free weights (both single dumbbells and a single bar) and seated machines which use either one or both arms.

Bicep-Curl

(This dude is doing single arm curls with dumbbells.  Google.)

biceps-curl-machine

(Seated “preacher” curls (over a pulpit) on machine.  Google.)

I love the curls in the above picture.  Again, I can use more than my own weight here.  This one impresses the ladies and frightens off fellow males like no other.  Ha!!!

One note I need to interject at this point is how to lift any weight.  There are three parts to a lift: concentric, eccentric, and excentric movements.  This, in layman’s terms means: 1) slowing lifting the weight to begin with; 2) holding a flex at the “top” of the lift; and 3) slowly lower the weight and stretching the muscle(s) worked.  It is advisable breathe out while raising the weight and inhale while lifting.

Forearms

The forearms are often neglected by many people.  They do get flexed while doing a variety of upper-body routines but they benefit tremendously from isolated exercise.  Large, powerful forearms give a manly look to the body.  They can be worked with dumbbells during the curl routine.  This is accomplished by rolling the weight up or to either side while holding the arm down and straight.

There is also a machine which holds weight plates.  One sits behind the plates and squeezes a set of handles together with the hands.  This is similar to the old-fashioned spring grip gadget.  The maneuver is usually overhanded but sometimes I use a lighter weight with my palms facing up to burn each forearm individually.   However you do it, it’s important to work the entire arm all the way around.  Doing so will provide added stability for other exercises and strengthens the wrists and hands.  The next time some jerk tries to crush your hand in a handshake you can crush back with confidence.

After all these, I do the core and other ancillary work.  Sometimes I will add in an exercise for another part if I feel I didn’t hit it sufficiently the last time.  Again, there is no set formula, just a general routine which benefits from the occasional shakeup.

Alright, turn the computer off and hit the gym.  You’ll thank me later!

Evans Fitness Club

30 Saturday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Augusta, cardio, cheerleaders, EFC, Evans, fitness, girls, MMA, showers, spa, weights

Today I continue my series on good businesses by praising my gym of choice, the Evans Fitness Club (also known as Center or simply “EFC”).  EFC has served as a critical part of my recent life change program and this post will serve as a prelude to the forth-coming detailed analysis of said program.  I hope all of this is of use and motivation to you, my beloved readers.

efc_logo

One can find EFC at 3002 Allen Drive in the heart of Evans. Georgia; they are online at: http://www.evansfitnessclub.com/. Check them out either way; if you live in the area, you need to join.  They are by far the biggest and best fitness facility in the Augusta area.  In fact, I have seen few clubs anywhere that rival the opulence and excellent design of EFC.  There motto is “bringing big city fitness to your backyard.”  That is exactly what they have done.

The club is the brainchild of “Big” Mike Montarbo and Bill Smith.  Big Mike earned his stripes as a trainer and manager at other local clubs, winning everyone over with his knowledge and charm.  Bill is a legend in the fitness industry, having owned and operated clubs all over the U.S.  I met Bill in the 1980’s when he ran the super-successful BodyTalk club, then the most state of the art facility in the area.  He and I reminisced about the old place when I joined EFC.  Bill’s kids are now in management and continue their father’s tradition of excellence.

I had intended to interview one or both gentlemen before writing this piece and I may still.  I’d also like to have them as a sponsor here, they are most worthy.

First, I’d like to start with the beauty and design of the physical facility.  Here’s a picture of the outside (architectural rendering, I thought I saw a real photo but can’t find it):

efc_contact_image

The club is located in the new business park across the street from the new Columbia County Courthouse, Library, and County office complex.  The building is beautiful as well as functional.  It’s surrounded by parking spaces and a second parking lot next door is almost complete – I have never had any trouble finding a spot any time of day.

Inside, the place is a marvel of efficient layouts.  After signing in at the attractive front desk one enters the main training floor.  The center is devoted to an MMA-style “octagon” used constantly by Greubel’s Martial Arts for a variety of exercise and self-defense trainings.  The octagon is wrapped by three separate machine weight areas.  In the center there is an Astroturf running lane of NFL quality.  These areas are enclosed by a walkway/track.  The outside areas are devoted to a huge free weight area, a Smoothie King franchise (can’t beat it!), a medical weight loss office, a spinning studio, racquetball courts, locker rooms, and a massive child care room.

The kiddies can keep fit while mom and dad work out by playing basketball, climbing on numberous inflatable funhouses, and other activities.  They also provide TVs and reading/play areas.  The room is well staffed.

Speaking of TVS – they’re everywhere.  Everywhere.  Digital entertainment is constantly available for those who like it while not being a distraction for those of us who don’t really care.

I can only speak for the men’s locker room but I suspect the ladies have it as good if not better than the men.  Up front there is a relaxing lounge with sofas, tables, a scale, and a huge TV.  The lockers are interspersed around and between the sinks, grooming mirrors, a restroom stalls.  Everything is trimmed in the best materials for a country club like experience.  The back is home to the sauna, the steamroom, and the showers.

I have praised the sauna previously for its theraputic benefits.  The steam room offers similar benefits with a twist.  While the sauna is hotter (around 180 degrees F), the steam room (120ish F) feels warmer and induced instance sweating.  It’s the difference between dry and wet heat.  Both offer general seating and the steam room features a shower for quick clean-up.

The shower showers are a spectacle all to themselves.  To begin with, they’re huge.  An entire cheerleading squad could join a lucky fellow given the space which I estimate at 6X15 feet.  There are 5 water facets, a rain-like fixture overhead and four positionable jets on the sides.  Complimentary shampoo, conditioner, and liquid gel soap are provided as an extra perk. 

I end every workout I can with a 10-20 minute visit to either the sauna or steamroom followed by a loooong shower.  So far, I have not found the cheerleaders though.  Given that I do cardio after weights, I’m usually sweaty before I get to the heat boxes.  Thus, while I start with a normal temperature shower i have to drop the degrees steadily, ending with essentially a cold shower.  This is called a Scottish shower; it’s invigorating and cools the body for profession appearance post-exercise.

Almost every one of my sessions starts downstairs with the weights and machines.  I’ll soon post my recommended routines.  I then move upstairs for cardio and stretching before treating myself to the afore-mentioned spa treatment.

Upstairs, the club is open to the floor below.  The opening is enclosed by a walking/running track (1/12 of a mile around).  The track features a stretching and abdominal station at either end.  The sides of the second floor are packed with every kind of cardio device imaginable – stair climbers, rowing, bikes, treadmills, and my favorite – the elliptical machines.  One will also find more spinning, several large aerobics rooms, a movie theater with treadmills and bikes, and a huge room dedicated to strange-looking strength and agility exercises (they call it “proto-type” athletics?). 

After I pump iron I like to hit the cardio machines for ten to sixty minutes, which burns hundreds of calories.  I’ve really seen a difference since adding cardio to the program.  Fat just dissolves away.  Before I leave the “floor” I stretch and hang upside down on my favorite invention in history: the inversion table.  It’s nothing for me to hang for 5 to 10 minutes in blissful relaxation.  It cures everything!  Then I head to the locker/spa.  For an added treat I will sometimes enjoy a smoothie on my way out – I go for the strawberry Gladiator – packed with protein and as delicious as they come.

