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Special Guest Column on National Affairs

Your C.F. Floyd Writer of National Affairs took a few days off, necessary for his travels to Nebraska and the inaugural “Fuel Truck Solution to Political Problems” conference and chemistry lab. The author of today’s article is none other than that internationally-renowned observer and prognosticator of societal critique, dashing darling of the behance fashionables, Mr. Honk Honkler.*
Greetings, friends of the inglorious Alabama lowcountry. As an impertinence, I once visited Dothan. A fine town, if that’s what you’re still calling it. My name is Honk Honkler and I am honored to fill this nugatory role for your reading rancor. I’m a really big fan of The Fremont Prodigals. For the opportunity, many thanks to Mr. N.D. MaLart and Perret Lobell, good friends whom I have known since last Thursday. My “regular” job, you didn’t ask? I play the role of Virgil, guiding those whom I may through the inferno of Clownworld. Come along, now, our journey begins. *Honk, Honk*
It Almost Always Starts with a Ship
These wars for money, that is. Think about it (if that’s possible). The Star of the West. The U.S.S. Maine. The Lusitania, U.S.S. Arizona, The Maddox. U.S.S. Liberty (Oops! DO NOT think about that one!). U.S.S. Stark. Et cetera. Et cetera. Now, today, thanks to John “It’s okay to lie about war” Bolton, the current et cetera is the U.S.S. Abe Lincoln, CVN-72.
As part of routine commercial banking enrichment operations, the 100,000-ton floating target has navigated to the Persian Gulf and into the sights of Russian, Chinese, and/or Iranian ASMs. The neocons aren’t even bothering to disclose the underlying lie this time. Whatever it is, rest assured it’s important – something about the free world or your children or protecting our nebulous interests or allies. Iran is a threat to something or someone, somewhere. Hezbollah. Uranium. Cakewalk. Ilhan Omar. For sure, no Amerikan sons or daughters will be imperiled by the Imperial imperative.
*Honk, Honk*
(Picture from the office of H. Honkler).
From Border Security to Boarder Security
In 2016, out of respect for and in celebration of the virtues of voluntary democratic slavery, the wise people of toponymic Columbia elected Donald “Art of Grab ‘Em by You’re Fired” Trump as Supreme Leader. Part of his pitch – the primary overhand lob – was securing America’s porous border with the Estados Unidos Mexicanos. He said something about a wall or bollards or some traffic cones. Someone was going to pay for it.