Category Archives: Other Columns

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Find the Right Cigar Shop

23 Tuesday Aug 2016

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This is a pet subject of mine. I’ve written about it before several times. In my older article, Proper Cigar Etiquette I offered a brief glimpse of what helps make a great cigar shop great. Several chapters of the Happy Little Cigar Book are so dedicated and I even offer a short list of recommended shops.

America is a large place and, thankfully, filled with many, many decent to excellent tobacco houses and bars. The only way to really cover them all would be with a Fordor’s-style travel guide. That would take a while to put together though I am open to the idea. If I solicit you as part of a crowd-funding effort, please contribute. Hmmm… I might have to do a volume about shops in Europe too…

Anyway, for now, here are some generic ideas for picking the right shop. For starters, let’s examine some of the wrong shops.

What To Avoid

Not every place that sells tobacco in general, even to include cigars, is a real cigar shop. Think of it as CIGAR SHOP®. You’re looking for a pleasant experience. I’ll cover what to do if you’re on the road and have to settle – that comes a little later.

If one Googles “cigar shop” one will get all sorts of establishments advertising themselves as such when, in reality, they are not. I once looked up a shop at a beach resort. I drove to it and only then discovered it was a discount cigarette outlet in a scummier part of town. I left and did without. I have tips below on avoiding that mistake.

A good shop will sell cigars and pipe tobacco and little else. A few sell a limited selection of high-end “natural” cigarettes. Most of the better shops completely prohibit cigarette smoking for aroma issues.

Look out for hookahs. Again, I have been in fine shops that have offered a small selection of hookahs for sale. However, if the pipes are out and smoking, that is a bad sign. Most establishments will not allow hookahs and the … uh … hookah people associated with them.

Similarly, a good shop will forbid the sale or use of glass pipes, bongs, and other narcotic -esque paraphernalia. If you’re looking for a head shop, find one. Or, just hang out on the street and meet a local dealer. Don’t bother the smokers.

Pool tables also have no place around cigars. One might fit in a back room but usually not. The tables, along with darts, video and gambling games attract a certain element. How shall I put this? They attract trash. There. Avoid them. Sure, you might enjoy darts and such at the sports pub but the same does not belong around a tobacconist.

Loud, boisterous, and obnoxious people/crowds can ruin the cigar experience. At a special event or on a very busy night the volume may be up; it should not be the norm. If you can’t plainly speak with and understand the fellow sitting next to you, something is wrong.

It’s also wrong to have children in a cigar shop. I don’t mean having them stand by the door while you run in the humidor, only to leave in a minute. I once went to a shop and bought a few sticks. I was about to light up when the shop-keep asked me not to as her young daughter was present. A little girl was coloring in the smoking lounge. I left.

The afore-mentioned trash will sometimes amble in pushing a baby carriage or shepherding toddlers. This is awkward and inappropriate. The same types are usually asking for chemicals to beat drug tests, glass pipes, or weed. The employees of a good shop will soon ask them to leave. If people like that are humored, you may be in the wrong place.

Smoking Not Allowed?

I’ve been in a few places with a great selection and none of the problems listed above where one cannot light up. Most of these stores are in places like malls that prohibit smoking in general. It’s okay to purchase from these and then leave. There’s no reason to stay.

There are some shops which have acquiesced to smoking bans. There is an entire city in my neck of the woods where all smoking is prohibited. The local cigar shops did nothing to prevent the ban. None of the owners even bothered showing up at the government planning meetings. They did that to themselves. There is no reason to support such places.

Worst of all are the shops where the owner just doesn’t want smoking inside. This seems oxymoronic and it is. Do not patronize these idiots.

So, where does one find a good shop? There is trial and error, which will eventually lead to happy success. One can always consult with a veteran. Then there’s the internet:

IPCPR Listings

The  International Premium Cigar & Pipe Retailers Association (IPCPR) is to cigars what the NRA or the SAF is to firearms. They maintain a website of preferred retailers at this website. A few easy clicks and one has access to hundreds of better shops from sea to smoking sea. You can find a shop near you, wherever you are.