All along the way I get to enjoy the company of friends, old and new.  I have several men I work out with occasionally and there is always someone to chew the fat with.  The place is also overrun with …er… eye candy…  Exercising is always better in a pleasant facility surrounded by good scenery.  Big Mike and Bill have also assembled an excellent staff of trainers and other professionals who can help with anything one needs.

If the club has a drawback, it would be the house music selection – modern pop.  It’s just not my cup of tea.  However, as with the TVS, it’s easy to tune out.  I will someday add an Ipod or something similar to my arsenal.  Now, I could use my wife’s but it is pink – can’t do it.

Well, I’ve recounted all the benefits of my plan in action over and over.  I would like to add warning or another point of detraction to fitness.  As I have transformed from a fat blob to a near bodybuilder type, I’ve noticed that much of that … eye candy is frequently looking at me now.  Sometimes I endure uncomfortable comments and the occasional unwanted contact.  I’ve become eye candy…  I suppose it’s too much for the poor girls to resist.  Poor me.  Just be aware that this can and will happen to you when you get on the bandwagon. 

girls

(Always leering at big daddy. Google.)

There you have it.  Join the EFC machine!  If you’re outside my area, find a similar club and get fit now!

Ten More Things You Can Do Today

29 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

blogging, books, cigars, Congress, encourage, God, hiking, James Altucherthanks, letters, Marcus Aurelius, news, people, positive, power, relax, slow, stress, Thessalonians, Thomas Jefferson

Building on my last happy advice column, I’d like to offer another ten easy things you can do today to make your life a little happier.

1. Smoke a Cigar.

This probably is more appealing to the male audience though quiet a few women enjoy the leaf as well.  Use my recent Cigar Guide as a starting point and see if you like the hobby.  You only need one, it won’t cost that much and it will only take an hour or so to enjoy.  I’ve researched the health risks associated with occasional cigar smoking – it’s negligent.  In fact, I think the relaxation benefits far outweigh the .002% increase in the risk of problems.

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2. Lose the News.

The commercial news in America is boring at best, toxic at worst.  You will not miss anything important if you take a break for a day or so.  Murders, wars, theft, depression, scandal, etc. will go on in your absence – only you won’t be dragged down by it.  Consider ignorance bliss and disconnect.  This advice, of course, does not extent to your favorite blog.

3. Slow Down Some More.

Last time I recommended slowing your pace in life in order to de-stress and feel better.  Do it some more.  Remember, even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat.  Who likes rats?  Check the emails tomorrow.  There’s enough food at the house, lay off the super-market today.  Let the little old lady merge into your lane.  Be happy.  Be free.

tortoise

(This guy won the race.  Google.)

4. Let Someone Tell You, “You Can’t” and Prove Them Wrong.

So many people are afraid of things – everything.  If they can’t conceive of a way to do some particular thing, they assume nobody can do it.  In psychology this is called transference or projection or something.  They’ll say you can’t lose the weight.  They’ll say your business won’t make it.  They’ll say such a hot blonde will never go out with you.  Don’t listen.  If you really want to do something and it’s meant to be, you can’t fail – unless you fail to try.  A young man at Yale was told his presented idea in an economics class would never be feasible; years later, the man put his plan into action and founded Federal Express.  When you succeed, take comfort in your accomplishment.  Remember to be gracious to your detractors, maybe you will inspire them to rise above their own roadblocks.

5. Encourage Someone.

The pre-emptive strike against worldly negativity is to place faith in someone else’s ideas.  When someone runs by a plan for something new by you, tell them what you think, but make sure you end it positively.  A little encouragement goes a long way and may be just the boost a person needs to get over their fears and societal conditioning of failure and make “it” happen.  Praise is contagious too.  Start a fire!

6. Write a Letter to the Editor.

I used to do this with very limited success.  Now, I’m the editor and everything I write gets published – and read.  Pick a topic you’re passionate about and tell the world your opinions.  Everyone is an expert at something, share your insights.  Like encouragement, it might spark somebody to positive action.  A common tactic is to write an “open” letter to a CongressCritter or some other prominent person or organization and forward a copy to the local fish-wrapper.  Knowing your views will be viewed by a wide audience may give a politician or other figure more reason to act than your letter alone would.  Try it and see.

7. Question Authority.

People in power frequently use their power to limit the powerless.  Challenge them.  Thomas Jefferson once said, “I have sworn upon the altar of god eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.”  One can’t have a better role model than old T.J.  When the cop asks you if you knew how fast you were going, don’t answer; this denies them your assistance in your prosecution and takes a little of the bully out of them.  If a teacher tells you heat rises, ask why, then, does the TOP of the pond freeze.  Make her explain thermodynamics in full.  Be polite and don’t do anything so outrageous as to risk arrest.  By speaking truth to power or denying the power altogether, you can preserve liberty and concurrently increase understanding – both admirable ends.  This, again, does not apply to your favorite blog (wink, wink).

8. Take a Hike!

Last time I relayed the benefits of a simple walk around the block.  Hiking through God’s country increases the benefits, both in terms of exercise exertion and scenery.  Hikes need not be limited to the woods or the mountains.  Stalk away through the dunes or a country road.  Explore your local park or the land along the river-side levee.  Make sure you have good shoes for this one.  I once reached in the closet, without looking, for boots to take to the Smokey Mountains.  A mile or so in I realized duck-hunting boots were not made for trudging up-hill… 

9. Write a Book.

I recommended reading a book.  That’s always good advice.  Take it to the next level and make your own literary contribution to the world.  If it’s not a full-length book, then write a pamphlet or start a blog!  By the way, books are easier than ever to publish these days.  Check out www.createspace.com, there’s a link here on the left.  This service will not only turn your ideas into print but will make them commercially available to the masses – all for free.  Your book can be about anything.  There are no rules and no constraints anymore.  Read James Altucher’s excellent column on the subject – http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/05/why-and-how-i-self-published-a-book/.  This was my inspiration to start blogging and ram through my first book (soon, I promise…).

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(Create!  Google.)

10. Give Thanks for Something.

Anything.  Good or bad.  “In everything give thanks.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18.  God does everything for a reason.  Thank Him.  Too smart for God, then thank Mother Earth, or Father Time, the Tooth Fairy or whoever.  Believe in something bigger than you.  As for the good and the bad, even non-Christian philosophers speak of accepting both with the same stoic resolve.  See Marcus Aurelius on that point.  Spread the word.  Accept, give thanks, take action, be happy.

BONUS! 11. Forward this advice to people you know.  Come up with some more things people can do!

