This is a lovely Spring – a high compliment from a late Fall guy.

Is the NSA watching me through my Chromebook camera as I pick my nose? (Don’t really care.)

I see reverence in Clovers for some German driving laws, like NO right turns on red no matter what. Why can’t they honor the passing lane law too?

If a fat person dresses poorly and no one is around to watch TV, is it still ‘Merica?

One can tell a lot about a town by its political yard signs; mine is in ruins, yours is too.

Just as meat companies know a certain percentage of their products will be rat, fecal matter, and foreign substances, drug companies know a certain percentage of patients using their dope will succumb to heart attacks, cancers, and other maladies. They call this progress.

What this country needs is a good $5 cigar. Or a lack of inflation.

I called the Privilege Institute (real thing) and let them know I was thrilled about their upcoming White Privilege Conference (real thing also) and the thought of celebrating whiteness. They seemed put out; I am confused.

Finally, I think I am beginning to understand what Aristotle meant by “a beast or a god”.

Well, spike my hair and pop a collar: only 64 more years until the 80s are back.

The Hobbit, The Force Awakens, and Dawn of Justice were colossal disappointments. Hollywood hates my childhood. I could be jaded. Probably both.

How many tattoos before one begins to resemble a homeless, unemployed tribal shaman? Where’s the wise old owl?

Watching the Kentucky Derby confirmed my suspicions: America has become a land of sluts, queers, and portly idiots. The horses looked slow by comparison.

Today I am 70 pounds lighter than my fattest former self (27% loss, btw). 70 pounds is another small person. I wonder where he is now? I hope he doesn’t vote.

Anyone know the statute of limitations for walking a dog in public in Mississippi, sans diaper?

Evidence is mounting that the time is near to deep six Facebook.

Three months is a long time to prepare or so I would have said three months ago. Man, time flys.

And, the thoughts have ended.