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PERRIN LOVETT

~ Deo Vindice

PERRIN LOVETT

Category Archives: Other Columns

Columns concerning any and everything. Enjoy!

The Ironsides Boys Dig a Hole

04 Wednesday Sep 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

fiction, firearms, gun control, prepping, Tom Ironsides, TPC

Not (directly) a TOM Ironsides story! You’ll see:

 

Just Another Ordinary Fencepost Hole

 

Larry’s Small Farm in New Hampshire, Saturday, August 31, 2019, 9:04 AM…

 

Bert watched his mother and his sisters ease down the long driveway to the road. He listened until the hum of the Sequoia’s V8 faded away. Then he ran down to the barn, finding “Little” Larry (all six-foot, three inches of him) digging around under the F-250’s bed cover.

‘Lar! They’re off. Bet they won’t be back until the mall closes.’

‘Kay, Bubba. I got everything we need. Let’s go find dad.’

Larry, Jr., recently turned eighteen, and his younger-by-three-years brother rolled gently into the back field, headed towards the distant clump of firs and junipers in the far corner above the woods and just uphill from the creek.

‘They changed the story about the Texas shooter. Again.’ Bert read headlines from his phone. ‘Now, they say it wasn’t random and he spoke to the FBI first. No white supremacy links either.’

‘Yeah. They do that. They’ll change it again. Next, he’ll be a black zionist working for the FBI. Then, they’ll move on to the next one. Dad says they need better scriptwriters.’

‘Is that a red flag or a false flag?’

‘False. But, one leads to the other. Or, it will. That’s why we’re doing our um, fence work today.’

Larry, Jr. slowed as he passed a row of newly dug post holes and a stack of heavy timbers. Behind a large cedar, the boys caught a glimpse of their father, already at work. Big Larry, Larry, Sr., was raising the auger out of a new hole when he noticed the truck approaching. After carefully clearing the PTO assembly, he pulled the John Deere 4052M out of the way and shut it off. He met his boys at the tailgate. 

‘I take it the women are off and shopping?’

Junior answered, ‘Yes, sir. They left about five minutes ago.’

‘Good. We’ll have plenty of time. We can even get another section of actual fence up.’

Bert was still a little puzzled about the logistics and the secrecy. ‘Dad, why can’t we tell mom or Brooke or Liv? Kind of feels like we’re sneaking around.’

‘Well, son, we are. For this operation, the fewer who know anything, the better. Women have a way of … talking about things. We’re not asking for permission or forgiveness. We’re men. We do what we have to without resort to pointless discussion. Especially with something as critical as this.’ He paused as Larry, Jr. pulled the bed cover back. ‘Well, men. Let’s see here. Larry, for your brother’s benefit, why don’t you walk us through what we have? Kind of explain as you load ‘er up’

‘Okay, dad.’ Junior lowered a large black plastic tube to the ground, standing it upright. He unscrewed and removed the lid. ‘This is the Mono Vault. The big one. Now, all we do is fill it with goodies. Start passing me those long flat bags, Bubba.’

‘Are these the new guns we just shot last week?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why are they sealed up now?’

‘We cycled ‘em to make sure they work. Then, I cleaned the heck out of ‘em. Dad and I soaked ‘em in Cosmoline and vacuum-sealed them last night while you distracted the women. Wicked good job, I’d say.’

Junior lowered the arsenal into the tube – an H&K 416 A5 chambered in 5.56mm, a 417 A2 in 7.62 x 51 NATO, and a Benelli M4 tactical 12-gauge shotgun. 

 ‘The bags keep them dry?’

‘The vault should do that. The grease and the vacuum will keep them from rusting. Thanks, brother, those smaller bags too, now.’

Two H&K pistols, both in .45ACP and both similarly protected, were added. Then came the ammunition – 1,000 rounds of 5.56, 400 rounds of 7.62, 100 rounds of buckshot, and 400 rounds of .45ACP – all neatly packaged. Everything fit perfectly with room to spare.

‘Where’d all this stuff come from? And, whose idea was this?’