Questions and Comments 3/29/2013

29 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

1911, ADA, Alabama, America, American Rifleman, Assad, Augusta, bankers, Barak Obama, basketball, Ben Bernanke, Bieber, Bin Laden, Bush, Christians, CIA, Clinto, Congress, crime, Cyprus, D.C., Dianne Feinstein, disability, Disney, drugs, EBT, fat, Federal Reserve, Fire Hat, gays, global warming, God, hell, Hussein, Janet Napolitano, Jim Carrey, Kate Upton, Lindsey Vonn, Lohan, marriage, Masters, McCain, Mexico, Michael Bloomberg, Michael Moore, Monsanto, New World Order, obsesity, Oscar the Grouch, Piers Morgan, politicians, Powell, raoches, rats, Rothschilds, Schumer, Sesame Street, Sheen, snakes, SSI, Steve Martin, taxes, theft, Thomas Jefferson, War, Youtube

You have answers, I have questions.  You have questions, I have comments.  In the tradition of Fire Hat…

I want to give my white man’s perspective on basketball: “Who cares?”

Kim Jong Unbalenced has kindly offered to bomb D.C.  We should get him a fruit basket or something.

The more television channels, the less shows worth watching.

If not for politicians and banksters, who would rats and roaches look down upon?

Since they can drive and talk on the phone at the same time, why can’t people drive and use turn signals concurrently?

Aside from the Brady Center and mental inpatients, does Piers Morgan have an audience?

Imperial and Georgian forces have raided the property of the FPSRussia guy – don’t post yourself with guns on Youtube.

When are the next parliamentary elections in Cyprus?

Why are banks still standing in Cyprus?

Considering that almost every town has a thief and maybe a murderer, why do we still need governments?

Given that almost every town has that thief, why do we still need banks?

Any bets on when Justin Bieber goes John Belushi on us?

Why can’t Augusta have the Masters Tournament 51 weeks out of the year?  Seems to work for baseball, basketball, and Nascar.

Why are gay people upset about laws banning them from committing marriage?

Women take bicycles fishing? Huh?

If a law falls in the forest and there’s no judge around to opine, can law professors still think?

How come a grocery store in a neighborhood where everyone has EBT cards can’t make it financially?

Why do those EBT cardees need food handouts?

When the above-grocery store in Augusta, GA went out of business, the Sheriff refused to give the excess food to the gathered crowd of hundreds.  He said they were too fat as is.  The new Sheriff is an observant man.

Scientists predict 104% of the American population will be morbidly obese by 2022.

Why do “Christians” lust for war, real or imaginary?

Lindsay Lohan is starring in Charlie Sheen’s TV show; local liquor stores report record sales.

How does unemployment rise in an economic recovery?

If he government wants to ban guns, why don’t they ditch theirs and lead by example?

By around 2020 the ADA will have to be revised to mandate each parking lot set aside one or spaces in the rear for “normals.”

Ben Bernanke has secured a patent on a warp-drive powered printing press; rejoice!

If alive today Thomas Jefferson would hang his head, sail back to England, and beg the Queen for clemency.

Officials in Anniston, Alabama announced yesterday that the last factory in America closed.

I applaud Barack Obama’s vacation schedule; he works hard and needs a tan.

If Lindsey Graham joined the Communist Party, would anyone notice?

Are there any brown people left on earth the U.S. has not bombed lately?

Is not being disabled a disability these days?

After more than forty seasons, Sesame Street is set to replace Oscar the Grouch with Michael Bloomberg after the good mayor retires.

Steve Martin has agreed to reprise the role of The Jerk next year in a tribute to Bloomberg.

How does one go about getting the job of body painting Kate Upton?

In an effort to allow banks to raid more of your cash, Congress has introduced legislation to place mattresses and mason jars under Federal Reserve control.

Is there any truth to the rumor Dianne Feinstein will play the Wicked Which of the West’s ugly, controlling grandmother?

Why do we have Cuban baseball players but not cigars?

Next year when everyone in America becomes unemployed or disabled, who will pay the taxes?

Several illegal immigrants went home disgusted with America this week, after climbing over the fence only to discover the hideous presence of Chuck Schumer and John McCain.  What has the world come to?

Angry armed citizens arrested the corrupt local police in a Mexican town this week; Americans are weak, fat, and stupid.

If Patrick Henry were alive today, he would kick McCain and Schumer in their heads before jumping the fence to Mexico.

Now we know why Lindsey Vonn winces when the idiots scream, “Get in the hole!”

If the 1911 had never been invented, what would American Rifleman report on?

Pharmaceutical companies make money drugging our children; school shootings are their advertisements.

Reading, Riting, and Ritalin, why can’t Johnny aim without the jitters?

All roaches, flies, and spiders have departed the Capital in protest over adverse working conditions.

If global warming is measured by pollen, we’re screwed.

Monsanto owns your CongressCritter, b***hes!

Poor Janet Napolitano has never been on a date.

God called and stated he would rescind his promise against future floods if another Bush runs for President.

Clinton made Bush look good; Bush made Clinton look good; Obama made Bush look good.  Another Bush followed by another Clinton followed by a catastrophic asteroid collision will made Washington look good.

Does Bashar al-Assad shop at Saddam Hussein’s old yellow cake retailer?  Mr. Powell?

Marine biologists have discovered bankers are all descended from a common sea slug, the Thievish Filtha-sluggis.

Jesse Jackson is upset, again.

The Capital One Vikings have all filed successfully for SSI.

Jim Carrey needs an enema.

Michael Moore was ticketed from breaking a truck-stop scale during his last weigh-in.

Does Osama Bin Laden’s family receive his CIA retirement?

Which childhood classic will Disney destroy next?

Pope Francis will be in Washington next week to wash the feet of more felons.

All six adult American men who don’t play video games met for the first time at a Knoxville Waffle House last week; we had a good time.

Following their recent success in finding the “God particle,” physicists are proud to announce they have discovered the “Satan particle;” it will be formally known as the “Bush,” “Clinton,” or “Feinstein” particle once the dust settles.

The Rothschilds endorsed the American slob as the State Bird of the New World Order.

What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead politician in the road?  The politician still wants your money.

The correct greeting for a bankster or politician is, “Go BACK to hell!”

Hades’s Deposition

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Legal/Political Columns, Other Columns

≈ Comments Off on Hades’s Deposition

Tags

Atlanta, attorneys, civil litigation, clients, deposition, discovery, experts, green space chickens, scotch

A long time ago I participated in a complex civil litigation case which involved a construction project gone wrong.  The details do not really matter.  I represented the plaintiff in the matter.  The case was difficult enough but my client’s expert’s deposition added a new level of complexity I had not contemplated.

Depositions are factual statements taken under oath as part of the discovery/information process.  It’s a preview of the other side’s cross-examination of a witness at trial.  There are several reasons to depose a witness: first, it provides a oppourtunity to confirm what you know about a case; second, it gives you an idea of what the other side knows and if there any problems on the horizon; third, it sometimes provides a chance to settle a case without further expense.  The other side in this case had to depose our expert in order to assess where we all stood, pre-trial.

This particular case was very fact intensive with reports, statements, and other information in great quantity.  We had to associate an expert to evaluate all of the facts and condense them into a citable report.  The expert hired was a tier one professional who did not come cheap.  He spent days reviewing material and preparing his summary.  He also generated many questions, all important to our legal position.  These questions necessitated the client’s active participation in their answering.  For several months the expert requested this participation and was largely rebuffed.  The client was not unwilling to help rather, he always seemed to drift to other subjects and find excuses for delaying his responses.  We scheduled several (expensive) all day meetings intended to get the client on the same page with the expert.  The meetings never answered some questions.

