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Yeah, so as there are so many of you around today and this week (thanks!), I thought you might enjoy this tale of what (besides the election) completely wrecked my night!

It was cold and dark… I was up until Creepy Joe babbled something at the junkyard, was it? Whatever. Seeing as how nothing had budged for a while, I decided to get a few hours of sleep. No sooner than I laid down my head than I heard this “BEEEEEEEEEEEP,” that didn’t stop. Confused, I opened my eyes to hear better – because that’s how we hear, right? I tried to write it off as nothing – like the election – but it kept beeping. I cautioned out to make sure it wasn’t a smoke alarm. It was not, decidedly coming from outside.

Peeping out, I thought it might be my neighbor’s truck with the alarm going off. I messaged him as much. Then, upon closer (louder) inspection, I discovered that it was emanating from a tractor that the city had left in a vacant lot behind the truck. Running on empty, I forgot my phone has a flashlight. But, I did remember it was a phone, and I called the matter into the authorities! After a beeping eternity, a police officer arrived. He and I, with his flashlight and my dulled wits, stumbled around the G-D tractor until we located the horn button, which was fully depressed and engaged. BEEEEEEEEEPPPPP!!!!!!!

After a few tries, and without resorting to violence, we managed to silence the infernal thing. We figured it was either a malfunction, cold dew shorting the horn, or the dreaded Boogaloos. I can’t remember what happened to the officer, but I ended up back in the house. There, I decided to “check the progress!” again. I discovered Orange Man muttering something about the Supreme Court. Right? Still, the maps didn’t change, though eventually the sun did rise.

My neighbor(s) (none of them) allegedly heard the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP that just wouldn’t stop. Deaf? No idea. But, this morning and now, the tractor is gone. The election is still a toss-up. My head still hurts. And you just wasted part of your day with this nonsense.

Suckers…