Larry laughed. ‘Same answer for both questions – your uncle Thomas. He says that with all that’s happening, it’s time to start caching. He provided the Mono Vault and the guns. Amazon sells the tubes in all sizes and… PVC pipe will work too if they start banning more than guns. And the guns, any good store has. Uh… Tom kindly provided all these, sans any contact or paper trail. He says it’s best not to have any trace of the purchase or ownership. Period.’

‘Well, how’d he get them?’

‘Son, I learned a long time ago that it’s better not to question Tom’s methods. Okay, let’s add the rest now.’

A few more bags and a coffee can rounded out most of the space. Junior continued the explanation. ‘That’s a cleaning kit, magazines, some spare parts, slings and holsters, and a few survival items. Knives and water tablets, etc. Not sure what was in that black bag. Dad?’

‘Another gift from your uncle. Probably auto sears or something for the rifles. A grenade? Better not to know sometimes. Oh! And, I have a few more little things to top it off!’

Larry proudly added a travel humidor full of Cuban Cohibas (also from Tom), a cutter, lighter, and matches, and a bottle of 18-year-old Oban Scotch Whisky. With everything in place, they closed the primary lid and carried the vault to the waiting hole. Larry explained it’s creation,

‘Boys, I’m glad I didn’t have to switch to the backhoe. No big rocks, luckily. I dug out five adjoining holes to match the diameter of the vault with some extra space on the sides. There’s a little dirt down at the bottom. If you could get that, Bert. Thanks.’ He watched as Bert manually lowered some post hole diggers into the ground. ‘Should be a perfect fit. The vault is forty-five inches deep, or tall, and my bit is forty-eight. I  bumped it a little deeper with the hydraulics for a margin. Anyway, it all worked great.’

Bert finished routing out the hole and they lowered the vault into place. Next, they backfilled around the edges, adding several bags of gravel at Larry’s instruction. 

‘It’s very important to keep good drainage. Water can cause these things to buoy up and float. It shouldn’t be a problem with our good soil. Anyway, my going a little deeper will keep the frost away from the lid.’

With the fill added, they lowered and sealed the heavy outer shield lid. That, they covered with about two inches of dirt. 

‘Scrap time, boys.’

The trio started scattering rusty scrap steel and iron in and around the hole. Over the lid, Larry placed a partially bent railroad track plate.

‘What’s all this for?’ Bert asked.

His brother answered, ‘To foil metal detectors.’

‘Yeah,’ added Larry, ‘Not that anyone’s going to be looking way back here. But, if they do, then this junk should throw them off. They’ll just figure it’s old trash and move on. They’d have a hard time finding it anyhow.’

‘How will we find it again in a few years, dad?’

‘Placement is everything. The tube is set equidistant between that large rock and the corner fence post. It’s exactly twenty-one feet between them, so it’s ten and a half feet from the rock to the tube. Remember that. I notched the rock on the right line just to be safe. No-one would ever notice that or understand what it means.’ He pointed to the granite boulder, jutting out of the ground amid the evergreens.

They worked a little more and covered the hole well, blending it with the surrounding ground. In a few weeks, it became undetectable. Later that day, a decent section of the new wooden fence was erected. That evening, while waiting on the women to return, the three lounged around just outside the barn doors. All three enjoyed a few beers, and the Larrys smoked two of the Cohibas, a pair saved from burial at the last moment. 

‘And again, men,’ Larry expounded, ‘Who do we tell about this?’

‘Nobody.’ They answered in unison.

‘That’s right. Okay, I’ll tell Tom later. Show him, in person, rather. He said not to even mention this in code on the telephone.’

‘He’s really serious about all this, isn’t he?’

‘He really is. He expects some sort of gun ban before things get really bad. And he expects the bad part in a decade or so. He’s used the term civil war a few times. Hate to say I trust him, but he does know war. Says if it comes, it will be short, but very bad. Not much that common people can do for the duration. It’s surviving the getting there and the aftermath that matters.’

