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Al Franken: He’s gropey enough, he’s grabbey enough, and doggone it, you’d better wear body armor if you fall sleep around him.

No doubt Mitch McConnell, Ivanka, the WSJ, and The Jeb will immediately call for his resignation. ……. Hahahahaha! No.

Anyway, Al probably needs money. Send money.

Roy Moore: I met Roy Moore (briefly) one time after he gave a speech. He did nothing untoward. I also had dinner one night with his former colleague, Hon. Harold See. I didn’t know who Moore was at the time and we did not discuss him or any alleged … proclivities. The man certainly failed to confide in me any rumors of strange mall walkings.

Anyway, Roy probably needs money. Send money.

Robert Mugabe: I’ve never met the man although I did once catch an ugly, cross-eyed flounder that kind of looked like him. His atrocities I have read about, maybe more extensively than the average. I still detest the filth. I am happy to learn he is under house arrest and “negotiating” his retirement.

HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — In the first round of negotiations over how President Robert Mugabe will leave power, the Zimbabwean leader met Thursday with the army commander who put him under house arrest and mediators, including South African Cabinet ministers and a Catholic priest.

Meanwhile, an emergency summit of heads of state of regional countries was called by the 16-nation Southern African Development Community and is expected to formalize the terms of Mugabe’s exit.

It takes a village to fire an idiot.


Almost as good as “Mugabe Under House.” AP.

A short preview of my forthcoming, Mugabe-centered piece (which will require necessary post-arrest revision):

Is is “Mugabe”? or “Mugaboo”? Mug – A – Boo. He mugs a lot of boos. All of them in fact.

Mugabe’s picture adorns Zimbabwe’s $100 Upmty-trillion Bill, currently sufficient to buy half a slice of bread.

UPDATE: Thanks to Mugabe’s stellar agricultural management, there is currently no bread in Zimbabwe. Save your money!

If not for periodic catheterization and his weekly prostate massage, Mugabe would have no social life at all. (Firehat, RIP!)

If Obama had a really haggard, crusty old grandpa, who wrecked a formerly prosperous nation and looks like he lives in the back of a garbage truck, he’d look a lot like Mugabe – but still not as bad.

Anyway, Robert probably needs money. Send rope.


Grab ’em by the flak jacket! And why have I never heard of Leeann Tweeden before?! Purdy!! KABC.