I mentioned this one and then left it simmer. Maybe a little dated now but here it is: I needed something to robo-post… funny, I think:
Robert Mugabe, the Warlord in Chief of
Zimbabwe Post-Rhodesia, had an American woman jailed for telling the truth about him. I haven’t done a quick fire in a while so I thought I dedicate this one to the old thug. Well, most of it. But, first:
Donald Trump does Japan. Word has it thousands of terrified locals ran about screaming, “Orangezilla! Orangezilla!” Could have been a coincidence…
The ATF and FBI, on-scene at the Texas church today, issued a joint statement about the crime: “Koresh set the fires! We’re here to save the children or what’s left of them. Reno said the tanks were legal… Oh… it’s… it’s 2017. Wheeeeeew. Not terrorism.”
To my statist liberal and cuckservative friends: The FBI alleged MLK was a complete degenerate. Is it time to admit maybe “your” government is always infallible? Or, is it now time to tear down those monuments. Y’all lemme know. I’m good either way.
A wayward (and soon to be SJW’d) Starbucks employee saved America from Antifa yesterday. For each of the “protest” localities he ran the following message: “Out of soy latte.” Good on ya, bub.
Donna Brazile said HRC and Co. treated her like “Patsy the slave” during the 2016 election. Hillary was rumored to have been talking with Robert Byrd’s ghost on the Ouija Board around the same time.
Some call for banning guns. Others say ban terrorists. No one says ban trucks. Why not just call it all even and make murder illegal???
Arthur Blank has confessed to innocence on the part of his kneeling birdies. He understandably claims they didn’t know it was a protest or solidarity move; they just figured kneeling down was what losers do.
Robert Mueller has a case of constipation no indictment will cure.
AND NOW … Mugabe.
No word on why the young NYU grad was in
Rhodesia Zimbabwe Hell. Her business, that. She maybe should have read Mencken on people hating the truth, powerful people in especial. She said Mugabe was a “sick man.” Okay, they hate half truths. The “sick” part is spot on – in so many ways. Sick “man” though? Come on, sweetie. We’re dealing a little to the left on the evolution chart here.
Ugly: adjective, unpleasant or repulsive, especially in appearance. See this:
Is is “Mugabe”? or “Mugaboo”? Mug – A – Boo. He mugs a lot of boos. All of them in fact.
Mugabe’s picture adorns Zimbabwe’s $100 Upmty-trillion Bill, currently sufficient to buy half a slice of bread.
UPDATE: Thanks to Mugabe’s stellar agricultural management, there is currently no bread in Zimbabwe. Save your money!
If not for periodic catheterization and his weekly prostate massage, Mugabe would have no social life at all.
If Obama had a really haggard, crusty old grandpa, who wrecked a formerly prosperous nation and looks like he lives in the back of a garbage truck, he’d look a lot like Mugabe.
How long is an eternity? Right now, it’s looking like 93 years.
NEWSFLASH!!!! Mugabe hit on Kevin Spacey last Friday night. Spacey is now straight as a board. And still vomiting.
If Hitler had been black he would have looked a lot like Mugabe – minus the flies.
A mislead yokel happily reported to Mugabe that the last white farmer had been run out on a rail. The young man then stammered that food was now a little low. He asked the dictator innocently, “what shall we eat?” Mugabe replied with a hungry grin, “you.”
Mugabe not so secretly hates his subjects. He recently denigrated one for having the audacity to die of starvation on the hood of Mugabe’s Rolls.
Mugabe is the one man reason for every single African refugee in the world. Can you blame them?
Mosquitoes are bad for Zika. Zika is bad for babies. Mugabe is bad for all three. Balance?
In 1994 Queen Elizabeth made the monumental mistake of knighting Mugabe. He stole the sword…
Late at night in the ghettos, now everywhere that isn’t Mugabe’s palace, hopeless Zimbabweans pray for deliverance – to the ghost of Ian Smith. (Not making that one up.)
Scorpions and asps tell Mugabe fables to keep their crawling and slithering children in line.
The only thing more wonderful than calling Mugabe a sick man would be to honestly call him a dead man.
Mugabe’s economic “reforms” hit the GDP so hard, they felt it back in old Rhodesia. Trans-quantum theft and corruption. Got to be a first!
An Ogre-faced Spider (Deinopidea Scariness-ia), largest and meanest in Zimbabwe, screamed like a little girl one day. It saw Mugabe in its shoe.
A team of time-traveling archeologists from the future wanted to study the meteor strike killed the dinosaurs and devastated the planet. They landed in Mugabe’s Zimbabwe by mistake. “Close enough,” their leader said.
And that’s close enough for us now…
* Got a few score drafts hanging around. I also owe some book reviews. Time to catch up?