‘Our little cache will help if it comes to that, dad, Bubba. But, what about … you know, heavier weapons?’

‘Well. The advice from the pro is to stay out of the way while the big actors duke it out. But, he told me that maybe the next time we’re together – sometime soon – he’ll explain in detail how to go arms shopping, for free, courtesy of the government. Again, that’s another subject he’s extremely well versed in.’

‘Dad, speaking of shopping – I see headlights.’

‘Alright! Remember to act impressed by the shoes and purses and so forth.’

They all laughed. It felt good to start a Labor Day weekend with responsible preparedness. For the moment, it felt pretty good finishing those brews and smokes.

AS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AT TPC!

Formatting… Anyway, this story gave me the spark! – things have been a little rougher the past four weeks than I’ve let on – to get back into the FICTION! Just this afternoon, I have powered through the first 102 pages of the novel – maybe the final edit. Getting there! And, soon, friends.

Also, the above featured “prepper” lessons – in dramatic format – for dealing with the coming (it is coming) attacks on the 2A. Be ready. Dig deep. I’ll have … Tom Ironsides will have more suggestions soon. Cheers!

More Fiction

04 Wednesday Sep 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

fiction

Soon. Expecting a TPC post sometime – a different kind of Ironsides story. The fiction is all I feel like doing. Even with the recent slowdown. Trying to recapture that “spark.”

Long Live Rock

02 Monday Sep 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

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music, rock

For now…

But there’s another sense in which rock is very nearly dead: Just about every rock legend you can think of is going to die within the next decade or so.

Yes, we’ve lost some already. On top of the icons who died horribly young decades ago — Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Elvis Presley, John Lennon — there’s the litany of legends felled by illness, drugs, and just plain old age in more recent years: George Harrison, Ray Charles, Michael Jackson, Lou Reed, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Prince, Leonard Cohen, Tom Petty.

Those losses have been painful. But it’s nothing compared with the tidal wave of obituaries to come. The grief and nostalgia will wash over us all. Yes, the Boomers left alive will take it hardest — these were their heroes and generational compatriots. But rock remained the biggest game in town through the 1990s, which implicates GenXers like myself, no less than plenty of millennials.

At least there was no mention of Cobain. And, the Boomers are steadily clearing out. Not all so bad.

Happy Labor Day

02 Monday Sep 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Al Bundy, Labor Day

Hope all is well. Take it away, Al:

 

Another Political Fable (They Want Your Guns) – from TPC

28 Wednesday Aug 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Legal/Political Columns, Other Columns

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Fables, GOP, gun control, Mark Foley, politics, TPC

The Wolf Who Cried Assault Rifle

A fable to make Aesop cringe:

A wolf was elected to Congress and therefore took advantage when and where he could. There was something about a Page, but the people did nothing. There was some legislative projection, but the people did nothing. Sexually explicit texting with more Pages followed. The people, the FBI included, still did nothing. Frustrated, the wolf yelled, “what the hell I gotta do to get caught up in here?!” He then resigned and came out as a homosexual.

Many years later, after a successful stint as a lobster salesman to the LGBTQIAXWTFBBQ+V, P&C community, the wolf decided to come after your guns. Ever treasonous, the GOP was happy to help him. The end.

 
Mark Foley was not just on your phone screen seven seconds ago so you probably don’t know who he is. Okay, if you’re an underage male Congressional Page, then he might be on your phone. Otherwise, read Anthony Man’s pretty good article from Saturday’s Sun-Sentinel for details.

In fairness, I met Foley at a Florida political function back around 2001-02. It was, I think, a luncheon hosted by the GOP or the Federalist Society, maybe both. The late Rep. Clay Shaw was there too. Other than the usual politi-creepiness – which would eventually drive me out of the Fed-Soc and all political gatherings – I detected nothing out of the ordinary about Foley (or Clay). If memory serves, they both bordered on being kind of nice, normal. I would not have then suspected Foley was a gun grabber. According to the Sentinel piece, he is.

