Why? Many Questions, Few Answers

Why does working out make me feel as bad as bidge drinking?

Why are so many fooled by the same old crap every election?

Why, in such a fascinating world, do people watch so much television?

Why do cute, young girls sport those shoulder tattoos?

Why do certain tattoos, on certain parts of certain women turn me on?

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Why the entitlement mentality?

Why is baseball so darned slow?

Why are they making football like baseball?

Why don’t we have Masters week twice a year?

Why can’t slow drivers move over to the right? Seriously. That circle thing in front of you actually steers the car.

Why is the good ale so high calorie and high in sugar?

Why do I attract crazies?

Why don’t I already live in a remote cabin in the mountains?

Why don’t you stop reading here, go to Amazon, and order 25 copies of The Happy Little Cigar Book? Or 50? As many as the card will allow. Use a second card. Or a third.

Why isn’t Cigar smoking the national pastime?

Why don’t men carry pocket knives and handkerchiefs anymore?

Why to grossly obese (fat) people where revealing clothes?

Why do I love peace and yet prepare for war? A paradox? Perrindox?

Why do people literally worship government?

Why do comic books and pop lyrics contain so much truth but “news” programs so little?

Why does it always rain after I wash my car? On a dirt road?

Why do so many pickup truck drivers think they’re in a drunken version of The Dukes of Hazzard?

Why am I so slow and lazy?

Why the hemispherical difference in toilet flush rotation?

Why are good guys attracted to bad girls attracted to bad guys? Why is “bad” superficial? What happened to the good girls? Again, why me and the crazies?

Why was my dad right about just about everything?

Why is the West committing suicide?

Why do people invest so much time and effort in being miserable?

Why do they call it the EARNED Income Tax Credit?

Why is my daughter so much smarter than me?

Why, again, did we rebel against King George?

Why do all (almost all) the people tolerate the domination of a tiny sect of impotent weaklings?

Why do I always forget the hot sauce?

Why do Gurkha wrappers always crack? I get the pretty factor. Such a waste of fine tobacco.

Why can’t we have free banking on a gold standard? Or any standard?

Why do good rockers die young but senators seem to live forever?

Why the obsession with antlers given younger does taste better?

Why is Windows still popular?

Why do hours linger while years are fleeting?

Why do the women I went to school with still look so much better than the men? Really, fellows, invest in a personal trainer and a wig or something.

Why can’t the hot girls consistently jog along the river when I’m there?

Why is H&K synonymous with expensive?

Why does my shoulder hurt? Neck? Knees?

Why do I feel worse when I wake up than when I went to bed?

Why can’t we do better than Bush and Clinton? These names are in the thesaurus together under “has-been.”

Why can’t I buy a Cuban at my local shop? A Bolivar Bellicoso Fino.

Why the saggy, baggy pants? You’re not impressing anyone and you can’t run when needed.

Why do so many irrationally fear animals?

Why are churches usually full of hypocritical, self-righteous sinners?

Why so many vacuous holidays, America?

Why can’t I instantly teleport from here to the beach or the mountains or visa versa? Must I wait until the 23td century?

Why yack on the phone when you have nothing to say?

Why Don Hendley and David Bowie and not, say, Diane Feinstein and Harry Reid?

Why pay taxes?

Why so serious?

Why 300 “likes” for a picture of a cat eating oatmeal and only 2 for truth about the Federal Reserve?

Why do babies instinctively cry around politicians, adults fawn like retarded lemmings?

Why can’t I find a super hot, sane, athletic, untattooed, educated, big boobed 22 year old chick, both mute and a government hating, free thinking, gun, cigar, and booze loving nenphomaniac with a generous trust fund from a small yet gentrified hill town? Yeah, picky, I know.

Why don’t I stop here?

Why can’t they run Sunday style comics all week?

Why did it take so long to fire Mark Ritch?

Why can’t the IRS explain that last penalty in my payment plan?

Why the IRS at all?

Why do fat, ugly, unwashed, poorly dressed idiots with 14 loud children flock to buffets and popular chain restaurants?

Why is it sugar kills more people than marijuana but one is legal, the other a controlled substance?

Why is it others get sick to the point of death and I merely feel tired for a day?

Why are people afraid to walk the streets at night but eagerly step into the voting booths?