Things to Look For

A good location. A shop should be accessible and offer ample parking. It should not be in a part of town where patrons are at risk of mugging.

Selection. Everyone has a favorite stick or two. Sometimes one can’t find them. However, a good shop should have enough alternatives to please the average smoker. These, of course, must be kept properly humidified and stored at the proper temperature.

Staff. The people who work in a shop should be (must be) friendly, helpful, and knowledgeable.

Lounge. The hallmark of a great shop is its lounge or lounges. These should feature comfortable seats and plenty of ashtrays, lighters, and cutters. Some places even offer mini conference centers for working smokers (like writers). All good shops have wi-fi. They also have a system that will clear most of the smoke out while maintaining air conditioning.

Cigar Bars. Cigar bars are extremely popular. Some offer only beer and wine while others have full bars. Take advantage of this perk responsibly.

Television. I hate TV in general but most shops have them. They are not always on (good thing for me). However, when they are on, there is a protocol for what’s playing. The acceptable programming is (in no particular order): news, business news, sports (golf first unless it’s football season). If a movie is aired it should be the equivalent of an old John Wayne movie. Do not accept Dr. Phil, Oprah, or any unmanly programming.

Hours. These vary greatly. Traditional stores and those in smaller markets often are open 10 AM – 6 or 8 PM on weekdays. Bigger shops and those with bars are frequently open past midnight. Some open extra early for the coffee crowd.

Women. Cigar shops are by and large the realm of men. That said, many shops employ ladies and many women enjoy cigars. Not that you really have a choice but try to find company like this:

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Davidoff Tampa – literally all of my advice rolled together.

Alternatives for the Road or to Get By

Sometimes there are no proper shops around. Then there are the times the shops are closed. There are still places you can find cigars:

Liquor stores. These usually have limited but decent selections. Some even have humidors.

Drug Stores. Behind the front counter there should be a few smokes. You will have to screen these for quality. It is an option.

Grocery Stores. Some carry a few cigars and some of those are pretty good. Many carry individual humidity controlled sticks. Look around the customer service desk.

Gas Stations. Usually these are dead ends. However, some stations in trendy or high-end vacation areas may carry cigars. the same goes for old-fashioned news stands (if you can find them).

Internet Options

This is a touchy subject in cigar-land but, hey, I’m a touchy guy. Don’t use these at the expense of your local shop, especially if you have a good one. Online retailers are based in better tax jurisdictions and thus can offer lower prices. These might come in handy if you need to make a large purchase.

One can also go online guilt-free when there isn’t a quality shop in your area or if you need something your shop doesn’t stock. For this option I recommend my friends at Cigars City.

To recap: Avoid the trash and the druggies. Seek out quality selection and good company in a comfortable environment. No matter where you are, the cigars are probably right around the corner.

Happy smoking!

Perrin

Updated January 5, 2017: From The Tampa Humidor!

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BLM and My ATL SJW Experience, LOL

22 Monday Aug 2016

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Years ago, new into my legal career, I was eager to help as many people as possible. I was also active in a wonderful church. I consider a particular church “good” if it: is faithful to the Gospel and the early traditions of The Church; is led my a personable yet strict priest, and; is composed of decent parishioners. These things usually go together but not always. Sometimes they are all lacking – a bad church.

Anyway, I volunteered constantly in a variety of ways, to include a little pro bono legal counseling when necessary. My success and happiness led me to contact Catholic Social Services of Atlanta. I thought that there, with them, I could help the maximum number of people. I wasn’t just thinking law either.

By telephone I spoke with a director of something, a jovial enough seeming woman. We agreed to meet one afternoon and discuss what they were doing and how I could help.

We met at a fast food place somewhere between Marietta and Woodstock; I can’t remember exactly. At first the meeting seemed to go well as she told me about what she did and the organizations needs de jure. I then took the opportunity to explain my philosophies and what I thought I could do to help.

