This time tomorrow President Hussein Obama will be enjoying his new life of golf, prayer rugs, golf, and probably pizza. Maybe with some golf too. He made his final state telephone call to Germany’s Angela Merkel.
Through my Russian connections, I happen to have a partial transcript of the conversation (already in progress but all in English, until the very end):
Obama: …really don’t care about the $10 Trillion. Just don’t give a hoot. It’s not like I have to pay it back.
Merkel: But the Deutsche Bank will be under by summer. We never got the loan guarantees!
Obama: Trump can … He’s got that Munchkin … Luncheon … whoever… Janet’s still around. They’ll work out …
Unknown male (American side): Mr. [?] President, they said a 2 o’clock tee time works for everyone.
Obama: Splendid! Tell [muffled] that we’re on! And get some of those little … you know … for the trip. Did Michelle say it was okay?
Unknown male: We never got a chance to …
Obama: Good. Glad we’re all on the same page. Make sure they pack my red rug for the greens. Contrast.
Unknown male [?]: [muffled]
Obama: Look, Amanda …
Merkel: Angela …
Obama: Right, Samantha … Look the point is, just keep bringing them in. Try to get another million before the Bun…
Merkel: ANOTHER (shouting) million! But I only have until September.
Obama: No. Don’t think that way. I saw some polls that …
Merkel: Hillary saw some polls.
Obama: You Germans and the polls!
Merkel and Obama: [laughing]
Obama: Seriously. Where was I? No. Nine months is long enough. Just import as many as you can.
Merkel: We didn’t … AfD …
Obama: My time runs out … like … two … tomorrow I’m done. Can’t really get anymore here. It’s on you and the Frogs.
Merkel: One more attack and the AfD owns Berlin! Have you seen that poll!?
Unknown female (American side): [muffled]
Unknown female: Yes, sir.
Obama: Uh … Brady… um …. under, twenty-five grand!
Unknown female: [muffled] … pizza is here.
Obama: Ooooooh. Okay. Hey, Murray …
Obama: Myrtle. Look. Just keep it up. The brotherhood will try to make sure the next bombing is …
Obama: Look, I gotta run. It’s all good. Just two million more should do it.
Merkel: But… I am finished!
Obama: All gonna work out.
Merkel: May, Le Pen, Trump. Frauke is coming…
Merkel: They’re in the streets!
Obama: … bar …
Merkel: Threatened to burn my hou…
Obama: Atta, girl!
Merkel: Barry! Barry! Save us…
Obama: … smell pizza and my driver! You play, Martha? … Good. December,maybe?
Merkel: I’m in the bunker!
Obama: I try to avoid those. Nice talking to you, Fräulein…
Merkel: (hysterical) [unintelligible] … want my head!
**American side hangs up. Line goes silent…
Well… Not sure what to make of all that. A million or two more what?
Anyway, I’d like to take this time to wish Obama a very happy retirement. I’ll go ahead and do the same for the outgoing Chancellor too.
Many thanks to Sergey for the transcript and the cool picture.
Now, on with the West!
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