Thus, the expert was left to guess at some factors and to do his best to assess the facts on his own.  He did a great job overall.  His report served as an excellent basis to proceed in the case.  At his deposition, he defended his positions with great skill, confident his findings supported the plaintiff’s position.

My role was to “defend” the expert during the deposition.  The other side was represented by two attorneys who both took active roles in the examination.  These gentlemen were extremely professional and the expert was not at his first rodeo.  Thus, my job should have been fairly simple.  In such sessions the defending attorney usually requests question clarification when necessary and objects for the record if some questions over-reach the allowable scope of discovery.  The questions may still be asked and answered, the objections take effect if called for later at trial.

Out of professional courtesy, everyone agreed to depose the expert at his metro-Atlanta office, several hours away from mine.  I arrived extra early to confer with the man and plan for any expected troubles.  We had a good meeting and agreed things looked pretty good.  The client was supposed to meet with us in a last-ditch effort to reveal misplaced information.  He showed up with little time to spare, along with the other attorneys and the court reporter.

The opposing side had read and were familiar with our expert’s preliminary report.  Their questions were efficient and run of the mill.  However, my client began at once to exhibit overly odd behavior.  He was restless, talked to himself, talked to me (interrupting my train of thought), and interfered with the questioning to the point that I politely requested a break to speak with him in private.  He then agreed to calm down.

It did not last.  After interrupting several more times, the questioning attorney directed his attention to my client’s disruption.  I once again took him aside for a talk.  It did not take this time.  The client seemed concerned that the expert was not answering certain questions sufficiently as those questions required the information the client was supposed to deliver to the expert but never did.  He was suddenly concerned that the expert did not have all facts.  I reassured him things were going well and asked if he had the additional information, even at the late hour.  He did not.  I cautioned him not to interrupt again and back we went.

Then, during the ordinary course of the questioning, the client went berserk.  He began to only talk (about the questions and other things).  He snatched my note pad and began writing me cryptic notes I did not understand.  I ignored him at this point.  Then he began to pace around the room like a tiger in a cage.  He stopped and talked behind the expert.  He looked over the other attorneys while they spoke.  He talked to the court reported.  I felt a little sick. 

At some point one of the opposing lawyers requested a break so I could attempt to regain control of my client.  I should have told him to leave or threatened to quite myself.  Instead, I pleaded with him to keep from getting himself held in contempt or somethingfor interference. 

We resumed after lunch and went on for the rest of the afternoon.  My client at least remained seated for the most part but he was of no help to me whatsoever.  Usually, a lawyer will ask a present client some questions in order to assist his understanding of the present matter.  I knew it was a lost cause.  I did request that we have a meeting immediately after the session, a get with Jesus prayer meeting, if you will.  He agreed.

However, after the deposition ended the client disappeared.  This did give me a few minutes to apologize to the other side and the reporter.  I assumed man-tiger had gone to his car for something.  I ended up in the expert’s executive office talking about the merits of the matter and the oddity of the day’s event.  Neither of us had ever seen anything like it.  After about an hour we realized our client had not joined us.  I got up and looked for him but found no sign of him in or outside of the office.  Honestly, I was a little relieved.  However, back in the expert’s office a few minutes later the client called.  He reported he was almost back to my office and that he knew where the missing facts were located.  I guessed that he did not, in fact, know anything about the facts and that he must be driving over 100 miles per hour.

My partner later reported to me that the client did stop by a little more than one hour after the deposition was finished.  He rushed in yelling and frightened several other clients.  He ransacked his own files and left muttering to himself.  No facts ever came forth.

Around this time the sun was setting and the expert and I were tired, numbed, and hungry.  We decided to get dinner and drinks.  I called a friend in the area and we all met at a local pub.  There I attempted triage of my mind via single-malt scotch.  It worked and after sobering up I made the long drive home.  By the time I was in the car my brain was dead and I probably would not have passed a road-side sobriety test even if I had not consumed anything.  I didn’t care at the time and, fortunately, there was no incident on the highway.  I stopped in the office after midnight and wrote myself a memo detailing the unusual circumstances of the day.

I learned several things from this affair.  Most importantly, I learned to identify disturbed clients before agreeing to represent them.  I also concluded that all clients needed extensive preparation before depositions with adequate warnings about proper conduct.  In cases like this one I decided the absence of the client would be in the client’s best interests.  I also reflected on the fact that people are not perfect and that patience is a virtue. 

In the end, thanks to the expert’s hard work, the deposition was a success for us.  I also came away a better attorney.  Subsequent depositions, no matter how arduous, didn’t seem that bad by comparison.  I hope you learned a little something from this story.  Maybe not.  Maybe I just needed to vent.  Anyway, always follow paid professional advice, keep quiet when necessary, and keep your speed reasonable.  My head hurts now…

Proper Cigar Etiquette

22 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

cigars, cutting, enjoy, George Burns, humidor, lighting, Mark Twain, men, prep, regulars, Rudyard kipling, smoke, sticks, Tops Shelf Cigars, Winston Churchill

Smoking a good cigar can be one of life’s great joys.  It can also be a little intimidating for a beginner.  When I started out I had to endure several long months of trial and painful error.  I hope you can avoid that. 

**NOTES: This article is a little long.  Therefore, I’ve divided it into sections with bold caption headings.  If you have a question about a particular subject, just scroll down until you see it.  Of course, I think the story is worth reading in its entirety.

Also, this is a guide to proper cigar smoking, not a guide to cigars (I do briefly touch on some common elements though).  My aim here is to educate readers about the how-to’s of the cigar world.  I leave picking a stick to you, your imagination, and your local tobacconist.**

0208131211

And now, here’s some cigar advice:

Finding a Cigar Shop

First, you need to find a good cigar shop.  For an idea of what a great shop is, re-read my column in praise of my local tobacconist: Top Shelf Cigars, https://perrinlovett.wordpress.com/2013/03/03/top-shelf-cigars/.  Try to emulate that, if you can. 

0908121426

(Where the smoke “just pours out!”)

Gas stations, drugstores, and super-markets sell cigars (some of them have a decent selection too).  However, to get the most out of the experience one must venture into an establishment dedicated to the sale of tobacco – fine tobacco, not a cigarette outlet.  There are also cigar outlets – avoid them if possible.  You want a decent place with several hundred “facings” (types of cigars to choose from) and a comfortable lounge for smoking in (preferably complete with several happy regular customers).

In addition to places that sell food, medicine, and Marlboros, here are some other things to avoid.  If you enter a shop, ask for help, and they tell you a membership or fee is required to smoke therein – leave.  If the place is full of stoned-looking reprobates – leave.  They are stoned and not from good tobacco.  If a U.S. retailer hawks “Cuban” cigars at their shop – don’t even bother.  They’re either lying or breaking the law.  If you walk in and see a bunch of odd-shaped glass pipes – leave, it’s a head shop.  I hate to list this one for fear of..oh heck… if the shop is populated by children, women, and/or teenagers, then it’s not going to be a good time.  By and large, cigars are for men.  There, I said it.