Some of our brief conversation centered on race and how a large portion of Services clients were lower-income blacks in the city. I took that as a cue for me to speak my mind on the subject. I said something along the lines that Dr. King had wanted to raise everyone up together – all races improving in harmony to accomplish new wonders. That is what he wanted, his dream.

I then noted how the government and various interests had done everything possible to give the appearance of integration while insidiously conspiring to lower all people down past the current lowest denominator. That was how you could have black mayors, city councilors and legislators (no Barack at that time), and black celebrities and executives and still have a hopelessly mired black underclass. Worse, I went on, the system was dragging down whites and everyone else.

Helping everyone shake off oppression and rise up was my goal, I told her. It was obviously the wrong thing. I said some other stuff but I had lost her. It was clear that I did not, would not, fit the agenda.

I’m guessing she was an SJW – a shrieker interested in prolonging problems in order to keep her job and to have something to shriek about. The thought of actually solving the problems horrified her as did my criticism of the government and the “system”.

I know now that CSS is an SJW organization. Sure, your local office may be honestly interested in helping society. But the big city branches and the national front are only interested in advancing a liberal, anti-American, anti-freedom agenda. They are deep into a host of social problems including, but not limited to, importing radical Islam into America and the West. It’s as big a scandal as the sex abuse cover-ups. It needs to be rooted out.

Heck no, I wasn’t a good fit. Our meeting ended awkwardly. They never returned my calls. I suppose we were better off without each other.

Then, today, I read about a racial attack in Cleveland, Ohio. It brought the above back to memory.

It seems that a group of seven young white men were walking the street when they were attacked by a gang (also of seven) who chanted “Black Lives Matter!” The gang beat down the walkers and then robbed them and ran off. The chant was a mere cover call for robbery – nothing to do with social justice at all.

Interestingly, the gang was interracial – five blacks and two whites. See their mug shots (six of the seven have been arrested):

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News 19, Cleveland.

How wonderful! Black and white thugs coming together! Post racial America at its finest.

This is exactly what I was talking about twelve (?) years ago. Thirteen? (Long time). Instead of coming together for something positive, too often the races unite for debased criminality. This incident is not anomalous. It is pathetic.

I also find the success of a numerically even odds encounter a little strange. I suppose the victims were seven modern American men – weak. Then again, maybe they were all surprised. Maybe weapons were involved. Still, I’m not entirely sure I could have taken the whole gang alone but I know I could have at least made a dent in them.

Wouldn’t it be great if people would wise up and act civilized? Just act it if they can’t be it. Wouldn’t it be great if decent people fought back? I’m done with trying to “help” through corrupt organizations. Now I will just bring stories like this to your attention. Those who can make good out of it will. I’m helping.

In the near future (soon, soon, I promise) I’ll have my personal anti-terrorism book out. The main title is, for now, Fight Back! It will cover protecting oneself from ISIS agents as well as from street thugs like the above-pictured ramble.

We also need to fight back against those who have actively worked to retard society and lower all groups into helpless victim-hood and misery. They’re as bad as ISIS or worse.

 

Diary of a Wimpy Nation; My Old Man Would Take Exception

21 Sunday Aug 2016

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A friend turned me on to a piece from National Review about the decline of male strength in America. This trend appears tp coincide with the rise of obesity and other negative indicia.

If you’re the average Millennial male, your dad is stronger than you are. In fact, you may not be stronger than the average Millennial female. You’re exactly the kind of person who in generations past had your milk money confiscated every day — who got swirlied in the middle-school bathroom. The very idea of manual labor is alien to you, and even if you were asked to help, say, build a back porch, the task would exhaust you to the point of uselessness. Welcome to the new, post-masculine reality.