…

THE WHOLE DEAL AT TPC

The Fluorine Effect (and other stuff…) – TPC

22 Thursday Aug 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

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TPC

Maybe not my best column…

Be Mo Smarter, Don’t Drink Da Warter

I wanted to see if the conspiracy theory theme from last week would still hold warter. Um, water. I also needed something quick as your CFF National Affairs Writer has felt better…

Another “conspiracy theory” of which you might have heard: some people have suggested that fluoridated water is bad for health. They’ve been ridiculed for that. Why? Who? How? Huh? Fluoride is essentially negatively-charged Fluorine (F, Z 9). The latter element is an extremely dangerous and corrosive oxidizer. The former anion is considerably less toxic but still comes with a maximum safe human daily allowance (10 mg). So far, so … yeah.

(Realtor or Zillow or Something)

Various municipalities add a variety of the less toxic stuff, in even much less toxic form, via either sodium fluoride or sodium monofluorophosphate, to tap water supplies. The effect, convention holds, is that this protects our teeth. There are admitted minor problems, but the net result is positive – unless you’re one of those theorists who maintain the stuff is still dangerous no matter how you compound it. Now, the theorists have a little more ammunition.

A NEW STUDY!, as heralded in The Daily Beast, finds that fluoridated water, consumed by expecting mothers, lowers the IQs of the expected chillins. The Beast story is good, pointing to some of the industry hypocrisy (in JAMA and elsewhere) as well as noting that additional studies confirmed the statistical veracity of the matter. However, this being the postmodern era, they cited the study itself indirectly through a Twitter link. I’ll give it to ya straight:

READ MORE AT TPC

Grading the Colleges 2019

21 Wednesday Aug 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

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college, education, higher education, Walter Williams

Dr. Walter Williams has the dirt on the schools:

For many parents, August is a month of both pride and tears. Pride because their teenager is taking that big educational step and tears because for many it’s the beginning of an empty nest. Yet, there’s a going-away-to-college question that far too few parents ask or even contemplate: What will my youngster learn in college?

The American Council of Trustees and Alumni provides some answers that turn out to be quite disturbing. ACTA evaluated every four-year public university as well as hundreds of private colleges and universities. That’s more than 1,100 institutions that enroll nearly 8 million students, more than two-thirds of all students enrolled in four-year liberal arts schools nationwide. ACTA’s findings were published in their report “What Will They Learn? 2018-19.” It doesn’t look good.

No “A” schools in the Ivy League. My undergrad alma mater got an A. My grad school university a D (based on the undergrad programs).

THE REPORT

Happy Back to School Special

19 Monday Aug 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

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culture, decline, education, schools

More (recent) lessons on America’s schools (this example being one of the better ones):

After an interview and teaching a few “test” classes to first- and second-year students, I was hired.  Within a few days, however, it was clear that many students did not understand English grammar, much less Latin fundamentals.  In response, I taught remedial grammar and outlined how students could pass my course with a “C” or “D.”  There were some excellent students, but test scores were not distributed in a bell-shaped curve.  It was an “inverted” bell, or bimodal distribution — with scores clumped at the two extremes.

Poor preparation was only the tip of the iceberg.  Students did not bring books to class, relentlessly complained about homework, and expected high grades regardless of proficiency.  When I asked questions, I uncovered some alarming facts:

  • Latin was a dumping ground for students who already had failed another language; “picking up a few phrases” was the goal.
  • Many teachers expected little but awarded high grades.
  • Students were subjected to parental pressure to obtain good grades regardless of performance.
  • A department head had been demoted for teaching at a pre-college level and refusing to lower his standards.
  • Senior teachers were dropping out in disgust; younger teachers had no choice but to accept the situation.
  • Under parental pressure, the principal was establishing a process to prevent students from having to take more than one test on the same day.  College prep?

Tom Ironsides and I can vouch for this collapse. We will. Soon.

A Tattoo is a…

11 Sunday Aug 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

culture, decline, insanity, tattoo

Artistic mental health warning label. Theodore Dalrymple sums up some of my views on the grotesque trend of “inking.”

