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PERRIN LOVETT

~ Deo Vindice

PERRIN LOVETT

Tag Archives: dating

Congratulations! You’re “Dating” a Nigerian Prince

10 Sunday Nov 2019

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ Comments Off on Congratulations! You’re “Dating” a Nigerian Prince

Tags

culture, dating, dating APPS, decline, robots, society

I recently had the high honor of conversing with some teenaged American zombies. One of them boasted to his friends of a “girlfriend” he “met” through an App. He indicated the relationship was getting serious despite the 2,000 miles(!) between the pair. I casually mentioned the three very real girls seated nearby, the presence of which the boys seemed oblivious. Over the pecking of screens, I don’t think they heard me.

The sad news, if this isn’t all sad enough, is that the California dream girl on the App might not even be a real girl. Or even human.

Steve Dean, an online dating consultant, says the person you just matched with on a dating app or site may not actually be a real person. “You go on Tinder, you swipe on someone you thought was cute, and they say, ‘Hey sexy, it’s great to see you.’ You’re like, ‘OK, that’s a little bold, but OK.’ Then they say, ‘Would you like to chat off? Here’s my phone number. You can call me here.’ … Then in a lot of cases those phone numbers that they’ll send could be a link to a scamming site, they could be a link to a live cam site.”

Malicious bots on social media platforms aren’t a new problem. According to the security firm Imperva, in 2016, 28.9% of all web traffic could be attributed to “bad bots” — automated programs with capabilities ranging from spamming to data scraping to cybersecurity attacks.

As dating apps become more popular with humans, bots are homing in on these platforms too. It’s especially insidious given that people join dating apps seeking to make personal, intimate connections.

Please note that these bots are not the kind that looks like Scarlett Johansson. It’s just code in a phone some bum uses to con you out of a dollar. Ignoring real girls + Tinder bots = extinction-level event?

And You Thought Your Ex Was Crazy

12 Saturday May 2018

Posted by perrinlovett in News and Notes

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

crazy, dating, society, texting

65,000 reasons to shun those dating apps:

What started as a potential relationship on a dating site ended in a stalking nightmare for one Paradise Valley man.

PV police say the victim met 31-year-old Jacqueline Claire Ades of Phoenix online and went on a date with her.

But things quickly went awry.

After that date, police say Ades began texting the man constantly, sending him more than 65,000 text messages. The victim told police sometimes she would send up to 500 texts a day.

Police say some of those messages were threatening. …

Only some were threatening. Maybe like 46,000. A misunderstanding, most likely – a true tribute to the dedication of Cupid…

The butcher knife makes it 65,001 reasons.

On the plus side, she must be one hell of a typist. And she’s still single, guys!

16736972_G

Crazy woman.

Why I Don’t Do Internet Dating

05 Tuesday Sep 2017

Posted by perrinlovett in Other Columns

≈ Comments Off on Why I Don’t Do Internet Dating

Tags

culture, dating, government, internet, Ron Paul, society, Tinder

I was all set to run with a friendly evening warning from Ron Paul about the dangers of government during and after the dangers of a storm or disaster. See: Paul says Gubmint Bad!

True. But not as interesting as the following:

When it comes to internet or app dating I usually think about dullness, crazies, tubbies, has beens, and maybe the occasional serial killer. From now on I’ll think about this: Man’s Tinder date gets stuck upside-down in window trying to grab her own poo. Hmmmm…

Who says romance is dead? A Tinder date ended with the unforgettable spectacle of a young woman stuck upside-down in a window, trying to grab her own poo.

The unnamed – but athletic – girl ended up upside down inside the window after making a valiant effort to get rid of a massive poo she’d done which had blocked the bog.

Why not just break it up with the toilet brush, like any sane person?

The unnamed girl had been for a romantic meal at Nando’s with student Liam Smyth, 24, before they went back to his place for a nightcap.

But a bizarre chain of events unfolded after she went to the toilet and blocked the pan.

In panic, she picked up the stool and threw it out the window – but it fell down into a narrow gap.

…

I’m Perrin Lovett and I say romance is dead. Dead or going down the toilet. I really can’t tell. Is it swipe right or wipe right?

Epic poo problem

Not the gymnastics I like out of a girl… A sad corner of the interwebs.

The poor poo-chaser accomplished the dirty job but got stuck in the window. She was retrieved by firemen. The window was smashed. The date went on – I suppose.

So, is this sort of thing that one places on a dating “profile?” “Acrobatic dung disposal maven….” “My heart and toilet overflow….” “Looking for Mr. Plumber…” “Don’t call me. I’ll call… Call the fire brigade!” “Let’s poo this again…”

Not-so-Tender

Plenty of Crap

E-Toiletry

I have never been on or used any electronic dating service. And, with this story, that isn’t likely to change.

I kind of understand the allure of these sites. After my divorce I waited a while then ventured into the “real” dating world. Or, should I say, ventured into some strange alien planet. What the hell happened to you people while I was out?!

Nine tattoos, three psychotropic drugs, three convictions, and two kids/live-in exes/cats/whatever (all by 23!) isn’t exactly what I’m looking for in a woman. The good news (ha!) is that I seem to be a crazy magnet and the pool has gone utterly insane. The bad news (yeah) is that I seem to be a crazy magnet and the pool has gone utterly insane. I see a quality, not quantity, problem.

Things like Tinder seem to me just a virtual reality version of the nut house/bar scene – but maybe worse.

That’s my first defense against on-line “love”: I don’t need it. I have no shortage of available options (usually hot, almost always loony); it’s just a matter of my … tolerance.

Second, I’m a Sigma (just found out about that designation!). We cause problems but we never have problems. Okay, we have them – we just don’t care.

Lastly … did you read the freak show story above!?

“How’d the date go? Get to second base? Third? All the way?!!!”

“Naaah. We got stuck in the toilet under the stands. Fire department came. No biggie. Got her number.”

You can keep this big steaming pile of dung. A literal, actual pile of …

Now, please tell me YOUR success story with (fill in the blank) service! How the picture was only 15 years and 40 pounds out of date. How she only turned out to be a he once. How you only got stabbed that one time. Stuff like that. Go on…

Perrin Lovett

From Green Altar Books, an imprint of Shotwell Publishing

From Green Altar Books, an imprint of Shotwell Publishing

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