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PERRIN LOVETT

~ Deo Vindice

PERRIN LOVETT

Tag Archives: gym

The Iron Plate Comedy Hour

05 Sunday Jun 2016

Posted by perrinlovett in News and Notes

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

boxing, cigars, crime, excercise, fighting, gym, Perrin Lovett

This is more of a fitness update than a funny story. Or maybe it’s visa versa. I just write the stuff…

Since returning to the land of the fit I have dropped 18 pounds (182 with shoes off) since January. I’m about the same weight I was when I graduated high school. Just as strong but older, and slower to recover, and I have to count calories, and … anyway… During college I lived in the gym. When I escaped UGA I was a solid 220 and shockingly powerful. Then came the blissful decline.

Not so long ago I weighed in at a fat and pitiful 255 lbs – that was grossly obese and just plain gross. Late in 2012 I made major changes and have lived at an appropriate weight ever since. Two summers ago I dropped into the low 170s. That was a little light, I think. I wasn’t lifting much but I lost all surface fat and flab. Anyway, again, around this New Year’s Day I found myself at 199.9 lbs. I am proud of my progress. All it takes is a little culinary discipline and time with the heavy iron things.

The other day I handled such devices. After a decent bench-press session (topping out at 275 for 5 reps [not to shabby for 182!]) I did some incline dumbbell presses. My first set was with relatively light weights but I was shaky and off-balance which I attributed to old age and fatigue. I was readying for set number two when some dude walked up and said, “you know you have two different weights there.” So I did! I’m not old and weak, just blind and inattentive. I replaced the heavier one…

Later I decided to finish up with some flyes on the peck deck machine. A real cutie of about 25-30 was using it. She politely asked me if I wanted to work in. Delirious from my previous work I mumbled “yes”. She confidently said something about having a plan. I laughed and started telling her about my foibles with mismatched weights and being old. When I finished my ramble she was gone. I hope my senile babbling didn’t interfere with her plan though I was happy to get the machine all for myself.

Today was a shoulder and arm routine followed by Judo throws (dummy) and bag work. This is excellent cardio training with an even better purpose. I was thinking about Houdini the jihadi, similar street attacks,and how to counter them. Specifically, today I was thinking about how to approach (from behind) multiple thugs beating a victim. Like this:

inusanews.com

The walking sacks of sh!t in black were part of a pack beating the white man with the ripped white shirt (their work). Several others were off camera to the right. I think this was just prior to or just after Houdini’s chase and tackle. It could have been part of the same scene; hard to piece together from the videos. This stuff is real and getting worse by the day. The question in my mind was how would a civilized man respond to such a situation (without crudely resorting to a .45ACP or a Ka-bar – not that those are bad things…).

I had to image a hapless victim. Also, lacking walking sacks of sh!t (SOS) I substituted a line of four six-foot, 200 lbs heavy bags. My plan was to approach the first one (representing the sucker throwing the sucker punch above) slightly off-center and drop a heavy left elbow to the base of the skull/neck area. Note, this is potentially lethal – do not attempt at home. Actually, a mob – even unarmed – can constitute lethal force and a victim or intervening third-party is entitled to meet force with force. Or so it was in the old America. Where was I??? I then planned to slid over to SOS number two and land a right hammer-fist on his neck. Note, these are not “sporting” moves unless, of course, the sport is thug hunting.

Executed correctly this likely would have cleared the street. The other SOS thugs were out for a little fun, not a fight with someone willing to kill from the outset. They would have scattered immediately. If not they would have likely stood stunned thus making easy pickings.

I did not execute correctly – good enough for the street but not without consequences for me in the gym. I started dead centered between my hanging SOSs when I should have been closer to the one on the left. The elbow went off without a hitch though I found myself a little off-balance and perhaps a little further forward than I should have been. I was also closer to fake SOS number two. Rather than a hammer I launched more of a backhand right side jab. This may have worked better given the shortened range. I followed it up immediately with another hard left elbow – more of a power cross than a sweep. It would have worked well, technical imperfections aside.