Let that sink in. Our young men are no stronger than our women. If you’re a young hipster, pokemon addict, your dad is stronger than you. I’m a proud, jaded Gen-Xer and I kind of know what that’s like. My dad was always stronger than me (until shortly before he died). That however was freak genetics; if I was Batman strong, he was the Incredible Hulk. Hell, his nickname in the gym was “Earthquake”.

The Review is talking about “men” who have become so feminized as to shun all physicality. One thing led to another and I found myself reading a story from the New York Times: 27 Ways to be a Modern Man. It’s actually pretty good until the end.

My thoughts on a few of the wayward of the 27 ways:

13) I don’t listen to Wu-Tang. Then again, musical tastes vary greatly. That may just be personal.

17) Really? A melon baller? I guess this is New York based advice.

20) I had to look up this spoon business. At first I though they were talking about snuff. They were not.

23) I don’t know who Michael Mann is and I’m not checking.

25) This is a dead giveaway the author is a liberal sissy. A gun does not make a man but, like any tool, a man may find uses for one. This is also a odds with number 16.

26) Men may cry but they don’t do it often. I last cried when my daughter was born.

All  cry and no gun? These are modern “men” they’re describing. Probably obese and weak as any woman. I suspect the women are weaker too and they are definitely getting bigger. Grab any farm wife from 1880s Kansas and I bet she could beat up half the recruits at Paris Island today.

I could give advice like:

Get a gun or at least learn how one works;

Wear a belt and closed toe shoes;

Hit the gym, toughen up and lose some fat;

Carry a pocketknife;

Carry a handkerchief too;

Limit the video games;

Buy my books;

Smoke a cigar;

Offend an SJW intentionally and never apologize;

Read a book;

etc. – a 1000 etcs.

But, advice is a dangerous gift to give. Wait, I did just throw some out. Live dangerous, be a man.

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All this got me thinking about the old man. At one time he held all the Georgia masters powerlifting records. I tried to find them but could not (easily). I’ll just estimate from memory: Bench – 455 lbs; Squat – 635; Deadlift – 585. These were “equipped” and from a 300-pounder. Still he was about 55 when he set them. Usually lifted wearing a “When it absolutely, positively has to be destroyed overnight” USMC t-shirt. He was smart too.

It’s not all brawn. A man should use his brain muscles too. I’ll leave you with that.

Not A Cowboys Fan

20 Saturday Aug 2016

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But I could be.

The other day I was talking to a friend at the club. He’s an MSU alumnus. He was seated below a picture of a departed friend, an avid Dallas Cowboys fan (buried in a jersey avid).

Those two things turned into this post when I read about Dak Prescott’s stellar performance in the preseason. He was a steal as a fourth-round pick. He’s not just going to back up Romo, he’s going to vie every week for starter.

Every time I think about writing off the NFL someone pulls me back. This year it’s number 4.

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Todayspigskin.com.

Hail State! and whatever the Cowboys cheer is.

 

Perrin’s 80s Music Madness

19 Friday Aug 2016

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It’s a rainy night in the Morgul Vale and I’m feeling sort of sappy – had that nostalgic feeling all week. Anyway, here’s a YouTube 80s playlist for your perusal. No particular order or theme. Enjoy the Geico ads.

BTT80s

1.21 Gigawatts. guerillawire.

  1. Eddie Money, I Wanna Go Back. 1986. Perfect kickoff song; Can’t beat the money man.
  2. The Romantics, One In A Million. 1983. You know who she is.
  3. Genesis, Turn It On Again. 1980. I need a radio show.
  4. Randy Newman, It’s Money That Matters. 1988. Yeah, Knopfler on guitar.
  5. Ramones, Pet Sematary. 1989. Understand every third word.
  6. Wall of Voodoo, Mexican Radio. 1982. Barbecued iguana.
  7. Dead Kennedy’s, Holiday in Cambodia. 1978 (close enough). Pol Pot!
  8. Social Distortion, Ball and Chain. 1990 (ditto). Been there, done that.
  9. Smithereen’s, Behind the Wall of Sleep. 1986. Think I’ve seen her.
  10. Joan Jett, Bad Reputation. 1981. Need a girl on the list? Needs to be Joan Jett.

