Why does working out make me feel as bad as bidge drinking?

Why are so many fooled by the same old crap every election?

Why, in such a fascinating world, do people watch so much television?

Why do cute, young girls sport those shoulder tattoos?

Why do certain tattoos, on certain parts of certain women turn me on?



Why the entitlement mentality?

Why is baseball so darned slow?

Why are they making football like baseball?

Why don’t we have Masters week twice a year?

Why can’t slow drivers move over to the right? Seriously. That circle thing in front of you actually steers the car.

Why is the good ale so high calorie and high in sugar?

Why do I attract crazies?

Why don’t I already live in a remote cabin in the mountains?

Why don’t you stop reading here, go to Amazon, and order 25 copies of The Happy Little Cigar Book? Or 50? As many as the card will allow. Use a second card. Or a third.

Why isn’t Cigar smoking the national pastime?

Why don’t men carry pocket knives and handkerchiefs anymore?

Why to grossly obese (fat) people where revealing clothes?

Why do I love peace and yet prepare for war? A paradox? Perrindox?

Why do people literally worship government?

Why do comic books and pop lyrics contain so much truth but “news” programs so little?

Why does it always rain after I wash my car? On a dirt road?

Why do so many pickup truck drivers think they’re in a drunken version of The Dukes of Hazzard?

Why am I so slow and lazy?

Why the hemispherical difference in toilet flush rotation?

Why are good guys attracted to bad girls attracted to bad guys? Why is “bad” superficial? What happened to the good girls? Again, why me and the crazies?

Why was my dad right about just about everything?

Why is the West committing suicide?

Why do people invest so much time and effort in being miserable?

Why do they call it the EARNED Income Tax Credit?

Why is my daughter so much smarter than me?

Why, again, did we rebel against King George?

Why do all (almost all) the people tolerate the domination of a tiny sect of impotent weaklings?

Why do I always forget the hot sauce?

Why do Gurkha wrappers always crack? I get the pretty factor. Such a waste of fine tobacco.

Why can’t we have free banking on a gold standard? Or any standard?

Why do good rockers die young but senators seem to live forever?

Why the obsession with antlers given younger does taste better?

Why is Windows still popular?

Why do hours linger while years are fleeting?

Why do the women I went to school with still look so much better than the men? Really, fellows, invest in a personal trainer and a wig or something.

Why can’t the hot girls consistently jog along the river when I’m there?

Why is H&K synonymous with expensive?

Why does my shoulder hurt? Neck? Knees?

Why do I feel worse when I wake up than when I went to bed?

Why can’t we do better than Bush and Clinton? These names are in the thesaurus together under “has-been.”

Why can’t I buy a Cuban at my local shop? A Bolivar Bellicoso Fino.

Why the saggy, baggy pants? You’re not impressing anyone and you can’t run when needed.

Why do so many irrationally fear animals?

Why are churches usually full of hypocritical, self-righteous sinners?

Why so many vacuous holidays, America?

Why can’t I instantly teleport from here to the beach or the mountains or visa versa? Must I wait until the 23td century?

Why yack on the phone when you have nothing to say?

Why Don Hendley and David Bowie and not, say, Diane Feinstein and Harry Reid?

Why pay taxes?

Why so serious?

Why 300 “likes” for a picture of a cat eating oatmeal and only 2 for truth about the Federal Reserve?

Why do babies instinctively cry around politicians, adults fawn like retarded lemmings?

Why can’t I find a super hot, sane, athletic, untattooed, educated, big boobed 22 year old chick, both mute and a government hating, free thinking, gun, cigar, and booze loving nenphomaniac with a generous trust fund from a small yet gentrified hill town? Yeah, picky, I know.

Why don’t I stop here?

Why can’t they run Sunday style comics all week?

Why did it take so long to fire Mark Ritch?

Why can’t the IRS explain that last penalty in my payment plan?

Why the IRS at all?

Why do fat, ugly, unwashed, poorly dressed idiots with 14 loud children flock to buffets and popular chain restaurants?

Why is it sugar kills more people than marijuana but one is legal, the other a controlled substance?

Why is it others get sick to the point of death and I merely feel tired for a day?

Why are people afraid to walk the streets at night but eagerly step into the voting booths?

Why my consistent bad form with a left cross? I have a pinky cut!

Why is gravity heavier near the free weights?

Why, or how, does the deadlift bar cut my shins through knee-high socks AND sweat pants?!

Why, never mind…

Why do handicapped drivers always drive so …  handicapped?

Why can’t the black lives matter and the white right crowds see that they have so much in common, so few differences, and a common, deadly enemy?

Why are there no manly greeting cards?

Why aren’t those reality shows real?

Why, how, are American child custody laws in synch with equal protection?

Why do I crave the cheeseburger?

Why don’t humans learn from history?

Why the overriding desire to appear so GD stupid?

Why the 38 piercings in his head?

Why are the conspiracy theories always vindicated? And yet still considered conspiracy theories?

Why is snowboarding impossibly hard for me? Fresh powder, half of a half of Jack – what keeps going wrong?

Why twelve grades?

Why are modern movies so horrid yet so popular?

Why don’t folks get the concept of inflation?

Why have a Congress when criminals are to be found in any and every town?

Why the cheap garbage at eye level?

Why do men carry umbrellas? Hats and coats, gentlemen.

Why does life exist outside a beaurocracy?

Why not security secured by freedom?

Why not both Mary Ann and Ginger?

Why have you read so far? Go buy my books!