This, perhaps, explains the outbreak of mass self-mutilation in the form of piercings and tattooing that has overtaken the West. In many countries, the proportion of the tattooed in the population has now risen to about a third. No doubt most of them, if asked, would say that they were expressing themselves, or telling the world who they really are. There could be no better—or in my opinion sadder—testimony to mass inner emptiness than this.

When I first noticed the ascent of tattooing up the social scale about twenty years ago—the type of people who were getting themselves tattooed who would once never have dreamed of doing so—I explained it as the advertisement of a supposedly virtuous political identification with the marginalized in society, to whom tattooing had until then largely been confined, no doubt combined with the eternal desire to shock Mum and Dad. But this theory, if it were ever true, can be true no longer. Self-mutilation is now a fashion, true enough, and perhaps one should not look too deeply for the vagaries of taste; but a fashion that marks you indelibly is more than a fashion for, say, a silly hat or a polo-neck sweater.

These days, Mum and Dad have probably beat the kids to the needle – Granny too. In a way I like it. A visible tattoo lets one know who and what one is dealing with. But, the sheer number says something about the decline of the people. A 2018 University of Miami study verified the obvious: tattoos are highly indicative of mental illness.

But, not yours… I’m sure yours is so very special. Go talk to yourself about that.

More Ironsides! – from TPC

07 Wednesday Aug 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

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fiction, Tom Ironsides, TPC

Here follows ONLY a short Ironsides story. Check TPC for the full feature.

 

The Great Good Friday Delivery

A Tom Ironsides Story 

(partly concerning Covington, GA…)

 

Atlanta, Georgia, Good Friday, April 19, 2019, 11:57 AM…

 

‘Is that your radar detector? Damn! You need one.’ Ariana felt a little car sick as her uncle punched all 840 horses, firing out of the exit ramp from the Downtown Connector, onto I-20, like a bullet from a rifle. 

‘No. That one’s a multi-spectrum jammer. Supposed to confuse laser too. Diffuse it,’ he said, indicating to one switch in a row of custom toggles, below the touchscreen and beside the red START button. ‘That one is a smart scanner. Watches the Po-Po before they can watch us. THAT one is an EMP. Standard stuff.’ 

He rocketed into the HOV lane, headed East at triple-digit speeds, the SRT Demon purring throatily. 

‘What are… cal…trops?’ 

‘For when the EMP doesn’t work.’

‘Is all that legal?’

‘As legal as these idiotic speed limits.’ 

‘Why the hurry? And, what were you doing back there?’

‘Just want to put a little distance… Yeah, you’re right. There’s no need to rush quite so fast. Not my business anymore really.’ He slowed … slightly.

‘And… What business was that, Uncle Tommy?’

‘Did you get everything you needed back at Emory … Emory Hospital?’

‘Yes. Again. Not me. It was for the med school roomies. I don’t like hospitals any more than you do. Was having a nice talk with that cute boy when you flew up like a bat out of hell. So… You were coming from where?’

‘I agree. Traffic’s not quite LA, but it vies with DC or New York.’

‘What were YOU DOING?!’

‘Dropped something off at the Federal Reserve.’

‘Something like a bomb?’ She laughed even as she considered that with this particular uncle, anything was possible.

‘Not yet. Oh, wow. Yeah, it’s time. Hey…’ He pulled out his phone and handed it to her while glancing in the rearview mirror. ‘Can you. This app. Press where it says fly, F-L-Y, and then let me know if it says okay or turns green or… I gotta watch that car. I hate roof racks on sedans. Ski racks. Looks like the damned cops from a distance.’

‘Okay…’ She tapped the “FLY” button and waited. ‘Alrighty. Turned green. Says… “drones launched?!” What the hell is this?!’

‘Swarm. Microdrones. For eavesdropping…’

‘You’re spying on the Federal Reserve?!’

‘No. Not me. Just doing a favor for some old friends.’

‘The CIA is… What’s going on?’

‘Steinberg Island.’