For the finish I stepped forward and to the side to face off with the remaining fake SOSs. I halted the drill, realizing something was off. At close range and with rapid recoil my side jab had come back and, yes, I punched myself in the mouth… It didn’t stop me from improvising an end for SOS no. 2 and I would like to think in real life I would have continued unabated with the remaining garbage.

As it was, I stopped and pondered my clumsiness. Age? Balance? Blind? What was it? I still can’t come up with an explanation other than”sometimes the bag does hit back…” I loosened a tooth just enough to solicit a drop of blood. It didn’t hurt and has already tightened back up.

Tomorrow I’m going to try to use this rambling, sad story on another hottie with a plan so as to have equipment for myself. That’s my plan.

On a less pathetic note today I received the following fine and FREE t-shirt:

_20160605_192109.JPG

The “MF” stands for “My Father” not something else… “H-2K-CT” stands for the El Centurion, Habano 2000 from My Father Cigars.

If … when I wear this shirt to the gym I’m hoping no further mishaps occur. That’s the moral of this tedious story.  Or not.

Changes and Charges: The Indicia of Delirium

18 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

gym, Perrin Lovett, technology

Last night I made my panic posts and noted my evening session at the gym. The weights and such did a lot of good even though they tired me out something fierce. They also induced a late night wakefulness of which I am none to accustomed these days.

So it was that LATE last night or early this morning I fumbled with my phone in an attempt to Google something or another (cannot even remotely remember what…). As I pecked away at the digital keyboard I got one of those silly notices about a “change for the better” or something. You know, when the phone/computer/machine decides something shall change and there is nothing to be done about it.

My keyboard changed. Previously, I had a black-lettered key pad that looked like a mini-typewriter. I was happy with it. In the blink of an insomniac eye I had a new pad – a “softer” one with borderless keys and a green smiley face. I panicked. For an hour I tried to figure out what had happened. I looked at forums. I contemplated a visit to Verizon.

Suddenly and completely unlooked for, I noticed that I liked the new presentation. It is better – easier to use. With a few smartphone adjustments I made the keys a little bigger and the image less “soft”.

PC Adviser.

No idea where I’m going with this .. wait… Yes, the moral is: never panic! At least not over the littlest of things. Sometimes Google knows best. All hail the new lords of tech. Sleeping pills have their place.

Anyway, this morning I set about looking at gym reviews. I’m preparing a move from a small city to a large city (and I’m the man who values solitude…). In addition to increased traffic, crime and pollution, my new home will feature, among other things, a wide variety of places to excercise. I’m familiar with some of them, unfamiliar with others. Thus, I Google.

There are two kinds of gym reviews. The first concerns the gym itself – facilities, hours, staff, patrons. These are generally good – 4 and 5 stars. The bad reviews always have to do with the gym’s billing service, which is always located in Utah and features no customer service whatsoever. It may be there is only one gym billing service in the whole world. I’ve dealt it maybe half a dozen times. I understand the bad reviews.

If only gym owners would improve the way debit cards are charged and memberships are canceled, then they would have nearly all 5-star reviews. Think about that. Or, not. I have to take my smartphone to the gym now. Later…

 

Tales From The Gym

14 Sunday Apr 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ Comments Off on Tales From The Gym

Tags

cardio, EFC, gym, injury, lessons, punching bag, Rule 33-7

While the rest of the world debated the application of Rule 33-7, I dragged myself to the gym today.  Over the past week I have beaten myself to a pulp.  Today was supposed to be an off day but somehow I found myself at EFC. 

Everything is going great.  My weight has been a constant 187 for a few weeks now.  My last two pair of pants are in danger of falling off.  I would feel great except for several gym-related injuries.  Last week I overdid the weights and, as a result, I have a sharp pain in both my shoulders and in my forearms at the elbow.  My knuckles are sore and my wrist is sprained thanks to the punching bag.  Actually, the sprain came from poor form on the punching bag.  But, when a 100-pound bag of sand has you in a corner, you swing away with abandon.

Master Starks and old buddy Derek will certainly appreciate the lesson learned here – a bad form injury leads to better form in the future.  It all works out for the good.  The other injuries are good too; they are proof I’m doing something right, if a bit too much too fast.