Picking the Perfect Cigar (For You)

Once you find a good shop, you need to pick out a good cigar.  Any place worth its smoke will have a knowledgeable staff who can assist you with your purchase.  Beginners traditionally stick with lighter, milder sticks to start with.  Something strong enough for a veteran may send a newbie to the bathroom for a prayer at the porcelain altar.  Beware.  Also, it helps to eat something first.  Go try the new hobby on a Saturday after lunch or dinner.  Be prepared to devote at least an hour to the smoking alone.  Picking the right stick can take a while in addition – set aside two hours to do it right.  Smoking with a friend helps too though you’re likely to make friends out of the regulars.  I’ve never had any trouble striking up or joining a conversation at any shop I’ve visited.  Cigar enthusiasts are nice people. 

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(A well-stocked humidor.)

By the way, good cigars are no necessarily cheap, though not outrageously priced.  Be prepared to spend at least $5-10 for a decent stick these days; boxes of 20-25 run over $100 – don’t buy boxes until you really know what you want.  Good shops keep their cigars in a walk-in (or large cabinet) humidor.  This is to control the temperature and humidity of the sticks.  The general rule is 70/70 or seventy degrees farenheit and seventy percent relative humidity.  Slight variations are acceptable.  You will get used to the feel of a humidor.  I can walk in and tell if everything is kosher.  For the novice, look around and you will find a set of gauges somewhere.  Make sure their readings are close to 70/70.  If the sticks are too cold or dry they will crack and ruin the experience.  If they get to warm or wet bad things can happen – remember the movie Gremlins?  If their humidor is off and the staff doesn’t pre-emptively apologize and explain it’s a freak problem, you should probably move on.  Also, if you inspect a stick and see little things moving on it that look like bugs, they are.  Cigar beatles to be exact.  Time to leave.

Speaking of appearances, you will notice immediately a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and titles.  The color, texture, and dry versus oily appearance have to do with the type of tobacco and the way it is presented or manufactured.  Most of these babies are hand-crafted by skilled personnel in the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, Honduras, or elsewhere.  Some cigars are square due to being “box pressed” or formed inside a squared off mold.  I don’t like those as a rule, you might love them.

Cigars are generally three parts: the “filler” is the core tobacco inside; the “binder” encases the filler; the “wrapper” is the pretty piece of tobacco on the outside.  Look for a wrapper without too many visible veins (it’s a leaf after all), cracks, or other imperfections.  Look for smoothness and consistency.

The shade of the tobacco is usually somewhat indicative of its “strength” or the intensity of the taste.  Darker generally means full-bodied and stronger, though not always.  I recommend a lighter (natural or Connecticut) wrapper cigar for starters in a medium size.  Cigars are measured length by ring gauge (width).  Ring gauge is a function of 64ths of an inch.  Thus, a 6×60 cigar is six inches long with a diameter a little less than an inch.  That’s a big cigar (I’m finishing off a GIANT 7×70 right now), go for something a bit smaller.  I’ll leave size descriptions and names to the local tobacconist along with explanations of the tobacco in the stick and where it’s from. 

When judging a cigar in the humidor, very gently squeeze it between your thumb and forefinger.  If it’s rock hard you will have a hard time puffing and keeping it lit.  Too soft and it may burn too fast.  Uneven feel may mean an uneven burn and necessitate regular touch-ups with fire.  Sometimes these issues can’t be avoided, even the best sticks may have a bad lot.  If you have horrible problems (splitting, grossly uneven burn, or an inability to draw smoke from fire to mouth, see the owner/staff.  A good shop will replace a problem stick.  If they give you a hard time, it may be time to leave. 

A final word about stick picking: find what you like.  This will mean some experimentation.  Start with general recommendations but gauge all cigars by how happy they make you.  There are several major publications which rate and review cigars.  These can be good sources of information.  Just remember, they usually require advertising or fees for their reviews.  And, they come up with some of the most convoluted taste formulas imaginable.  I really never pick up on notes of pencil lead, moss, cinnamon, or garlic or whatever.  I smoke for the taste of tobacco; I like what I like.  Follow that rule.

A final, final word about taste: some cigars are flavored – naturally and artificially.  Seasoned pros tend to shy away from these.  You should too in the beginning.  If you discover you love them, stick with them, and be prepared for some teasing…

Prepping the Cigar

Okay, you’ve found a comfy, friendly location and the perfect starter stick.  You’re almost ready to start enjoying, but not just yet.  First, you must perform a little preparation.  Almost all individual cigars come wrapped in cellophane.  Some come in glass or metal tubes, some come in paper boxes and some in fancy little wooden boxes.  Obviously, a cigar must be extricated from its tube or box prior to lighting.  So to, must a stick be freed from its cellophane.  I’ve seen too many people cut the cigar while it’s still wrapped.  Don’t do that, it’s just tacky.  The plastic comes off easily, usually in one fluid movement although some are closed off by a little paper sticker.  Just tear the sticker and open her up.

Unlike a fine wine, a fine cigar does not need to breathe before being enjoyed.  It does require proper cutting and lighting though.  Professionals have their own ways of accomplishing these important prerequisites as unique as they are.  Many of the old hands who actually make the sticks are known to simply bite the cap (the rounded end of the wrapper) off and light with a regular old Bic lighter.  That works fine and I’ve none it myself but I’m here about etiquette today, I’ll act like it. 

Cigar cutters are specialized tools designed to leave a clean-cut.  Punches are just that, they punch little holes in the cap for smoke to exit through.  They don’t work well on tapered or pyramid type cigars.  I don’t use them – personal habits.  V-cutters make a …. yep, “v” shaped grove in the cap.  I don’t really care for those either.  I like a full opening at the end for full smoke and taste delivery.  I use a guillotine cutter.  This device has two semi-circular bladed that converge together to shear off the end of the cap.  Some have only one blade, two generally work better.  Some are scissor-like, others are pressed together in a straight line without a hinged angle, others are actually little versions of that dreaded device from the French Revolution – for cigars, not nobility.  Watch your fingers, please.  On a regular, rounded cap, just cut off about 1/8th of an inch; for tapered designs, try half an inch or so.

Cigars can be lit by just about any source of sufficient heat.  Matches, Bics, Zippos, butane torches, camp fires, and stove elements all do the job.  Most reputable shops will have a selection of modern lighters in their lounge area.  Some purists shun gas-powered lighters period, claiming they impart a petroleum taste.  I don’t recall ever being bothered by this, you likely won’t either; I had to mention it though.  The prim and proper way to light is to use any source to first ignite a slender strip of cedar (on hand in good shops), the cedar then lights the cigar – and makes an ashy mess.  They really classic way to light was taught yours truly by an old Cuban doctor for whom I had the gravest respect, it is as follows:  lightly toast the foot of the cigar (open end, opposite the cap) BEFORE clipping the cap.  Just char it slightly.  Then cut the cap.  Then light with cedar.  This supposedly preps the cigar for optimum smoke-ability and flavor. 