Why my consistent bad form with a left cross? I have a pinky cut!

Why is gravity heavier near the free weights?

Why, or how, does the deadlift bar cut my shins through knee-high socks AND sweat pants?!

Why, never mind…

Why do handicapped drivers always drive so …  handicapped?

Why can’t the black lives matter and the white right crowds see that they have so much in common, so few differences, and a common, deadly enemy?

Why are there no manly greeting cards?

Why aren’t those reality shows real?

Why, how, are American child custody laws in synch with equal protection?

Why do I crave the cheeseburger?

Why don’t humans learn from history?

Why the overriding desire to appear so GD stupid?

Why the 38 piercings in his head?

Why are the conspiracy theories always vindicated? And yet still considered conspiracy theories?

Why is snowboarding impossibly hard for me? Fresh powder, half of a half of Jack – what keeps going wrong?

Why twelve grades?

Why are modern movies so horrid yet so popular?

Why don’t folks get the concept of inflation?

Why have a Congress when criminals are to be found in any and every town?

Why the cheap garbage at eye level?

Why do men carry umbrellas? Hats and coats, gentlemen.

Why does life exist outside a beaurocracy?

Why not security secured by freedom?

Why not both Mary Ann and Ginger?

Why have you read so far? Go buy my books!

 

 

Exile of Justice: Snowden Offers to Return for Fair Trial

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Three years ago Edward Snowden worked as a contractor for the National Security Agency. Alarmed by the NSA’s massive invasion of privacy and violation of civil liberties he leaked thousands of pages of classified information about the program to the public. His revelations were really nothing new; anyone with both eyes open could have learned the truth about the spy agency’s sinister agenda nearly twenty years earlier. They watch and listen to everything and everyone constantly. It’s conceivable that even as I type this article an NSA computer is dissecting it. Certainly within minutes of my official posting the electronic analysis will be completed. The whole thing will be archived. If the computer senses a threat, I will be passed on to human analysts.

Most of these people spend their days on Facebook or playing video games. Usually they miss alerts. That’s good when it comes to dissenting bloggers, bad when it’s ISIS. However, if a human verfies a possible threat, an investigation may ensue.

Again, if the danger is real and the investigative methods legal, it is a good system. There are plenty of real bad guys out there. As for the method, most electronic gathering is accomplished via open air interception. Anyone with a good enough scanner can capture a host of free floating transmissions. If you want your communication secure, either encrypt it, mask it, or don’t transmit it.

Snowden discovered that when open intercepts aren’t enough the government will illegally wiretap and spy as necessary. The illegality comes from a lack of warrant, lack of probable cause, and a total absence of oversight.

Acting as a whistleblower he disclosed this scheme to the public. As thanks the American redneckery and law and order, evangelical types branded him a traitor; the government declared him a fugitive. He now lives somewhere in Russia.

His choice of refuge turns geo-politics on its head. Thirty years ago Russia was a communist dictatorship that kept the people in line through spying and intimidation. Back then America was a freer country, a proud defender of the rights of the citizenry. Things change.

Snowden faces prosecution and assured imprisonment for decades should he return home. Yesterday, via video, he told a group of New Hampshire based libertarians he is willing to come back and face the music – conditionally. “I’ve told the government I would return if they would guarantee a fair trial where I can make a public interest defense of why this was done and allow a jury to decide,” he said.

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Google.

The whole affair is pointless to begin with. Three years later nothing has changed. No tangible evidence of damage to national security has manifested due to the leaks. Another holder of classified information, who leaked the same, is a leading contender for President. The people, most of them, never heard Snowdon’s warning in the first place. Those that heard forgot having more important things to attend – television, tattoos, football, etc. The NH libertarians are part of the .003% that get it. They represent a statistical outlier, an anomaly not worthy of official consideration. The NSA spies on, unhindered.

If Snowden ever returns and is prosecuted, he WILL NOT receive a fair trial. Such things simply do not happen in 21st century America. In fact, the American courtroom is the last place one should expect to find justice. No one gets a fair trial. Most don’t get a trial period. Snowden knows this. Thus, he lives abroad.