Back to the bag: I see others gingerly tapping away sometimes.  They throw cute, fast flurries of “punches” insufficient to budge the sandman.  Not me.  When I hit, I hit to harm.  When I kick, it can be fatal – at least to bags.  The afore-mentioned ass-kickers will recall long ago when I sheared the half-inch steel bolt holding up a bag clean off.  The bag slammed into an i-beam and fell dead on the floor.  That required a lot of power.  Cute and power don’t usually reside near each other.  Anyway, I ramble…

slug

(I felt sluggish… Google.)

Today when I arrived at the gym I had pre-decided against any martial arts.  As my upper body felt like diseased jello I figured a leg routine was in order.  It wasn’t.  It seems I have another bad form injury from a sidekick which has left one leg in a drastically weakened state.  Also, no matter what I did everything else hurt too.  After flopping around helplessly for half an hour and watching some 20ish year-old girl demonstrate convincingly the benefits of “kick-backs,” I headed up stairs. 

There I discovered that even crunches hurt places they ordinarily would not.  That left me with one option – cardio.  So, I limped over to an elliptical machine and, after great effort, placed myself thereon.  Then, for some unknown reason, energy kicked in.  I ellipted away for a whole hour and over 700 calories.  It may have been an all-time best for me (especially given my status). 

When I finished I had enough power to crawl to the inverter and teetered there for about ten blissful minutes.  A long steam and a shower later and I felt a whole lot better.  It’s two hours after the fact (and after lunch) and I still feel good!  That, friends, is the power of fitness! 

Maybe tomorrow morning I’ll go for my usual early workout.  Maybe I’ll be back in tip-top condition.  Maybe I’ll just sleep in and load up on Advil.  I know for certain there will be coffee.

Questions and Comments 4/6/2013 **100th Post!**

06 Saturday Apr 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in News and Notes, Other Columns

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

100 posts, 911, bacteria, bikinis, blog, buffet, churches, CIA, Cuba, drives, Easter, fat, God, gym, Hooters, jail, Karl Marx, lies, Miguel Jimenez, NFL, PGA, Secret Service, Snufus, stupid, time machine, Un

This is the 100th post here at the old blog!  Let’s have a party!

balloons

(Woo Hoo!! Google Images.)

Even with the 100 posts, I’ve only used a little less than 1% of my existing space here so the party will continue for many years.  I will be going “pro” soon, with major upgrades, which I think include even more memory.  Look forward to a lifetime of Perrin’s mad rants.

You may have gathered that yesterday’s post was cut short in mid draft.  It was; I wrapped it up where it was and published.  The legal profession called and I had to answer.  Two of my friends learned the hard way why you never want to call 911 nor talk to the police.  I spent the afternoon trying unsuccessfully to have a warrant recalled and the night getting someone out of the Government Hotel.  I got home from the jail (and the grocery store…) around midnight.  Do not talk to the police!  They arrest people.

When I arrived at Casa Lovett I found a visitor sleeping in the kitchen.  For a week our family is hosting Snuffus, the Guinea Pig, from my daughter’s class.  I was informed this morning that he is a she and is not named Snufus.  I like “Snufus” but I will call her a her from now on.  I’ll try to post some pictures.  Does anyone have any good stew recipes???

Well, I thought you might have some weekend questions and I happen to have a bunch of comments.  I also have some questions of my own.  Heeeere we go:

If fat makes you mad, that might explain why Young Un is the maddest SOB in North Korea.  Ehhh?

The South Korean press reports that dear leader Kim J. UnUsual cuts his own hair … with a sling-blade.

Little Kimmy reportedly said when he grows up he wants to be the communist idol of his dreams, Barry Sotoro.

Anyone know what the range of hampster-wheel powered ICBMs is?

If Krazy K. actually nuked Washington, D.C., would anyone miss it?

Would we be obliged to give him a medal or a gym membership?

What’s the uproar about these four gay football players?  The whole NFL has been “out” for several years now…

NFL commissioner Roger Goodywell has decreed the game will no longer involve contact; accordingly, they have ordered several thousand pink flags.