Bonus (70s): Steely Dan, Midnight Cruiser. 1972.

Double Bonus (neither 80s nor pop/rock):  Marty Robbins, Running Gun. 1959.

Super Bonus: Dvorak, Symphony No. 9. 1893. Classical with a twerkin’ twist.

That’s it. No politicians were harmed in this post (Kennedy’s don’t count – already dead)…

Cigar Survival: Luxury Even In Emergency

19 Friday Aug 2016

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The cigar community and the prepper/survivalist community overlap somewhat. I would know; I write professionally for both. Not all preppers smoke cigars but many (a majority maybe) of cigar enthusiasts engage in some form of survival activities whether they think so or not. These tend to be employed or self-employed professionals of one sort or another. Most have something worth protecting. Most are conservative or libertarian leaning.

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I’ve found that gun culture and the cigar hobby are almost synonymous. If you’re in a cigar shop lounge, odds are someone around you is carrying. It’s also likely that someone there is woefully out of shape. A little less food and drink would benefit many the cigar aficionado.

Something else to benefit the clique is a consideration of how the hobby might be impacted by an emergency situation. Everyone enjoys a good cigar or they should. What happens when or if the grid goes down? It doesn’t have to be a total collapse. An ice storm or a flood or a house fire can place the cigar lover in dire straits.

If the problem is only temporary, then most will be okay. Most cigar men (we’re mostly men) keep a stocked humidor at the house. Two or three days stranded there will deplete the box.

What happens if the house burns down, cigars and all? Or, if there is cause to flee the house. Or one is trapped on the road in an emergency. Or if the two or three days turns out to be months. These are worth thinking about and preparing against.

Why Does It Matter?

Most cigar guys smoke cigars to relax. Remaining calm is important to any survival situation. If one is to be inconvenienced for a long time (or short), it makes sense to have a few sticks on hand to ease the tension. No, it’s not critical but it may be a luxury you might want. It’s easy to take care of if you plan it out.

The Cigars.

If at all possible you should stock your favorites for the SHTF scenario. However, if the pickings are slim, you may have to compromise or be willing to do without.

In the event that no proper storage or humidification is available, you might consider choices that you wouldn’t otherwise. A really good quality might suffer dramatically from a prolonged lack of care. Others, usually cheaper makes, might do better. Their lower quality might actually be a long-term benefit. Think about that as a measure to just to get by.

However, hopefully you will pre-plan a little and not be left with drugstore smokes. There are a few items which can help you grab and go. Storage and portability is the key here.

Storage.

Xikar and a few other manufacturers make travel cases, fortified humidors with handles. Here’s a larger model:

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That one will hold a lot of sticks – maybe 80. It was specifically designed to keep smokes safe and happy while traveling. It even works in the poorly pressurized holds of commercial airliners (that’s what the little knob next to the handle is for). That model costs about $100 but there are smaller and less expensive ones available. Some hold a mere 5 – 10 cigars and would be perfect for your bug-out bag or your car.

If you have to you can simply keep the cigars in a zip-lock bag with a humidity pillow:

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If need be a dampened paper towel will suffice for humidification. Tap water should be shunned though it might not really matter in a dire emergency – do what you have to.

Tools.

If you have the smokes, they’re still useless without cutting and lighting apparati. A good cutter and a torch will easily fit in your bag. It’s not a bad idea to have a fire starter of some kind anyway (critical, really). Keep the fire simple as the main thing you want is reliability. Also think about keeping a little extra fuel.

The cutter could be as simple as a pocket knife or a multi-tool, also things no prepper should be without. If push comes to bite, one can do just that – bite the cap off with your teeth.

Other Considerations.

The biggest thing to remember is to keep your priorities straight. I said this is a luxury. that’s true anytime but especially in case of emergencies. Water, food, shelter, and safety are all more important. Enjoying a Habano should be one of the last things you prepare for.