He and his attorneys have explored a plea deal with the feds. Most criminal cases end in pleas rather than trials. This is because people understand the system is so corrupt, it is usually better to accept a shorter jail term by coping to lesser charges. There have been exceptions. I recall a woman in Alabama who, faced with criminal tax charges, took the IRS to court and won. James Trafficant did the same thing in the 1980s. Both were plain lucky.

Snowden is looking for something different. He asks that his trial be conducted according to the Constitution. The Sixth Amendment requires: “In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury … to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.” It mandates due process of law. That will not happen.

The particular charges are tantamount to Treason, one of the three specifically enumerated crimes in Article One of the Constitution. I’ll give the government that solid ground.

An indictment against Snowden has already been issued by a federal grand jury. Such juries used to be an independent check on prosecutorial misconduct. Today they merely indict as ordered by the U.S. Attorney, being no more than a tool of the DOJ. Defendants do not have a say in the process and the government can present any information, true or false (frequently lies) anyway it wants. Thus, fairness has already been compromised.

The Fifth Amendment mandates Due Process and prohibits double jeopardy. Rest assured that if, by odd chance, Snowden beat the charges, the government could then charge him with something else. Or, they could declare him a material witness, enemy combatant, material witness enemy, leprechaun or any other term(S) they make up and just imprison him. Just because they can. They could also just kill him without pretense or explanation. Just because.

In between the grand jury’s lapdogging and the double jeopardy potentially lies the trial. At trial the government controls everything. They get to present any type of evidence they like, often as a surprise to the defense. The defense is discouraged from attacking said evidence even when it is demonstrably false. The judge will move heaven and earth to keep defense friendly information out of the show. Occasionally defendants try to put the government on trial too. Judges, being government agents themselves, try to stop this. Remember, Snowden could bring in thousands of pages of documents damaging to the state. His ultimate argument could be that even if he technically broke the law, he only did so to expose worse behavior by the feds, thus he is really innocent and should be acquitted.

Such argument leads to potential jury nullification of the specific law as applied to a specific defendant. This is not a theory but an ancient design, a final check against corruption where the entirety of the legal and factual circumstances are left to the enlightened determination of the jury. Judges will defy the laws of physics to try to stop this from happening.

Then there’s the jury itself. Ages ago juries were a collection of intelligent men who were peers of, actual friends of the defendant. Being his friends and knowing his character they could weigh the presented evidence against their knowledge, thereby forming a reasonable judgement.

Today elaborate safeguards are in place to ensure jurors have never heard of the defendant let alone be his friends. The government wants dumb submissive jurors who will easily go along with what they’re told. Modern society makes this a given. A jury is usually nothing more than twelve stupid, poorly dressed, uninterested saps who may just as well be assembled of random midnight Wal-Mart shoppers.

This is the program to which Snowden would return. Sad, yes. Comical, perhaps. Fair? Anything but. Luckily, modern Russia is a pretty nice place.

 

 

 

Poem for the Red State

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Sing a song of hogwash,

A politician loves to lie.

Four and twenty Republicans,

Baked in a Palmetto pie.

When the pie was opened,

The loons began to hate.

Wasn’t that a pretty sight,

Some called it a “debate.”

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What the? Darned liars! Google.

Fools were in the audience,

Clapping like drunken seals.

Pundits were in the narthex,

Reporting with due zeal.

The free people were outside,

Minding their own business.

Along came a politician,

And stole the babies’ kisses.

Avo No. 2: Where It All Began

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I was in a cigar shop. It was Top Shelf Cigars of Augusta, Georgia. I made my way around the humidor. Fate turned my gaze to the Dominican section in the back. There I happened upon a happy little box – the Avo Classic No. 2. Memories flooded my mind.

As I wrote in The Happy Little Cigar Book the Avo No. 2 was the first premium Cigar I ever purchased. That first encounter was almost eleven years ago. Times and my tastes have changed. Having gone a good while without an Avo I decided to light one up.

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Perrin Lovett.

Back then I smoked after a steak dinner. Now I proceeded having just come off the road. The experience was much the same. A few years older and a few pounds lighter I still thoroughly enjoyed this stick.

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Gettin going. Perrin Lovett.

Avo Uvezian is a famed pianist and composer. On a junket to Switzerland in 1983 he had the brilliant idea to craft his own cigar blend. He teamed with Hendrik Kelner from Davidoff. The rest is history.

