Use Your Goodles

Today I present a first for my column, my blog, and anything else I have ever written. I herein review a macaroni and cheese! 

It’s GOODLES! Where, as they put it, they do mac ‘n’ cheese “gooder.” Get it? 

Out of an abundance of honesty, I have not sampled any of their pasta – yet. However, I implicitly trust one of the co-founders, so it’s all good(er). Let’s hear from her:

When does the woman sleep?! Gal just cranked out baby number three. Her “Red Notice” is currently the top movie in the world – and one I might venture into a theater to watch (I’m surprised too just at the notion). She’s working on 10,000 other things. And still, she found time to reinvent the noodle. 

Why and how? Well, recently she explained the matter to an eager James Corden. She said that when she was a little girl growing up in Themyscira Israel, her aunt and uncle would travel from the US for visits. Like any good relatives, they brought with them heaping bags of boxes of store-bought mac ‘n’ cheese. Thus began Gal’s love of the staple. Now, with three girls of her own, the trend obviously continues. And, as Wonder Woman and an all-around wonderful perfect gal, Gal wanted to reinvigorate the dish. Make it healthier. Heartier. Happier. She wanted to do for the boiled bowl what she does to everything else – make it perfect for everyone.

She found the opportunity thanks to some of the other ardent pasta lovers at Goodles. Click around the website, please. Then, as I will, click over and order a few boxes.

As of press time, they offer four flavors: Cheddy Mac, Mover & Shaker, Shella Good, and Twist My Parm. What sets these selections apart? For starters, according to Gal, team Corden, and numerous reviews, they just taste better, the way macaroni used to. It’s also packed with protein. 14 grams of protein per serving, to be precise. Read through the ingredients. Shunning the evils of soy, they opted for wholesome chickpea to beef up the wheat base. 

Based on the listed nutrition values, I suspect Goodles might make for excellent prepper/bug-out/survival food. There is the matter of preparation on the go, but that can and will be field-tested. I also suspect something like Shella Good might be hella good paired with Freedom Roasters Coffee. I further suspect that to cross-promote brands and add caffeine, the pasta could be boiled in FRC coffee. Maybe? We’ll find out one day.

While you’re shopping, take note of the variety packs and the be-logo’d “swag.” At the moment, I can’t see how roller skates would augment a crowd-pleasing snack – though they surely can’t hurt. Then again, if Gal Gadot is behind it, it has to be right. (Perrin is a proud unpaid, unofficial, unsolicited spokesman for all things GG). Buy a beanie or something, folks. Do your part.

I’ve done mine and now I’m going to wrap this one up with a little humor. During her first hinting roll-out promo video, it sounded to me like Gal was channeling her inner Trump. “It’s huge. HUGE,” she said before nibbling on a noodle. So, in due course, I’d like to add some additional Orange Man-esque suggestions:

“You’re gonna have the best pasta. Better than you’ve ever seen.”

“We’re gonna drain the Velveeta. That’s right.”

“We will lock up Krooked Kraft!”

“The competition is not sending us their best. No. Empty calories, unpronounceable chemical additives, gas-inducing garbage, and some, I imagine, are good shells…”

“We’re going to BUILD THE CHEESE. And Macaroni will pay for it.”

“Look at that noodle. Look at her! If she wasn’t my noodle … I’d date her.”

(You don’t even have to credit me, Goodles! Free for the taking.)

Yes, it felt good, for once in a great while, ginning up a simple script about something happy, innocent, and helpful. But that’s the power of the world’s greatest actress and the newest, goodest noodle company going. Ah.

*What I have from the world of Tolkien – it’s really good – can wait (it’s lurked in draft form in the hopper for some six years already). And, yes, I am tracking the painfully slow pace of Kyle Rittenhouse’s verdict. More on that when it comes. For now, I thought this subject was more fun, certainly more nutritious, and in keeping with my endless praise of all things GG.