Also your situation might preclude smoking even if you can technically do it. Cigars do give off a delicious, rich smoke. I’m sure you’ve had nice people praise the smell and that you remind them of so-and-so; jerks and busybodies will tell you it stinks. The point is it does generate smoke and smoke travels. If you want to remain concealed, you might not want to give off a smoke signal.

As with anything else, here, a little planning can go a long way. Yes, one could survive without the joy of cigars. Why do that if there’s an alternative? I say survive in style.

Just Keep Hammering

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

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This morning I woke on time and actually felt good, great maybe. I plugged away for about three hours and then it hit me – a sluggishness with an underlying sick feeling. I suspect it might be the coffee and the powdered doughnut I drank and ate conspiring with or against my summertime diet. I think they call it a sugar crash or something. Then there’s the threat that’s been brewing in the back of my mind for three days.

I’m going to keep going. A real breakfast and a trip to the gym (arms and shoulders today) will cure the tiredness. I specialize in dark threats; soon that brooding menace in my mind will be worrying about me.

Moving on is all you can do. With anything.

Nearly fifteen years ago I was in D.C. I was standing in a ballroom at the Mayflower talking to Steve Forbes. He had just given an inspirational address on the sorry state of our monetary policies. Then, as now and ever, those policies are ruinous. His inspiration came from how he approached the topic.

Even a connected and educated billionaire is a small thing when set against the monolithic evil of central banking. He was (and is) in the know, understanding more acutely than most what’s wrong and what it is doing to our country. He knows the windmills must be tilted though failure seems assured.

I asked him what we, any of us, could do to make a difference. He answer was amazingly simple, “Just keep hammering away.” He told me it wasn’t really about winning (though that would be nice); it’s about the fight, about doing what’s right no matter the outcome. Just because they’re evil and they keep winning doesn’t mean we retreat or concede – ever.

For old times sake, let me now wield that hammer: the Federal Reserve, its practices, its supporters, and beneficiaries are all pure evil. They are the bane of freedom. They need to be destroyed. There, I got that out of the way for the morning.

Now it’s time to cure my coffee hangover.

You? You just keep hammering away at whatever it is you’re facing today.

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Photo by Penny Mathews/Getty.

 

*Ads ahead: caution…

In The Dark

16 Tuesday Aug 2016

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The vanishing night sky. According to the New York Times 80% of Americans cannot see the Milky Way due to light pollution from cities. The Times Story centers on the interesting efforts of two small Colorado towns to save what’s left of their evening star field.

So for more than a decade, the two towns and a local dark-sky nonprofit have been dialing down the dimmer switch. They have replaced streetlights and passed rules requiring that outdoor lights point down. The group built a small observatory with star guides who tee up its telescope and take people on a tour of the night. They coax homeowners to hood their porch lamps or dim a bright light outside their house.

“People out of ignorance go with whatever’s cheap or whatever’s brightest,” said Ed Stewart, a board member of the local dark-sky group. “You multiply that by 200, 300, and there goes the sky.”

Man has two needs for nighttime lights: one being of necessity (we’re busy these days), the other of primal fear of the dark. I understand the need to see in order to do things after hours though I have never shared the fear. I like the night. I like the stars in the sky.

I like in between two of those places where one can’t really see anything of the stars. One or two (or two hundred) may be visible through the haze of city lights. Clearer, cooler, less humid weather helps. But even when one things the view is pretty good, it isn’t.

I grew up just outside of a small town. Then I could see many more stars than now though the glow of the town consumed half the western view. It’s like that now except the glow is all around with a few stars peeking out here and there. That’s most people’s experience.

I’ve had the luxury of being in the middle of nowhere, either the sea or way out west – not far from those Colorado towns. Out there, miles from development, one can see everything. The view is so clear one can even make out satellites as they pass around the Earth. It’s amazing.

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Times story photo (edited).