Gentlemen’s Gazzett notes the Avo Classic “remains a perfect reflection the cigar maker’s credo.” The Cigar Inspector gives it a 4.5 star rating. I agree. This is certainly not my usual fare. I, being now experienced in what I really enjoy, go for fully bodied and, dare I admit, dirtier cigars – the stuff of black Nicaraguan dirt. However, I found the No. 2 as intriguing today as I did in 2005.

The burn and draw are flawless. Once I had it going I did not once have to touch up. My toro natural was as well composed as any work of Uvezian. The smoke is super smooth like a really good Cuban. The taste is a bit milder perhaps – almost “creamy” whatever that denotes. There is nothing milky about it. I equate this to light and smooth. It is a very easy smoke. Any novice can handle it with ease and without fear. I have recommended this more than once as a first cigar. Veterans will relish the simplicity as well.

Along the way a few sublte notes of pepper and other tastes evolved. None were substantial enough to warrant a label of “spicy” however. Their coming and going mingled perfectly with the overall character of the smoke.

I had no steak or other sustenance beyond a brown ale. Oddly enough I pared this very mild cigar with a Maduro Brown Ale from Cigar City Brewing (Tampa, FL). The haphazard blend came off perfectly.

Perfect is how I can best describe the No. 2. It is a perfect companion for a thoughtful evening of reflection, an overdue private conversation, or any moment of relaxation. And, as a bonus, it won’t leave you with “horse breath” as the tobacconist put it over a decade ago.

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Smooth unto the end. Perrin Lovett.

From a master composer and a master blender comes a master’s smoke. Enjoy an Avo Classic at your local smoke shop soon – for old times sake or for a smooth balanced delight.

 

Suffer the Banksters

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The American government is owned by bankers and operated for their good.I don’t mean your friends at the local credit union. I mean the central banks and their criminal associates. They are charter members of the Big Club that owns the country, most of it. They want it all, everything we have including our very lives.

Yesterday I blasted the GOP for their support of drafting women to fight for corporate profit. No entity profits more off of war than central banks and their commercial minions. They want all our children in servitude.

They also lock people up for civil debts despite a supposedly absolute legal ban on debtors prisons. The banks have U.S. Marshals hauling people into court in handcuffs and forcing those people, at gun point, to sign onto repayment plans for allegedly delinquent student loans. For now it just student loans. Maybe tomorrow it will be credit cards and mortgages too.

The shame of this is double. The illegally arrested poor are likely in court due to default judgments in cases they knew nothing about until they were arrested. Most of these cases probably suffer from a total lack of evidence. Also, these loans were of money created out of thin air. It cost the banks and the government nothing to create this fiat. Repayment, however, requires years of work. This is little more than slavery. That’s what they want – a nation of slaves.

Years ago they did away with high denomination paper money. Actually, they did away with money altogether. Now they’re targeting the $100 Bill. This is the next step towards eliminating cash completely. This will force everyone into the banking system and give the criminals total control over the monetary supply.

They want your money, your daughters, your lives. In 1836 Andrew Jackson allegedly said of the Banksters, “You are a den of vipers and thieves. I intend to rout you out, and by the grace of the Eternal God, will rout you out.” He was a man of his word. We desperately need that spirit again.

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Absolute Failure

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I don’t watch political debates. It’s not that I don’t like being lied to while a hoard of morons cheer like drunken sheep. I don’t like either. I’ve watched these things before, many of them, on television. I’ve been to more than a few in person. Only once – at a live Senatorial debate – did I ever hear something that I agreed with and respected. And that was a simple, one word answer.

My objection stems from economical consideration of my personal resources. I don’t waste my time on hours of pointless stupidity that be surveyed the next day through transcripts and video clips.

First, a quick word about that one word answer. In 2003 or 2004 (I think) I ventured down to a GOP “Christian” Coalition debate between several candidates for Georgia’s then open U.S. Senate seat. The moderator asked the assembled men if they supported President Bush’s plan to offer amnesty to illegal aliens. Johnny Isaacson, the man who eventually won election, gave a rambling political answer that put half the audience to sleep. I can’t remember if he said yea or nay. Next, Mac Collins explained for several minutes his deep rooted connection to Georgia. ‘I worked the Georgia clay with my own hands,’ and so forth. Again, no cogent answer. Then Herman Cain answered with a simple “no.”