Lauren Silberman admitted she “threw” her kicking audition upon learning none of the cute guys at the combine were straight.

Starting next year the Super Bowl will be henceforth known as the “Stellar Stupendous Basin Thingy.”

Mike Rice, recently relieved of his job, has also been banned from all NFL stadiums for life.

Bubba “General Hover Lee” Watson is the Thomas Edison of the PGA.

Michael Phelps has taken up golf; he wants his clubs measured by ounces or grams, not simple numbers.

The Augusta “Big Tent” Hooters hosts TWO!! bikini contests Masters week.  Did you know that?

Miguel Angel Jimenez is the manliest man to ever grace a golf course!  Any dispute?  Good.

Miguel-Angel-Jimenez-cigar_2637345

(The. Man.  You can’t hang, go home.  Google.)

Bill Clinton has founded the Young Beaver Cigar Company, with the logo: “Smoke a Beaver!”

You secretly like old Bill, don’t you?

Little Barry started smoking cigars, Alec Bradley’s to be exact, instead of cigarettes; he abruptly stopped when he realised it’s the “Maxx” not the “Marx.”

Barry’s native village witch doctor has successfully contacted Karl Marx in hell via a séance.  He is expected to join the cabinet soon as an economic analyst.

With Obama, Biden, and Kerry at the helm, why worry about North Korea?

Urban Moving Systems is back in business.  Their new jingle is called We Move at Free Fall Speed. 

In related news, Larry Silverstein has leased and quintuple insured the Sears Tower.

Any truth to the rumor Benedict Arnold was a CIA provocateur?

A forty-story skyscraper in Chechnya completely burned on all floors last week without collapsing neatly into its own footprint at free fall speed.  The entire Chechnyan people have been declared terrorists.

If a poor goat-herder stumbles upon a poppy plant and there are no CIA agents around, is he still an enemy combatant?

If you believe anything the government reports, please email me for your $1000 100th post gala tickets (no refunds).

Is it only that Democrats from California are ugly, or does being a California Democrat make you ugly?

Dianne Feinstein is so ugly, roaches use her picture to scare away pests.

Removing Republicans from the statistics raises the average I.Q. thirty points, while curing “Low-T” completely.

Whatever became of the GOP “Wide Stance” Club??

In response to the recent bribe scandal in New York, Michael “Soda Jerk” Bloomberg has banned pepperoni pizzas…

Mark Sanford was nominated this week for a South Carolina Congressional Seat but was unable to comment.  Seems he was hiking on the AT.

Bill Clinton also announced he was going hiking at the same time.  A conspiracy?

Why does the Secret Service redact the Argentine sex-offenders list?

John Boehner says he will keep smoking but is expected to cave later.

Jay Z can stay in Cuba but I want Beyonce back … with Partagas Serie Ds.

The bigger she gets, the more Kim Kardashian reminds me of Michelle O.  See it?

If America gets any more obese, will we have to make AlGore our King?

I saw a fat chick in the gym this morning.  Just kidding.

The Golden Trough buffet chain has announced they will replace the bacteria ridden chocolate fountain with a pure fat waterfall.

Bigger King executives wanted to introduce a Quadruple Whooper but they couldn’t configure enough defibrillators in their restaurants.  Darn physics…

The Miss America Padgett will have to reinforce the stage to prevent a collapse if trends continue.  They will also have to replace the swimsuit round with a car cover round.

Given the demand and Medicare reimbursements, Freightliner and Volvo trucks have announced they will stop producing semis and switch their assembly lines to fat scooter production.

46% of American drivers report confusing the brake and gas petals though all report they can deftly drift lanes while cellphone jibbering.

Given American road traffic, why not spare us the obsolescence of accelerators?

People need governments, like governments needs guns.

If guns kill people, how did Abel die?

The car wash manager asked me to keep my pistol in the car as it offended and frightened his resident panhandlers and muggers.

A fat ugly woman at an anti-gun rally said she would rather be raped than shoot a rapist.  As if she’d have the chance.

Did Barack Obama intend the greatest gun salesman in history?

