Another great coronary corollary you won’t find anywhere else:
Greetings, beloved readers! Fire up a cigar and join Old Perrin once again for another jaunt into the affairs that shape and shake the nation. I invite the fumar cigarros out of devotion, taste, and concern for general well-being. It’s not a secret that your humble writer relishes the better leaves of Nica, the DR, and Cuber; many of these amalgams of dishonesty and fantasy are smoke-powered.
It’s hard to imagine in 2019 but there are some troglodytes around who still frown on Godly tobacco. Personal preferences are one thing. But to slander an entire species of plant is another. And, I’ve noticed one thing about many or most of the slanderers – they tend to be at least a little tubby and more than a little out of shape.
Nosir, Bub, my cigar will not harm me. Your super-jumbo slurpee, on the other hand, might just do you in. Obesity = Cancer. Health Europa reports that “According to new studies, excess body weight is an established cause of cancer, currently known to be linked to 13 cancers.” Mind you, that these were European scientists investigating American health. That’s understandable seeing as how we have a … larger problem here than they do across the pond.
The average American woman of 2018 is roughly the same weight as the average American man of 50 years ago. The average American man is now roughly the same weight (and shape) as a 1968 model Pacific Walrus (O. R. Divergens). I tried to get stats on today’s Walrus girth but it seems the last one was eaten by a couple of average modern Americans (We. R. Chubbies).