Such simplistic honesty is exceedingly rare during debates (in all of politics too). Usually candidates try to one up each other while trying to tell the people what they want to hear.

Sometimes politicians stumble upon or march straight into dangerous and frightening territory. Such was the case at the recent Republican debate in new Hampshire.

In respnse to a question about the Selective (Slavery) Service, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and Chris Christie expressed verbal support for drafting our young women into the military. If silence is consent, the other pitiful candidates concurred with the deranged threesome. Only Ted “carpet bomb” Cruz dissented. His objection stemmed from old-fashioned chivalry which I agree with. However, he’s as big a warmonger as an. He would have no trouble marching our sons off die fight and die for the banks, just not our daughters. I have no use for any of these degenerates.

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Women too, it seems. Google.

As Rothbard wrote in 1973, “Conscription is slavery.” His concern was that conscription is a 100% tax on a man’s life. It is. It’s also terrible for other reasons. It allows commanders a degree of recklessness regarding martial strategy. If you get all your men killed more can just be called up to replace them.

“War is a racket,” wrote Smedley Butler. They are generally fought for nefarious reasons having nothing to do with domestic security or tranquility. In a decent and morally sound country there should be no shortage of men volunteering to defend the homeland if actually threatened. The country’s government that resorts to drafting men is up to no good. That country is headed into darkness. A country that drafts women is an absolute failure and does not deserve to exist.

At the GOP insanity show Martha Raddatz of ABC News noted that Army and Marine chiefs had just told Congress women should register with Selective Service as men do. She then asked, “Many of you have young daughters. Senator Rubio, should young women be required to sign up for selective service in case of a national emergency [?]”

Here follow the entire answer of Rubio, Bush and Christie (transcript by cnsnews.com):

Rubio responded: “Well first, let me say there are already women serving today in roles that are like combat, that in fact whose lives are in very serious danger. So I have no problem whatsoever with people of either gender serving in combat, so long as the minimum requirements necessary to do the job are not compromised. But I support that. And, obviously, now that that is the case I do believe that selective service should be opened up for both men and for women in case a draft is ever instituted.”

After this, Rubio made some statements about the need to reverse the weakening of the U.S. military.

Raddatz then put the question about women registering for the selective service to Bush.

Raddatz: “Gov. Bush … Do you believe that young women should sign up for selective service—be required to do so?”

Bush responded: “I do. I do. And I think that we should not impose any kind of political agenda on the military. There should be—if women can meet the requirements, the minimum requirements, for combat service, they ought to have the right to do it, for sure.”

After this, Bush made some statements about the need to strengthen the military.

Then Raddatz asked Bush a follow-up question about his statement that he supports having young women sign up for the selective service. This led to an exchange between her and Bush.

Raddatz asked: “Tell me what you would say to American people out there, who are sitting at home, who have daughters, who might worry about those answers?”

Bush: “Why would they worry about it?”

Raddatz: “–and might worry that the draft is reinstituted?”

Bush: “Well, the draft is not going to be reinstituted. But why—if women are accessing—”

Raddatz: “But you can just do away with it?”

Bush: “No, I didn’t say that. You asked the question not about the draft, you asked about registering. And if women are going to be supporting– ”

Raddatz: “You register for the draft—if it’s reinstituted.”

Bush: “But we don’t have a draft. I’m not suggesting we have a draft. What I’m suggesting is that we ought to have readiness being the first priority of our military, and secondly that we make sure that the moral is high. And right now neither one of those is acceptable because we have been gutting the military budget. We also need to reform our procurement process. We need to make sure that there are more men and women in uniform than civilians in our Defense Department. There’s a lot of things that we need to do to reform, to bring our defense capabilities into the 21st century and I am the guy that can do that. That’s why I have the support of generals of admirals of 12 Medal of Honor recipients and many other people that know I would be a steady commander in chief and rebuild our military.

Raddatz: “Thank you very much.”

Gov. Chris Christie then stepped into the discussion to give his answer to the question.