When asked to identify North Korea on a map, 50% of American high school students responded they though math was discriminatory.

Should American high schools just as well replace graduations with sentencings?

A third grader who brought a butter knife to school in her lunch box was arrested when it was discovered she could spell.

Will you really trust your government-educated grandchildren to change your diapers and manage your affairs in a few years?

The government has tentatively discovered a way to re-employ younger Americans in factories so as to shore up Social Security for baby boomers.  Does anyone know where they can come by a time machine?

Do all traffic intersections play hip hop music nowadays or is it a mass coincidence?

American churches reported the lowest level of Easter services attendance in history recently.  When asked if He was concerned, God said it was just as well.

If pollen was a source of fuel and food, we’d be set for millenia.

And lastly,

Who the heck is Honey Boo Boo?  And, do the Republicans plan to put her on Jeb’s 2016 ticket?

That’s all for this afternoon.  Thanks for 100 great readerships.  Keep up the good work and I will too!

How I Lost Over 40 Pounds, Etc., Part II.

23 Saturday Feb 2013

Posted by perrinlovett in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Arnold Schwarzenegger, benefits, big guns, bodybuilding, cardio, embarrassing, Evans Fitness Center, exercise, fat, fitness, fun, girls, gut, gym, happiness, inversion table, joints, machines, pants, sauna, spine, steam room, stretching, weights

This is the second installment (third really) on my recent weight loss and permanent health kick.  I encourage all of you to get physical and fit.  It makes a world of difference in one’s daily life, everything seems easier and a little more fun!

I keep singing the praises of Evans Fitness Center (EFC), http://www.evansfitnessclub.com/, here in my local area.  I spoke with their management today about the blog, my comments, and the possibility of my appearance in one of those “before and after” photo testimonial things.  The girls especially seem interested in the latter part.

efc_logo

(Source: EFC website).

If you don’t live in metro-Augusta, Georgia, then I hope you have a good facility nearby.  I have seem clubs as impressive as EFC but they are RARE.  Any club could do in theory, though I have found that an excellent, first class environment lends itself to keeping one motivated and inspired.

I joined EFC in December when they first opened.  They even have a 30-day free trial!  At the time I had already lost maybe 20 pounds due to my change in dietary habits.  As I have written before, I was nervous about going to any gym.  In the past I have usually hurt myself while trying to do too much too fast or have just lost interest.  A lot of clubs are not interesting.  Neither was the case at EFC. 

First, I just can’t say enough about the quality of this place.  They have a filter thing that refills your water bottle, free towels, and so many other perks I can’t list them all.  Everything was done right.  Second, I really wanted to get back into shape, and so, I used my brain for a change and worked my way into the program.  By the way, this here is not a “program” like those on TV.  If it were, you’d see me on the idiot box hawking it to some hip-hop beat surrounded by hot babes.  Hmmmmmmm???????

Anyway, for me the right way was slow and cautious, especially with weights.  If you want a great guide to exercising with weights, pick up a copy of Arnold’s Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding, http://www.amazon.com/The-New-Encyclopedia-Modern-Bodybuilding/dp/0684857219.  The name may sound intimidating was may seem some of the pictures and described routines.  I used the old model in my glory days.  It works.  However, you need not be a hardcore Mr./Mrs. Olympia candidate to benefit from the guide.  Consider it an education.  Arnold covers literally everything about conditioning every muscle of the body in tremendous detail.  Use what you need, no more.  If you’ve never worked out before or it has been a while, a personal trainer can help you.  Find one that suits your needs and disposition.

I’ll simply, here, divide weight training into three categories: free weights (to include plate-weighted machines); weight stack machines; and cable/pulley weights.  These last two are my description names.

I started with the stack machines and light free weights.  I now incorporate all three into my routine based on what I’m trying to do.  EFC, like many good gyms, has multiple areas for all of these types.