I was far away nearly twenty years ago and I remember stopping my car to look at the stars. I saw the Hale-Bopp comet pass overhead. The next morning I read about the Heaven’s Gate nuts in California. Their’s was a different experience; they vanished like the sky.

Still, this modern problem has some pretty easy fixes. One need not move from the city (though that might not be a bad idea) for a clear view. Those small towns are on to something. Lights can be adjusted and we don’t really need that many of them. No fear. Nothing really goes bump in the dark other than the satellites and shooting stars. The stars actually provide a pale light, usually enough to see by. The moon adds to it. It’s not so bad, or so dark, in the dark.

Walking in America

14 Sunday Aug 2016

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This morning I was nostalgic about something. Couldn’t quite put my finger on it. In an effort to clear and search my mind I went out a few places and, before heading home, took a stroll in the park. I enjoyed myself but it didn’t help my thinking. Honestly, it added more questions and a slight sense of revulsion. After tour among the people I have a few questions for Americans. Most of these are not for my readership in general but rather the population at large.

  1. Why my park? Why Sunday afternoon?
  2. Do you ever tire of being so fat?
  3. There are about 60,000 diet books and plans out there. Ever thought of trying one?
  4. If you had to (to save your life) run a mile right now, could you?
  5. When was the last time you picked up something heavier than a 12 oz. can?
  6. Have you ever read a book, cover to cover?
  7. Why the sulking look on your faces?
  8. Why the shifty looks? Why be scared?
  9. Why the angry looks? I’m not scared.
  10. Did you put any thought at all into that outfit?
  11. Do you own any closed-toe shoes?
  12. Ever heard of a thing called a belt? They make ’em in fat sizes.
  13. People born ugly can’t help it. Others have to work at it. Why the effort?
  14. Why are you so loud?
  15. How many tattoos are enough?
  16. Do you really think the rest of us are supposed to take responsibility for your kids?
  17. Where’s the baby daddy? Even know who he is?
  18. You do know living dirty will kill you prematurely, right?
  19. You’re not even having fun with it, are you?
  20. Your appearance is your business. Yet, why trash up the community?
  21. You seem to like getting in the way, especially in a careless way, even to the point of “accidental” contact. How do you feel about being shoved to the ground?
  22. Your driving is terrible. Do you care at all about others on the road?
  23. Exactly to what extent do you feel entitled? And to what? From whom?
  24. Is everyone you know really named “Dude”?
  25. Would a day without television kill you?
  26. You know TV is 99.8% BS, don’t you?
  27. You seem to like watching sports. Given your personal condition, would you say this amounts to voyeurism?
  28. If you ever discover the Pokemon isn’t real, would you then consider actual reality?
  29. How’s the cotton candy at your “church”? I hear they have a cool rock band.
  30. Name one thing you’ve gotten out of your allegiance to the political state?
  31. Do you realize you’ve been betrayed?
  32. Do you understand you’re the reason it happened to you?
  33. The very system that encourages you to dress, eat, look, and live like that hates you. They consider you an unclean beast of burden. You know that, right?
  34. Do you enjoy your slavery? I’m happy for you either way.
  35. If any of my questions made you uneasy, would you consider coming back to the real world?

Just asking.

Maybe what I was thinking about was the America of my youth. Or, maybe it was some dream ideal. Something I’m looking forward too, perhaps. Those questions I shall ponder.

Advice for Would-Be Law Students

13 Saturday Aug 2016

Posted by in Legal/Political Columns, Other Columns

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Late this spring, at a school ceremony, I was surprised to learn that my Daughter wants to be an attorney when she grows up. I had thought she wanted to be a marine biologist or a veterinarian or an artist. Maybe like me, she’s a contrarian; after hearing me grumble for years about the law business, maybe she just has to try it. Maybe she’ll grow out of it. Perhaps she’ll become a marine biology attorney. I just want her to be happy.