Christie: “Martha, can I be really clear on this, because I am the father of two daughter—one of them is here tonight. What my wife and I have taught our daughters right from the beginning: that their sense of self-worth, their sense of value, their sense of what they want to do with their life comes not from the outside but comes from within. And if a young woman in this country wants to go and fight to defend her country she should be permitted to do so. And part of that also needs to be a part of a greater effort in this country. So, there is no reason why one young woman should be discriminated against from registering for the selecting service. The fact is we need to be a party and a people that makes sure that our women in this country understand anything they can dream, anything they want to aspire to, they can do. That’s the way we raised our daughters and that’s what we should aspire to as president for all the women in our country.”

Where to start, where to start?

Christie, all 400 pounds of him, wants to save women from discrimination. Isn’t that nice? A young woman’s worth comes from within. The draft comes from without, from Washington, from overweight, hairbrained idiots like Christie. Discrimination from criminal slavery is a good thing, it should apply to all.

Foamio is at least honest that this is about the draft, if ever reinstituted. “Obviously” it should be open to all. All except the well connected, bankers, and politicians, of course.

Bush seemed to take issue with the actual draft. “Well, the draft is not going to be reinstituted.” Really? Then why not abolish the Selective Service altogether? 

“Why would [the American people with daughters] worry about it? This smug stupidity is why I can’t watch debates nor support these candidates and their government. My answer to Bush’s question is simple (and likely beyond his comprehension). I have a daughter. I love her more than anything else in the world. I will not have her coerced into fighting for a corrupt, evil government and its Satanic globalist masters. I am willing to die and to kill to save her from such a fate.

The Bush family has a century long history of war profiteering. It started with Sam Bush and the War Industries Board of WWI (war for corporate profit). Sam and his banker son, Sam, continued the tradition in WWII (war for corporate profit). In WWII, a direct extension of WWI, the Bush men bet on both sides (a practice perfected by the Rothschilds).

President George Bush the 1st, former head of the Machiavellian CIA, wasted no time making war on Iraq (war for corporate profit). President George Bush the 2nd continued that war (for corporate profit) and launched another in Afghanistan (war for corporate profit). 

These wars killed and mained scores of millions of people. They were also the lifeblood of armorment companies, investment bankers and central banks, along with parasitic beaurocrats the world over. I do not wish to see Jeb or anyone else continue this never-ending cycle of death and destruction.

Those in attendance at the debate did not share my sentiments. That rabble of fat, ignorant, sickly looking heathens cheered the notion of enslaving women to government service. 

The Democrats offer nothing better. Their words are usually different, their dastardly deeds the same.

Dragging women into combat for corporations will be the coup de grâce of the old, dying Republic. It will see us from pathetically defeated to utter ruination.

Friends, do not partake of this madness; fight it.

 

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Welcome to post number 400 at perrinlovett.me! Long live the blog!

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2016 promises to be a great year. I’m expecting at least another 100 articles as well as several more books. Ah, the future. Speaking of which, here’s a look ahead at some news headlines from February 14, 2066:

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Goodbye, Saint Valentine: Caliphate says ancient infidel holiday violates Sharia.

In the face of 87% unemployment Fed Chairman Harvey Goldwitz says, “economy never stronger, bankers never richer.”

GOP Senate supports new war effort; Democrats demand equality of MIC contract graft; location of conflict yet undecided, deemed trivial.

Jorge Bush, Jr. readies 2068 presidential campaign. Willie Obama-Clinton says DNC up to the challenge.

Justice served! Supreme Court rules old Constitution violates government’s ability to violate Constitution, strikes down entirely.

Palestinians and Israelis still fighting.

Supersize! 99.99% of Americans, 87% of World population now morbidly obese.

Scientists baffled at unnatural rate of healthy, athletic robots. Commission formed to study.

AI Senior Drone concerned humans could conceivably become fit and intelligent again. “Biggest threat to silicon life since EMP!”

Nashville: Last unencumbered private property owner shot dead by S.W.A.T. team as crowd cheers.

Super Bowl champion quarterback suspended for not wearing pink tutu during big game. Arrest expected this week.

Jesse Jackson III claims offense at lack of offensive occurrences.

Mumbling homeless midget awarded Noble Prize.

National IQ reaches new low, almost immeasurable; NASCAR fans still dumberest.

Wal-Mart sued after fat woman angered by something.

90% of children on food stamps, others to be retroactively aborted.

Al Sharpton still won’t pay taxes, brings back the sweatsuit.