Regardless of what I use I try to adhere to some simple procedures.  First, I break my days up my the muscles I hit.  Generally it works like this: Day 1, arms and shoulders; Day 2, back and chest; Day 3, legs.  I do abdominal exercises everyday (or try to).  Along with abs I work all “core” muscles, those around the middle of the torso.  Many people make the mistake of building a strong stomach while neglecting their lower back and sides.  This leads to imbalance and possible painful problems.  Work them all together and equally.

My gut was the most embarrassing visual part of the old me.  Personally, the worst thing was the lack of energy for daily tasks.  It was the gut that everyone saw.  I must admit I  worked my way up to size 44 pants, and they were getting tight!  I just bought some 38s and they are already loose.  I went from the last notch on my belt to the other last notch, then I had to drill a new (good) last notch, then another.  I am cheap, poor, and I have good belts to begin with.  I will buy new ones when these fall apart.

Once a week or so I work on my neck.  The neck usually gets flexed while doing shoulder and other exercises.  I concentrate on it specifically for an extra boost.  I have … excuse me, had, neck problems.  Building up the muscles that support the head and stretching them have eliminated most of my problems.  A word of warning!  The neck is sensitive and extra care should be used when working it, I go EXTRA light and easy with my neck.  Be careful, you spine is kind of important!

The second simple procedure I follow is the amount of effort I give each particular movement or exercise.  Let’s say I’m doing bicep curls (for the big guns!).  I try to do three separate sets of ten repetitions of this exercise.  With lighter weights I will go for 15 to 20 reps – this builds definition.  If I’m trying to “shock” the biceps I will pyramid my way up in weights and may sacrifice the total number of reps on the heavier sets. 

I also do multiple types of work for each muscle or muscle group.  In Muscle and Fitness Magazine, I read, a long time ago, some great advice: “Everything works, but nothing works for long.”  You have to vary it up to keep the progress and fun going.  This also depends on what you are trying to accomplish.  Serious weight-lifters go through cycles of heavy weight, light weight, no weight, etc. to reach their goals.  My goal is a lean, muscular look, like Christian Bale’s Batman/Bruce Wayne.  You have a different goal, you’ll figure it out in time.

By the way, I stretch constantly to keep the muscles I working loose.  After I pump iron I go upstairs and do some form of “cardio” work.  This is what most people associate with burning fat, and it does.  It also plays with your heart-rate and workload, hence the name “cardio.”  Again, you need to figure out, maybe with expert help, what you’re trying to do.  Jacking your heart rate through the roof might strengthen your heart (or kill you) but it might not be the best way to burn fat.  My approach is easy.  I use either the elliptical machine, treadmill, or stationary bike (usually the elliptical) for my needs.  I go for 10 to 30 minutes depending on how I feel and how much time I have.  These modern machines track everything: calories burned, time, heart-rate, etc.  I’m more concerned with calories but I closely monitor the other factors.  It all depends.  Trial and error folks.

The last thing I do before I leave the gym floor is stretch.  This when I get to do my favorite exercise of all – hanging upside-down on the inversion table.  I try to do it for 3 to 5 minutes or longer.  I stretches out everything and decompresses the spine and joints – literally reversing gravity.  Sleeping at night decompresses the joints – this goes beyond.  I can’t say enough about this so I will leave much to your imagination.

inversin table

(The greatest invention of all time.  Source: Google Images).

Depending on how much time I have I end the workout with a trip to the steam room or the sauna or both.  Both do the same thing – they make you sweat.  Steam, while having a lower temperature, works faster – instantly, in fact.  The sauna is hotter but, as a dry heat, it takes a short while to start working.  The benefits to both are numerous.  They are very relaxing (once you get used to the oven-like experience).  They work wonders on sore muscles and joints.  And, they help you shed excess water.  Sweating eliminates toxins and gunk from the body.  Just remember to keep drinking water to put back what you need.  Again, water is supremely important both to life and weight loss.  Water is your friend.

Well friends, that’s what I do.  This is a great over-simplification.  Again, you will just have to jump in and see what works for you.  Seek professional guidance as needed.  My main point here is to inspire and share what can be accomplished.  Go get em, tigers!

Perrin Lovett

From Green Altar Books, an imprint of Shotwell Publishing

From Green Altar Books, an imprint of Shotwell Publishing

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