I grew up in a different time and a different place. Most people can say the same, at least as to the time. Maybe it’s just nostalgia (yeah, one of those posts) but I remember a better, freer, and happier America.

Let’s say it was 1982. Back then I was a youngster at a K-12 private school in Mississippi, Starkville Academy. I moved away a few years later and I have only been back once or twice. And the last visit was something like twenty years ago.

Through the magic of Facebook I have reconnected with many of my old classmates. Two of the young lady friends of mine are smoking hot (y’all know who you are). Heck, the women are all lookers (just as us gentlemen are all overly handsome). But these two in particular, it turns out, left SA not too long after I did. The idea has been floated to get together and crash the next reunion. Uh…that would be the …tenth. Yeah. I bet we do it. Unless we forget. What am I forgetting??

Yes, 1982. Back then, Friday night was high school football night. Sure, it’s kind of the same the country over but our’s was better. The high schoolers, of course, participated in the games. We of the younger set just tagged along and had fun. Cooler nights. Hot chocolate. Cheerleaders. And … shotguns.

You see, back then in Starkville, the forces of communism and wussification were yet unknown in America. Or, if they were known, they were still far away and hiding in their closets. Every year, at around this time of year, one Friday night football game was special. On that night the athletic boosters raffled off a shiny new shotgun. This brought out every man in the county. My dad never won but he was always there.

The raffle was held at half-time. Up until then the gun was displayed down near the concession stand. Every boy, every boy at heart, and most women ventured by to have a look at it. Seems to me it was always a semi-auto 12, maybe a Remington 1100 or a Browning.

It was a gun. It was at a school. It was there officially and on purpose. Everyone loved it. It served a good and worthy cause. And nobody thought twice about it – unless they bought two raffle tickets. That was my America.

As Meatloaf put it:

“It was long ago and it was far away,
And it was so much better than it is today.”

Today having a gun, any gun, at any school is a crime. 10,000 sissies, control freaks, weirdos and assorted losers stand ready to shriek, scream and cry about the micro-aggression of it all. Goshdarn it! I miss my country.

But, wait. What if things aren’t really all that different today? Could it be that in this one little corner of the Magnolia State a shred of freedom still lingers?

I had to check. I consulted the SA website (very professional, btw). Low and behold! I found this:

Starkville Academy, 2016.

And this:

SA.

Oh. My. God. There is a Santa Clause. Heaven is for real. Shove it all the way up your gun-grabbin, fascist butts; they still do it! And now they give a gun away every day for the whole damn month of October!!!!

And look at that grand prize – the gun – we might say. The one for Friday the 18th. A Berreta A400 Extreme. Like this one:

Beretta. 

Nice. Very nice.

But still not as nice as knowing a little chunk of the old world still survives. Unhindered? Maybe not. I noticed in the small print, above, that the guns must be picked up elsewhere. Maybe that’s just for the dailies. Maybe the main event still happens at half-time. Maybe my ladies and I will find out for sure come the next reunion.

Whatever it is, I’m just happy as a clam – and I had to stop and dance twice during this writing – about the story. Americans: 1; Wimps: 0. I’ll take what I can get.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to scrape together some ticket money.