Man shocked to find alligator in swimming pool. Alligator shocked to find man capable of walking outside.

With bankruptcy abolished and immortality potentially achievable, banks consider infinite mortgages: “Be a debt slave forever!”

Last university math department closes after 12 years without a single enrollment.

Three students actually graduate from New York City high schools – all promptly stoned to death by vagrants.

NASA budget spent on beer, Cheetos and lottery tickets – last astronauts abandoned on Mars starve. Public unconcerned.

Spokane residents outraged by temporary failure of city surveillance system: “We were free and unmonitored for two whole days!”

WHO and WWF agree to add slim, attractive people to extinction watch list.

Handicapped robots demand additional parking spaces.

Woman frustrated by her lack of traffic accident in past three years; automated auto blamed.

Only six highway bridges remain standing; Interstate system to be scrapped.

Unobtrusive, happy man discovered going about own business, relocated to mental ward.

As of June 1st failure to watch television to become felony.

Declassified CIA paper unequivocally shows 911 attack an inside, covert government program. Evangelists and voters still unconvinced.

Insurance foundation alarmed as first claim paid in decades: “That’s our money!”

Napping set to surpass eating as national pastime.

Woman sets world record – shops 367 days per year.

Politician eaten by wolf. Nobody believed him. Wolf hospitalized.

With guns, knives, and shoes outlawed, Brady Center takes aim at salt shakers, bird baths.

John McCain defends Afghan war, claims victory a mere millinia away.

Teachers union calls strike after 3rd graders request to learn something.

Book Burner given Congressional Metal, two tickets to Dollywood.

Man convicted of asserting innocence at criminal trial.

Small turtle declared king of Greater Somolia.

I’m not loving it: zombie expires after eating Big Mac.

Alien lands spaceship in Washington DC, shakes head repeatedly, leaves after four minutes.

Gorilla volunteers to teach Americans to read. Offer coldly rejected; gorilla depressed.

Average adolescent weighs 310 pounds, has never been outside.

Homeland Secretary assures frightened public National Parks only urban legend.

Dope fo tractah: da return of hip pop country.

Atheists dispute existence of sun, point to flatness of earth.

Diane Feinstein youngest, most attractive member of Congress.

With only 12% of European population native and working, refugees concerned about end of handouts and terror targets.

College professor praised for urinated on, then eating known Christian student.

Biloxi family chastised for raising polite, modest children.

New numerical order contemplated as National debt reaches 999 Centillion Dollars. Republicans promise upcoming debt ceiling increase will be the last.

Cat voted out of San Francisco mayor’s office in recall: refused gang tattoos.

In utero tattoo procedure allows babies to be born looking like trashy sailors.

40° below! Al Gore frozen solid while given latest global warming warning during blizzard.

Intravenous potato chip/malt liquor mixture approved for over-the-counter consumption. Anheuser-Lays stock soars.

Plutonians declare Donald Trump supreme overlord of solar system; Trump unimpressed, vows something louder, grander.

Pacific Ocean replaced with Pepsi Cola.

Couch potato suffers heart attack after remote control falls to floor, watch group demands action (not from us though).

Voodoo doctor surprised by water in stream, blames the patriarchy.

Gangsta wannabe tries knockout game with polar bear, funeral on Wednesday.

Chris Christy new spokesman for Weight Watchers. Just kidding – still fat.

Neighbors investigate horrible odor, discover city hall.

The band that refused to die: Rolling Stones on tour … again … still alive … forever…

Moris Dees admits being communist crackpot: “A joke gone viral, gone wrong.”

Feminist social warrior: “God is Hitler.”

Bernie Sanders visits North Korea, admits mistaken philosophy.

Ahead of 100th anniversary of Liberty attack no one remembers; Navy silence ordered.

Witches sacrifice calculator as simpletons look on.

Louis Farrakhan blames “blue eyed devils” for general lack of interest in posthumous autobiography.

Monica’s dress cleaned by mistake, Clinton library head fired.

Toothpicks join gold, canned goods, ducktape, self reliance and common sense on list of prohibited items.

John Hagee reads Bible, discovers lack of rapture; calls again for rapture anyway.

Speechwriter terminated after fact check reveals true statement in 2065 State of the Union speech.