Lighting the Cigar

However you get there and whatever you use, eventually the fire will meet the leaf.  “Toasting” is always a good first step to heat up the 70 degree end.  Keep it light, watch carefully so that you don’t start a fire up part of the wrapper and binder.  Concentrate all firepower on the foot!  Speaking of, lighters these days can come with two, three, even four or five flame jets.  These will light a stick instantaneously or cut steel.  Beginners would do well to stick with one jet or flame for precision. 

Once your cigar is adequately toasted – judged by eye, then it’s time to fire it up!  Put the cool end in your mouth (don’t bite down – loose and gentle) and take a few slow, long draws while firing the other end at the same time.  Rotate the cigar with your fingers while lighting in order to assure an even light.  It’s quite normal for open flames to come from the end, they die out almost at once.  After several turns and good puffs, take a look at the burning end.  It should be red evenly across the entire foot.  Touch up as needed.  Be mindful to only return the cool cap end to your mouth.  I’ve done it the other way and it’s not pleasant!

Smoking

Now that the little beauty is lit, you can sit back and enjoy.  Take it slow and easy.  I am frequently accused of huffing and puffing my sticks like the Big Bad Wolf.  A quality cigar will continue to smolder for about five minutes after you draw on it.  If it goes out, you are going too slow.  Re-lighting can tarnish the taste with a bitter or stale flavor for a second.  It’s not horrible but should be avoided.  Take regular draws. 

Larger sticks may require a double puff to fully extract the right amount of smoke.  That smoke should be contained in the mouth.  Let it circle around as you would a good wine or whiskey.  As it passes over the different areas of your tongue you will taste the various elements of the tobacco.  This is a genuinely delightful process.  Enjoy it as you would a good massage or a great steak or other delight.  The tastes may change as the cigar burns or they make remain even throughout.  Blow out once the taste subsides.  You can keep the stick in mouth or hold it and look at it in wonder. 

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(Don’t he look happy?)

Cigars are not cigarettes.  Do not attempt to inhale the smoke as it is a little stronger than what you’re used to and can sear the lungs most unpleasantly.  Cigars are meant to be enjoyed for their flavor.  Absorb it.  You will also absorb nicotine; if you find yourself dizzy, back off a little.  A little buzz is fun, getting sick is not.  Also, a little ash is great to look at, a large ash is looking for somewhere to fall.  Dump the old ash at intervals to keep it from falling on your lap; try it every inch or so.

Ashes to Ashes

When, sadly, the cigar is done, one must part with it.  Some will smoke right down to a nub, until their fingers are singed.  I recommend stopping when there’s about an inch to an inch and one-half left, about where the “band” is or was.  The band is the cigar’s label, usually very intricate and decorative.  You may leave a band on while smoking, remove it before lighting, or take it off once the stick is going.  Bands that sit too high need to be either removed or pushed down a bit.  You want your lips on the leaf only.  If you move or peel off the band, do so with care.  The band is a paper ring, closed on itself with a little dab of glue. 

Sometimes the band is really tight, sometimes a little glue gets on the leaf and secures the label in place.  The glue is a natural non-toxic plant material and won’t hurt you or the cigar.  However, if ripped off forcefully, it can take part of the wrapper with it.  Finesse is the key here.  If it doesn’t budge with ease, leave it in place.  As the fire approaches it will loosen up and then is easy to remove.  Do not smoke the band!  Not unless you like the added taste of burned paper!

When the cigar is done, just lay it in an ashtray.  Don’t try to crush it out as this can cause flare-ups and an abundance of smoke which soon grows stale and stagnant.  An active cigar produces wonderful smelling smoke.  You may find yourself enjoying it second-hand.  Stale smoke is, well, stale.

Meet the Regulars!

While you smoke, feel free to interact with those around you.  Cigar shops are always the home of interesting men of many different walks of life.  Join a conversation!  If you’re new, they will likely want to know all about you.  Have fun and make friends!

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 (Join the fun!)

The shop is an ideal place to get away and enjoy your free time.  Not free?  Bring a little work with you.  In addition to smoking and talking, men find the lounge a great place to check emails, read, or write.  I’ve crafted some of my best blog columns at Top Shelf Cigars.  I’ve even met clients there.  Keep the phone conversations to a minimum.  If you must field a call it’s best to do it outside the lounge.  While friendly, regulars are not nosey and don’t care to hear you talk to the wife or the boss.  It’s a shame I have to mention this, but mind your manners in shop.  Rude or obnoxious behavior will not only make you a pariah, it can get you ejected as well.  Remember, it’s a happy place for respectful adults.  No-one likes a jerk or a know-it-all.  I’ve seen idiots bounced out.  Don’t be “that guy.”  Once you’re “initiated” into the regulars you will find out the personality of the place – usually collegiate with lots of good-natured humor.  Thin skin usually isn’t well suited for lounging!

Cigars at Home

You can, of course, enjoy your smoke in the comfort of your home.  Usually, with a wife and kids, that means out back, on the porch, or in the garage.  I’m in the garage right now.  Take the opportunity to create your own little cigar lounge!  A chair, an ashtray, a cutter and lighter is all you need.  Add a little fire pit or a radio and you’re in cigar heaven.

Smoke on the Road

The car can be a great place to smoke, particularly on longer trips.  Keep a window cracked or down to avoid a buildup of stale smoke and to maintain road visibility.  You may need to freshen the interior up from time to time as well.  Be mindful that when you smoke the smoke gets in your clothes and can stay there.  The people in your upcoming meeting may not appreciate it.  The taste of smoke will also linger in your mouth and on your breath.  You will get used to it but brushing or a little gum or mints will go a long way towards societal interaction post smoke.  Bear in mind that in the tight confines of an auto, falling ashes will make a greater mess, and one harder to clean up.  Falling embers (happens with the best sticks) can mean a hole burned in your pants or shirt.  Take precautions as needed.

Public Relations

Cigars can be fun just about anywhere.  They make yard work less tedious.  They go naturally with a fishing trip.  They can help one relax at the beach or in the mountains.  I love strolling along behind my family on vacations, puffing away carefree.  If I do have a care, it’s not to offend the non-cigar public.  Oddly, not everyone likes cigar smoke.  Be mindful of others and try as best you can to shield them from what they might find offensive.  Don’t go out of your way but exercise a little curtsey.  All cigar lovers benefit from good public relations.

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(Cigar in the park on a cool fall day.  Ahhhh.)

Cigars on the Rocks (Drinks and Smokes)

In the comfort of your home man cave or the comfort of your home away from home, you may decide to pair a cigar with a suitable adult beverage.  You want something that accentuates the taste of the stick, without drowning it out.  Different cigars go well with different drinks – from Sprite to red wine.  Usually I partake of either a dark ale or a short bit of single-malt Scotch whiskey.  There’s no set formula.  Again, you have to find what works best for you.  As I’m typing here in the garage, I’m still smoking that beast of a 7×70.  It’s a slightly stronger than average stick so I have paired it with The Duck-Rabbit’s Wee Heavy Scotch Style Ale – dark and strong (8% abv).  Don’t let the drink overwhelm the smoke.  A sip here and there between puffs adds a lot of enjoyment.  Slamming glass after glass of 80-proof bourbon just gets you drunk – unless that’s your plan!  I judge not, just offering my advice here.