‘What does that weirdo have to do with the Fed… He’s dead, right?’

‘And burning, one would assume. You know about the island. There’s a few things the media has been a little less than forthcoming about. Things they probably don’t know either. And, there are a few things the Company would like to understand a little better.’

‘That’s! The CIA? In Atlanta? Is THAT legal?!’

‘As legal as that private central bank…’

She was aware that Tom had quickened the pace again, perhaps in an effort to evade the ski rack. Or, maybe he was just having fun. She pressed him on the special delivery: ‘How were they even open today? A holiday.’

‘Those Pharisees don’t observe Good Friday! Hell, I’m surprised our schools did. Good thing. Company wanted those little boogers deployed ASAP. I just got them last weekend. I hate robots, but gotta admit, they’re kind of cool. Hover around. Obey voice commands too.’

‘What do they do?’

‘Fly around covertly, looking and listening. The big ones plug into USBs or something. They’re looking for a link. Links.’

‘To?’

‘You’d rather not know. Besides, I was just doing a favor. Call Langley for details.’

‘Uh, no. I’d rather not know.’ She looked out the window as they blasted under the I-285 overpass. ‘You still get paid for doing those favors?’

‘For honor and country. Pay enough for his patriot,’ he said wryly. He noticed her cock an eyebrow. ‘Sometimes cash just shows up. Little here, little there. Like old times.’

‘How much is a little, here or there?’

‘…uhm… yub n. mo fan enbuf bor fa nub sopp….’

‘MUMBLE a little louder!’

‘Maybe enough to buy thousand-horsepower, mid-engine Stingray replacement for this slow heap? Definitely enough to buy my favorite niece an ice cream! Oh. And, could you turn that phone off – it’s not my usual, more of a burner – just put it in the duffle bag in the back? Really, I’ll buy you an ice cream…’

His perpetually amused (or flustered) favorite niece powered the phone down and reached back under the roll cage for his bag. ‘Uncle Tommy. What exactly is this black metal thing in here?’

‘In the bag?’

‘Duh!’

‘M4 with an M203 attached.’

‘Like an assault rifle.’

‘Assault. Yeah. That big tube is the grenade launcher.’

‘You say that like… Only you, only you.’

‘Hey. I mean, it was the Federal Reserve. You never know. Couple of handguns and a subby might not be enough.’

‘Never a dull moment. My family…’

‘While you’re back there. Uh. You know Lorna pretty well, right? Redhead. Irish. Insane. You think she’d fit back there if I was on top of…’

‘You are the most horrible … MAN! GAWD! You do owe me an ice cream.’

Tom reckoned he did owe her something. Lunchtime was upon them and he thought he’d spied just the place.

‘Amici!’ He exclaimed.

‘Amici?’

‘There’s always something going on at Amici… That’s what the billboard just said. Some kind of I-talian joint. Covington. Like the next exit. That, or one in Madison, wherever the hell that… Here we go!’

Tom shot across all lanes and down a tight, circular ramp into Covington. He was supposed to stop at the bottom. Instead, he cooly drifted onto the surface street, tires screeching, the Demon continuing to purr. Ariana thought she had a good idea of what “G” forces were. In short order, they found the restaurant on College Avenue. Tom parked in a little lot nearby.

 ‘Is it safe to leave all that firepower in there?’

‘Yeah. Nobody could bother ‘em. Whole thing is rigged to self-destruct if anyone tampers.’

‘Again. You say these things like it’s… Oh, well. Whatever. I’m hungry.’

‘Let’s see what they have!’

Inside, they were greeted by an attractive girl, maybe close to Ari’s age. Tom instantly took a liking to her.

‘So, yes! This is my NIECE. Not my, you know. I’m a lonely single man out for lunch. Like she’s really not even here. You get off anytime soon?’ They were seated in a booth near the bar; the hostess rolled her eyes upon departing.