USDA approves increase in allowable mutated rodent fecal matter in processed food, bans vegetables.

Computer malfunctions, catches fire after failed attempt to calculate lenght of Code of Federal Regulations.

Pope gives up, goes home.

Augusta, Georgia woman exhausted by breathing, demands government subsidies.

Tennessee: last known Confederate grave desecrated, replaced by check cashing store.

Man confused by giant, cloud-like things in sky; FBI offers to hold hand.

House Committee ponders 100% income tax for top 100% of earners.

Thomas Jefferson miraculously returns from death, visits local shopping center to converse with locals, promptly commits suicide.

“Normalcy” added to APA-DSM 7 list of chronic disorders.

November election predicted to be biggest con job to date: voters dumber than sh!t.

Curmudgeon speaks: Perrin Lovett, nearing 100, still hates the government; credits cigars and insanity with long life.

******

Too much? Nah, you know me. Good night and God bless.

Eternal Dissent: RIP Antonin Scalia

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Yesterday Senior Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died at a resort in Texas. So passes the last originalist champion of the old Constitution.

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Wikipedia.

Scalia was recognized, even by his detractors, as perhaps the most intelligent, well reasoned man ever on the Court. Frequently his words, majority or minority, were the only ones worth reading in opinions. His dissenting opinion, often all alone, was legendary.

Political speculation abounds regarding his potential replacement. Obama or the next President will fill the now open seat. However, this man’s legacy and position are irreplaceable.

Thank you and God rest you, Justice Scalia.

 

Happy Saint Valentines Day

Hold the roses and candy for a second. Saint Valentine was a real Roman priest during the third century. This was just prior to the sanctioning and adoption of Christianity by the Empire. Thus, Valentine was persecuted for his belief and practices. The romantic association evolved from his (illegal) marriage of several Roman soldiers and their sweethearts in the church. For his crimes he was executed, supposedly on or about February 14th.

So, when you wish to be someone’s Valentine, you actually express love unto martyrdom. Remember that for a moment admid the modern, commercial descent into neo-paganism. Add the “Saint” to your amorous expression.

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Cbn.com.

Shoot Then Shut Up

Despite being nominally peaceful the modern world can seem a dangerous place. Sometimes the danger is real, real enough to warrant the use of deadly force in response. Previously I have written about this rare but adrenaline charged scenario from a legal standpoint. Today Marc J. Victor offers excellent legal education for those who may be confronted with a self-defense shooting. He offers five observations based on his decades as a defense attorney:

First, do not talk to the police. I’ve said this time and time again. You have a right to remain silent – remain silent. I would expand on this point by saying not to talk to anyone except your attorney. Friends, relatives, neighbors, and the media can all be called as witnesses against you based on what you told them and how they remember it. I disagree with Victor on only one issue – 911.

911 is a government service, an extension of the police. Do not call 911 yourself. The exception is only if you created the situation that lead to the shooting incident (which, by itself, may not preclude innocence in the shooting). One has a legal and a moral duty to report such circumstances. These are rare. The thug who tried to carjack you (whom you shot) created the problem. You merely rendered yourself aid, solving the problem.

If the shooting ocurrs away from your home, leave reporting to witnesses. Odds are they will dial 911. If there is nobody around but you and the body(S), consider the matter over and leave. Speak to no one except perhaps an attorney or a priest. We are surrounded by cameras these days. If the police learn about you via a recording, let the recording serve as the witness. It should later serve as your defense in court; your attorney can narrate it. You say nothing.

If the shooting happens at your home, then your neighbors will likely call 911. Let them. Say nothing. If you have no neighbors or if hours pass without the police arriving, consider the matter over. Maybe invest in a good shovel.

The rest of Victor’s analysis centers on the failed American “justice” system, reasonableness, and perception. These are important to consider prior to a shooting and critical when talking to a lawyer. Read his examples and exceptions.

After a shooting or even absent one the police may come calling on you for your gun(s). They may be looking for other valuables as well. If it’s not the government, it may be ordinary criminals. In addition to not speaking to them or consenting to their expedition you may also want to make their searches difficult if not completely futile. If you don’t want it discovered, hide it.

These hyperlinked articles and many, many more come from www.lewrockwell.com.

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Just an ordinary idiot box. Google.