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*If you’re joining us from TPC, welcome to the perhaps “too real” story. You may have missed a few episodes. Catch up via the following list!

Here follows part six in our series on European escape countries for young Americans fond of civilization. One might notice that I am now consolidating the nations a bit. 

PART I: Poland

PART II: Slovakia

PART III: Hungary

PART IV: Poland 2.0

PART V: Romania (and Moldova)

We’re going to pick up speed, now, by going quickly through three nations and an honorable mention. 


Set in the Alps, this is that second Switzerland and I mentioned in the column about third Switzerland, Slovakia. (For what it’s worth, I’m probably not going to cover the first CH, but do know it is also an option).

Austria is a member of the EU monetary union; the Euro is the currency. Now, unlike some of the first places I directed your attention towards, the Euro doesn’t necessarily stretch that far in places like Vienna. Austria is a wealthier nation, a descendant of imperial order, and comes with the prices associated with high-first-world living. And, a few of the modern problems…

Again, again, again, I started with Poland, Slovakia, and Hungary for a reason. Several, of course, but they (of the countries I know better) best fit my triple matrix of harmonious compatibility. Lest anyone still is riding the fence of uncertainty, I’m looking at high to ultra-high levels of homogeneity in the areas of race, religion, and intelligence – or the best amalgams I can find. For our intrepid Americans seeking a better life, that means: White, Christian, and an average IQ at least in the “average” range, the higher the better. Not that I have to defend these criteria, but these are the three best predictive measures of how well a community of humans get along – or not. An example, if there might be a lingering doubt or two: 99% White, 95% Catholic, 100-IQ Poland is stable, pleasant, and cohesive; 60% White, 60% Christian, 92-IQ Amerika is … turn on the news. (I previously gifted some advice to others of goodwill, and likely will do so again ere long).

So, Austria is vast majority Euro-ethnic, with the great majority of the population being Austrians, and most (but not all) of the rest being from other European nations. Modernity is inserting her hideous head by bringing a variety of outsiders, similar to the migratory situation in Germany and France, though it is of much lower statistical and absolute numeric magnitude. The bad part of the equation is that, though the process of diversification is in its infancy, it has commenced. The good part is that the Austrians are awake to the issue. Politically, the traditionally-defensive hard right is rising. They recently elected – and then canned – the Wunderkind, What’s-his-name; canned after delivering performance one might expect from someone just out of high school or whatever (yeah, I’m talking about your g-g-generation – you’re ready to move, but not lead … not yet). But, they’re on the job and can (will) fix any issues before they become martial in nature (one really hopes).

Christianity-wise, the up-to-date stats are a little fuzzy, but it appears that Austria is still at least 80% Faithful, with most being some form of Catholicism. Interestingly enough, the government imposes a 1% Ecclesiastical tax (a tithe of a tithe) on Christians for the support of their Churches. 

Brain power-wise, the nation stands just over the WAIS/SB normative average of 100 and shows no signs of dropping. (In the great defense, many or most of the non-EU newcomers are from places with higher than average IQs (ie, China)).

You know the drill: they have culture, schools, jobs, immigration rules, real estate, firearms, supermarkets, etc. Duck and SP. And, of course, they write and vocalize words. German is the majority language – find it at Babs or Duo. Here, I’ll let the immortal Falco (and friends) help you with that:



How do you know this little nation already? That’s right! It’s the homeland of First Lady, Melania Trump, indicative of how the average woman appears and carries herself. Good, God! Get off the Orbitz! I have just a little more…

Slovenia is 83% Slovenes and at least 93% Euro (probably more like 98% Euro). Again, the country is around 80% Christian, with the great majority being Roman Catholic. A sign of the times: the RC contingent was over 97% decades ago. You can help with a revival, certainly. They are smart people, averaging close to Austria, far ahead of flagging Amerika, and showing no signs of coming down. 

And, they all live it what appears to be a living fairy tale. Yes, yes, they speak and use money. They have laws, customs, and such. THE DUCK! But, while you do your research, make sure you look at some pictures – just SP “Slovenia” for starters. I got mountains (they’re Alpine, largely), castles, and … the water. You’ll notice waterfalls in rocky dells. In caves. Bluewater with white foam. It’s almost as pretty as Melania. Accelerate your Travelocity if you must, but I’m moving on to,


Here, we back up into, once again, the Balkans and what some might consider “frontier” “eastern” Europe. Consider it what you will – just take a look. A hard look. They have all the pluses and some of the minuses of any modern nation. But, like Poland and Slovakia, they have uniformity. Virtually all of the people – 99.5% – are European in origin. Over 90% are Christian. Again, I found IQ stats that made me ask questions. Suffice to say, these utterly homogeneous people are at least on par with Amerikans. And, as with a few other “developing” Easterns, I suspect the rise as Amerika falls. I leave this nation to your imagination and your astute research. The same goes for many of the surrounding Balkan nations. Another neighboring entry was suggested to me by a reader, though I have chosen to ignore it as it does not quite fit within the parameters of my test – which is not to say it isn’t a great place.

CZECH REPUBLIC (Honorable Mention)

I’m including this nation, which was also suggested to me by another reader, on a thin margin. Ethno-demographic, they’re as pure as Slovakia or Poland, and, like Poland and Hungary, they are fighting with the EU over they’re steadfast refusal to admit the third world. That’s fantastic, as is much else (almost everything else) in the land, to include the half-a-standard deviation higher than the US IQ. It’s the lack of Christianity that holds them back or down. Bluntly speaking, there are just too many atheists who register as such, along with too many “unaffiliated” or “undeclared” persons. This could be a statistical error or a lingering effect of Nazism and communism, but by the numbers, followers of Christ are a minority. I’m looking for the trifecta. You, upon greater delving that I performed – not necessarily a difficult undertaking – may find positives to outweigh my concerns. If so, then great. She was added for a reason. If you and the reason meet amicably, remember my postcard, please.