‘Hey, Uncle Tommy! I wanna show you something on my phone.’ Ari said, scrolling for something. ‘Lorna. The waitress. I think I’ve got something to finally cure your case of the puppy lust… Here it is!’ She handed him the phone, a contact displayed:

CARMYN (U TOMMY GF): 828-555-1212

‘How did you get … that???’ He asked, still staring at the correct phone number.

‘You’d rather not know. Vicky and I work covertly too sometimes.’ She gave him a devilish grin. ‘Hate for your goddess actress girlfriend to ever find out about … you know. Gonna be a good wuttle wunkle now?’

‘She uh… She kind of knows. YES! Yes. Very good. Bring this girl an ice cream. AND a balloon!’ The waitress had just appeared.

‘Nah. I’m on a holiday today. And, I got me a designated driver,’ she said. ‘You guys have Long Island Iced Tea?’

Over lunch – “The Works” pizza, with liquor for her, water for him – she pried hard about Carmyn.

‘I know what she looks like. I wanna know what she’s like. Anything like, can I ask about this, like Aunt Elizabeth?’

‘Well. Yes, and no. There’ll never be another Lizzy. But, yeah, gotta admit, she’s on that level. I think.’

‘Does she act … famous? You know…’

‘No. No, very sweet. Down to Earth. Nothing pretentious. You’d never know except for all the fans out and about. Autographs and so forth. And, she puts up with me. Very warm hands…’

‘I want to meet her. Vicky can’t wait either! I think mom might even be interested.’ Ari was giddy as she grinned across the table. ‘When was your last date?’

‘Last week. Sunday at the Masters. Oh, the high school girls told me that CBS showed us standing by number eighteen. Tiger time. Standing and kissing.’

‘Rockstar! I’ll bet those girls wanted to… But, you were always popular. Awe. That’s sooo sweet!’

Tom was happy to have the conversation drift off of the morning’s illicit business. And, he valued Ariana’s opinions more than she knew. In turn, he pressed her about the boy from the pool party months earlier, the one from Emory, and more.

They were just getting ready to leave when a bearded man wearing shorts and a dress shirt walked by talking on the phone, headed for the bar. They’d noticed him earlier in the courtyard just outside the window, talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette. Now, he was ordering a lunch toddy.

‘Apple, frozen. Yeah, the Beam.’ He told the bartender in an upbeat but slightly gruff voice. He returned to his phone conversation, ‘So yeah, man. I think they’re gonna legalize it. Decriminalize it. Maybe five, ten years. Ten tops. I have this plan. Lemme talk, les’ talk biz-niss. Aaah, yeah!’

‘He seems happy,’ Tom said as he steadied a wobbly Ariana on the way out. ‘As do you.’ 

She half hiccupped a reply, ‘Oooow. Frozi Apple sounds good. Next time!’

It was more of a tipsy walk than a drunk walk, but she tipsy-walked him around the downtown square. She forced him into a series of shops, one of which he was delighted to find sold cigars. Outside of a real estate office, she opened a little paper box and pulled out a copy.

‘Got a dollar, Uncle Tommy? It’s The Piedmont Chronicles!’

‘Never heard of them,’ he said, fishing out a dollar bill.

On the ride home, a little slower than before, she tipsy-read the week’s news to him. There was another local restaurant featuring bands ‘n burgers. Someone once lost a gaggle of children at the beach. They were informed the solution to pollution was marijuana diffusion. There was more.

Tom glanced over. ‘Wait. Back up and read me what that one guy said about Steinberg. About the vampires and satanists in Congress. Sounds pretty informed.’

‘Sounds crazy.’

‘Yeah. About as crazy as literal reality.’

She fell asleep on the way home, owing to the length and depth of Long Island. After he dropped her off with the (be good for Carmyn, think about Carmyn) blonde roommates, he picked up the newspaper she’d left behind. Thanks to the “craziness” he was reminded of something. Maybe of someone. Suddenly something might have made sense about the Steinberg bombing. Could it be??? Maybe it wasn’t just the NCS that made special deliveries. Maybe it really was a Good Friday.

The WHOLE THING at TPC

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From Green Altar Books, an imprint of Shotwell Publishing

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