Smoke Time!

Finally, I’d like to touch on when to smoke.  The best answer is: whenever you feel like it and have the time.  A Saturday morning cigar with coffee and the paper makes for a great time.  After a long hard week, a friday night smoke is most relaxing.  I know men who literally smoke from sunrise til sunset.  Do what works best for you.

Conclusion

In doing your best with cigars you will join some of the greatest men in history.  Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, and George Burns were avid cigar enthusiasts.  Join them and your contemporaries in a great past time.  Remember always your Kipling: “A good cigar is a smoke.”

WA3574012

(Don’t mess with Winston.  Google.)

Gaining Ground, Moving Forward

20 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in News and Notes, Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Amazon, ASU, blog, books, Createspace, education, free courses, Kindle, MIT, Natural Law, news, Perrin Lovett, Second Amendment

This blog has nearly taken on a life of its own; it has become a ride on which I am not only the driver (author) but I am also a passenger.  In my role as passenger I am delighted every day to see the new places I am taken.  Of course, as the driver, I have a huge degree of input as to where I go.  It’s kind of a circle … kind of … I guess.  I hope you are enjoying the ride too.

Yesterday, I supposed I would expand on my writings concerning the Second Amendment and related topics.  The idea was born during the wonderful Forum on the Second Amendment I participated in at Augusta State University (GRU) and some of the confusion and misinformation I perceived among the audience and my fellow, learned presenters.  I already have a book in draft mode on the subject.  In fact, I’ve been working on it for about 12 years now – I haven’t gotten very far in organizing a huge mass of notes and my thoughts. 

The old blog, I have found, not only allows me to quickly publish articles which, by all indications, are appreciated by a wide range of people; it also gives me a chance to go through certain subjects piece by piece in a somewhat logical order.  I find this beyond refreshing, academically speaking.  Each post is a potential chapter-starter for later, more in-depth publications.  I started this forum with two ideas in mind: 1) entertain people with my mad ravings; 2) use it as a forum to sell the books I have in various stages of publication readiness.  The first part comes naturally to me.  I had no earthly idea how to go about the second.  Now, after several months of plodding through, the concept is just presenting itself to me.

If you have ideas (who doesn’t) and want to communicate those ideas with the world beyond simple posts on Facebook or Tweets, then I highly recommend you start a blog.  Use WordPress like I do or any other forum.  They are numerous, FREE, and easy to use – I’m a Luddite and I get this stuff.  I would love to add you to my “blogs I follow” tab over on the left.  Write about anything or everything.  There are no standards here (except those we create ourselves) and possibilities are limitless.

They really are limitless.  In addition to my initial goals, I have added permanent pages which feature and promote my professional business services, my academic aspirations, businesses I respect, and many other things.  While I’ve received some businesses from the site, I have yet to receive a donation.  Shame on you Scrooges…  Just kidding.  Heck, I don’t even list a way to give even if you wanted to.  May have to fix that…

Okay, enough babbling.  I have outlined eight areas I will cover concerning the Second Amendment and related topics, though the number is subject to change.  That’s one of the great things about blogging – you can change anything at any time without restriction.  The first in the series will focus on the Natural Law origins of self-defense in general, the precursor to the Second Amendment’s right to keep and bear arms.  The theory existed long before man devised physical weapons, when his only defense came from his actually two arms, right and left.  It’s eternal.  That is the main point of my first column which will debut soon.

gun-control-laws-gun-control-2nd-amendment-politics

(Google.)

Site News:

Today I am pleased to announce the arrival of the site’s fourth sponsor: Createspace!  See their ad on the left (with all other ads and information).  The services they offer are geared towards publishing in the modern world.  I am using them for my books (soon, soon).  Check out all of their unique features, which go beyond books.  This is a gateway to listings on Amazon, Kindle, and other sales avenues – without having to appease a big publishing company or deal with an agent.  Look into it!

I updated my CV (big resume), see above, today with some more current information – much of it the result of this site. 

This evening I get a new column out.  I have several near completion on a variety of topics.  It all depends on work and family considerations and how I feel…  Stay tuned. 

In The News:

Let’s see…war, rumor of war, economic woes worldwide, double-crosses, turmoil, crises … same old stuff.

Here’s something I find fascinating and potentially very useful and educational!  MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology for those of you in Cornfield) did something almost unthinkable a few years ago.  They basically placed their entire curriculum on the internet completely free to all takers!  Check it out: http://ocw.mit.edu/index.htm.  They count some 2500 courses are available – again all for FREE.  Here’s their promo: “Empowering Minds: Through OCW, educators improve courses and curricula, making their schools more effective; students find additional resources to help them succeed; and independent learners enrich their lives and use the content to tackle some of our world’s most difficult challenges…”

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(MIT. Google.)

Essentially, one can now receive a self-guided education from one of the finest universities in the world for free.  I think some courses are limited or exclude – like security sensitive nuclear classes.  Otherwise, just about everything available in Boston is available to you on the same computer you’re looking at now.

I regret that I have not made full use of the program, despite knowing about it for some time.  I vow to change that.  In the future I intend to report on what I learn soon.  They offer programs in history, economics, and political science, among many others.  I need to pick something out and explore it.  You should to.

A Good Cigar Is A Smoke!

15 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

ale, America, burn, Cigar Aficionado, cigar shop, cigars, Cuban, draw, embargo, experience, Fidel Castro, freedom, full-bodied, George Best, government evil, Gran Habano, Groucho Marx, hand-made, humido, inflation, life, Nicaragua, Perdomo, quality, Romeo and Julieta, Rudyard kipling, scotch, smoke, taxes, tobacco, Top Shelf Cigars, Tubo, Vega and Garcia, W.C. Fields, Winston Churchill

It’s no secret that I love a good cigar, more than one if I can get them.  Both of my grandfathers were avid cigar enthusiasts so maybe I inherited the gene.  Dad smoked cigarettes when I was young and I never liked the smell.  I never smoked cigarettes and I assumed cigars were essentially the same thing.  That’s like assuming a rickshaw and the space shuttle are the same.

Within the cigar world there are many different levels.  Here’s the story of my cigar learning curve:

My first cigar was a drugstore variety Vega and Garcia cheapo that my old buddy Derek brought to my bachelor party.  At the time I had no idea what a good cigar was and I had nothing to compare the experience to.  I puffed away gingerly; the taste was extremely strong to me.  The next day, as I took my vows, I could still taste it – even after numerous beers, a pot of coffee, and brushing my teeth ten times.  My wife never said anything. 