The law isn’t for everyone and not all areas of the legal profession are the same. The law itself isn’t what it used to be. At Nuremberg the traditions of Western legal philosophy were effectively jettisoned through the window. They clung to the ledge for a while and then fell. Currently, the law lies, dying, on the street below. If one listens, one can still hear it murmur things like “due process” and “no ex post facto…”. Sad, really.

Still, many will want to at least attend law school; several will go on to become practicing attorneys. For these prospective students, I thought I would offer some advice, some ideas about the profession and its formal education process. Here goes:

The practice of law is horrible. Tucker Max wrote the best essay on the subject I have ever read: Why You Shouldn’t Go to Law School: For the overwhelming majority of people (>99.9%), law school is the wrong choice. Here’s why. Read that. Neither he nor I practice now. I fell under his fourth reason not to go to law school – I wanted to do something noble. I didn’t, I couldn’t. It is impossible. My ideal was to bring freedom to as many people as possible. They don’t want it. Most of what I write here is still a vain attempt to bring people around. That, or preaching to the choir. Read that essay – Tucker’s a funny man, but he’s dead serious on all counts. And right too.

 

Even worse than the theory of jurisprudence and the active practice is state of legal education itself, especially in America. Read my essay on that.

American legal education is so bad that the esteemed Alan Watson wrote a book about it: The Shame of American Legal Education. Read that book before you apply to law school.

Alan Watson, Esq. Amazon.

If an American, despite these warnings, must go to law school, they should consider Watson’s alternative. Consider going to law school in Scotland. There, legal theory is still revered and taught. The Scottish schools teach people the law itself. American schools teach being a boring cog in a broken wheel (and most aren’t very good at even that). One might decide to stay in Scotland. Should one return to the U.S. one will have to obtain some auxiliary BS “training” before joining the bar. But, at least that person would be fortified in the truth and the science as American law students are not.

One American law school is about as bad as the rest. Rankings really do not matter. Still, for prestige alone and to help with seeking employment, try a top-rated school if possible. The experience will still disappoint.

These schools, for as little as they are worth, are expensive. A legal education can easily cost $250,000 or more. And low-tier schools can be just as expensive as Harvard or Yale. If one must go, try for a top-ranked state school and try to get a scholarship.

Take a break between undergraduate studies and law school and explore something – anything. This might kill the desire to study law. That would be a good thing.

Consider alternatives. Put some thought into it. In retrospect, I should have pursued an advanced degree in political philosophy or history. Maybe chemistry or forestry. Yes, the law can open many doors of opportunity but it also makes you walk through other doors not so appealing.

Do not study pre-law or business law or any related BS in college thinking it will help with law school. It won’t. English, philosophy, and political theory are better majors. The best course of study is the one that interests you the most. Above all else, remember to learn something.

Before you fully commit to legal education (here or abroad) do two internships or volunteer stints. The first should be in the area you think you are most interested in. The second should be in the field that is most remote from what you think you like. This will provide a real-world perspective and a little balance. Bounce your ideas off of everyone.

Consider the rise of the AI attorney. Robots are not just stealing factory jobs. By the time my daughter graduates from college (or even high school) computers will be doing most legal work. This will be good and bad. It will save many students from horrendous careers though leaving them burdened with debt and regrets.

Consider that people will constantly bother you for advice – even if you can’t give it. “You’re a contracts attorney? Great! Let me ask you about my friend’s DUI charges…” These types love to waste time and they don’t pay for it. They also don’t follow advice anyway. Upon not following it, they will still blame you for the problems they created. As there are a few too many attorneys, so there are WAY too many idiots.

Don’t be afraid of change. Becoming a lawyer doesn’t mean being one for life. One can switch areas of practice or leave the law altogether. Fifty percent or more of American lawyers do not practice law.

In fact, don’t be afraid. That’s the best advice I could give my daughter or anyone else. I just want her to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. And free. See, I’m still at it…

 

*Ads below this line are not Perrin Lovett’s. He hopes they are harmless.