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If not for Mexico, the Empire would rank dead last on a list of best and worst nations in which to raise children. Ironically, these days only Mexicans raise families in the dead US.

The metrics of the survey are a little suspect, though the Empire’s overall placement is about right. If not for a C+ in “happiness,” a D- in “health,” and a “C+” in “education,” we’d rate straight Fs. The education score by itself suggests something is very off in the methodology; ed in the USE should be an F-. The happiness score is probably what it is thanks to copious drug and alcohol usage and the fact that, like ignorance, wicked stupidity may also be bliss. Healthcare is about right.

So, congratulations! You’re number 34! You’re number 34!

Note that many of my suggested escape countries rank way ahead of the dying nation-shape kind of place between Canada and Mexico. Again, the measurements are somewhat suspect – for instance, number 20 Poland only rates one letter grade better than Amerika in education despite the fact that they, for much less money, outscore the vibrant kidz n ‘Murica in every measurable category. Poland’s happiness index being lower suggests a certain bias or poor sampling. Whatever. Oh, that also reminds me that I should have worked on the end of my series. Soon, kids, soon.