The next year a friend had a baby.  I went to Walgreens and dutifully bought the exact model Derek had supplied for the occasion.  The experience was much the same.  I wrote off cigars as offensive and impractical.  I had two brother-in-laws who smoked cigars.  I assumed their sticks were the same as what I had tried.  One brother came for a visit and gave me a real Cuban – a Romeo and Julieta, No. 2, Tubo.  He lit one up on the patio and encouraged me to do the same.  I politely declined.  I put the little tube, cigar and all, away.  Several years later the other brother had us over to his house.  I knew he would have a cigar.  The mystique of the Cuban called on me and I brought it along.  After a while I lit it up.  I knew nothing at the time about proper cigar preservation and the stick was a bit dry.  However, I realized immediately the difference between dime store cigars and premium cigars.  Even dry, that Cuban was great.

I wasn’t hooked right away.  I had several more non-Cuban smokes over the next year or two.  Then, one summer, when we were all at the beach I decided to grab a few cigars for the guys.  At that time I had only been in a real cigar shop once as a child – with my grandfather.  I didn’t know where the things were sold!  I ended up buying even lower grade cheapos than before.  I felt like a hobo.

At the end of the same summer, the family eating at Outback.  I had previously said something about wanting another cigar.  My dear wife remembered and pointed out a cigar shop in the adjacent shopping center!  I ventured in and explained my amateur plight to the shop keep.  He took me into the walk-in humidor (I had never been in one before).  There I saw thousands of cigars of all sorts.  He recommend two mild sticks – an Avo No. 2, natural and a local blend of some kind.  I tried both over the next week – they were excellent.  The following weekend we were back at Outback.  After eating I announced I was going back to the shop for another smoke.  Great was my surprise to discover the place had gone out of business between my trips.  I was sad.

Soon after we went to the mall.  On the way back, my eagle-eyed wife said, “There’s a cigar shop!”  I missed it and kept driving.  Then, a few blocks away, she spotted another one.  I made the turn and found my then cigar home.  Two years later we relocated to Augusta and I discovered Top Shelf Cigars, the finest shop in the Southeast. 

My taste in cigars has changed somewhat over the years.  Newbies generally stick with lighter, milder sticks; the intensity of a full-bodied cigar can be a bit overwhelming to a beginner.  After years of experimenting I have come to love the flavor of dark, full-bodied cigars.  I enjoy rich earthy tones, mingled with hints of wood and leather and spice.  No, I do not have the sophisticated palate of a Cigar Aficionado reviewer.  But, I know what I like and I tend to stick with it.  For my tastes cigars from Nicaragua offer the most harmonious smoking.  Perdomo and Gran Habano are among my favorite brands. 

I also tend to gravitate to larger cigars.  My theory is that a large cigar delivers more flavor per puff.  Perdomo and Gran Habano offer several such titans which draw (deliver smoke) easily and also burn evenly.  Nothing is more frustrating to a cigar lover than a stick which burns unevenly or worse, is hard to draw smoke through.  As with most things, higher quality usually means a higher price – most of the cigars I enjoy run in the $8 – $12 dollar range.  There are however, numerous lower priced cigars suitable for different events.  For instance, while fishing or mowing the lawn, a $3 – 4 stick is an excellent choice.  All of these prices have practically doubled in the short time I have engaged in the cigar sport – mainly due to the government.  Inflation is always at work but cigars and other tobacco products have been singled out for rough tax treatment of late. 

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(A big boy!)

Unlike cigarettes, which are usually consumed out of habit, cigars are made to be enjoyed for their own sake.  The experience contributes greatly to an improved quality of life.  I think with clarity while smoking and I try to treat each cigar as a unique event.  I do not feel a compulsion to smoke just to have something to do.  By the way, those larger cigars of mine tend to last between 2 to 3 plus hours.  Time and economic considerations limit the frequency and intensity with which I smoke.  Most (but not all!) people I know are subject to the same limitations.

Your tastes may be completely different from mine.  Of course, variety is the spice of life.  Fortunately for me (and you), the cigar world offers a wide range of tastes and sizes.  Your local shop probably has several hundred varieties to choose from.  Every once in a while, I like to mix up my preferences.  Tastes may be affected by the season, the weather, a meal, or the complimentary drink of choice (I usually smoke while enjoying strong, dark ale and occasionally a short glass of premium single-malt scotch.  The wonderful thing about cigars is that, as I said, each one (if it’s a good one) is an experience in and of itself.  Once you find your particular favorite(s), you generally are assured of continuous consistency and quality.  The hand-makers of these beauties take tremendous pride in their work and go to extremes to ensure continuity of quality.

The title of this column comes from a poem – a comparison between women and cigars.  It certainly has overt sexist overtones.  Setting aside presumed bias against women, consider it a commentary on the fickle and fallible ways of humans in general; sometimes we’re all just off, great cigars seldom are.  One of the greatest lines in poetic literature:  “A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke; And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.” – Rudyard Kipling, The Betrothed, second-to-last stanza.

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(Kipling in the humidor.)

There is something about the cigar life that naturally entrains itself into the consciousness, particularly in men.  “I’m going to spend half of my money on cigars, booze and women.  I’m going to waste the other half.”  That quote is attributed to either W.C. Fields, Groucho Marx, or George Best, or I could have dreamed it up.  Good quote though.  It lends itself to the devotion great cigars imbue in their smokers. 

I suspect a few of you frown on my subject today.  That’s okay, you’re entitled to your dumb opinions.  Some (usually women) find the smell of cigars offensive.  Some argue that, like cigarettes, cigars contribute to health problems.  I do not necessarily agree.  One cigar a day is insufficient to cause any type of harm and the relaxation and enjoyment benefits far outweight any potential problems.  Some historically over-exuberant smokers have experienced problems.  For instance, Sir. Winston Churchill smoked cigars from the time he arose til he went back to bed – for most of his life.  That life was cut short at the disappointing age of 92, it’s likely the cigars may have contributed.

Before I conclude I feel compelled to touch on the peculiar matter of Cuban cigars in America.  Many non-enthusiasts I meet invariably want to know if I have ever had a Cuban.  I have had several, though I never violated any law in partaking!  My personal experience with Habanos has been positive overall.  Cubans are the thing of legend in America due to our government’s idiotic embargo against Cuba.  Most Cubans I have had live up to the hype.  However, to compensate the deprived American market for our loss to government stupidity, non-Cubans manufacturers have dramatically increased their quality.  I would actually prefer one of my Perdomos to most Cubans!  Cubans, by nature, tend to be smaller and milder than I prefer.  However, for what they are, they are terrific!

The embargo began in 1962 as a way of punishing Fidel Castro for his revolution.  Gee, that certainly was worked out for us.  Over 50 years later, he still enjoys his smokes everyday while we are deprived.  I can foresee the day when Cubans are reintroduced into the U.S. market.  There will be tremendous demand when that happens and great disappointment.  This will be due to supply and demand factors.  The Cuban factories already have markets for all they produce (the entire rest of the world).  They will not automatically ramp-up production just for us.  Instead, we will receive the lowest of the lowest of their work.  These are already known as “American Cubans” – they sell them to tourists getting off cruise ships (at inflated prices).  My advice is to hold off until they start shipping us the good stuff.  Then again, we may have to wait another 50 years for anything.

In the menawhile, drop by your local shop and find something that suits your tastes.  You’ll be glad you did.

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Perrin Lovett

From Green Altar Books, an imprint of Shotwell Publishing

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