It never ceases to amaze me how bad most people drive these days.  Folks too incompetent to be trusted with a gun or heavy equipment are routinely allowed to operate automobiles which are considerably more dangerous than most weapons of war. Worse, these fools on wheels continually express contempt and disdain for those of us who can actually motor responsibly.

Last week I had a run in (almost literally) with one of these self-righteous clovers.  At lunch I innocently drove over to a gas station to refuel the SUV.  Ahead of me on the road was a Ford Explorer weaving along about ten miles per hour below the speed limit. A clover to be sure it was.

Clover cruised drunkenly past the gas station and I happily pulled in.  I headed towards the second pump so as to make my exit a little easier.  Out of the corner of my right eye I noticed the Explorer execute an insane 180 degree turn.  Now traveling at the speed limit (though in a parking lot) the Ford screeched to a stop inches from my front bumper.

At this point I noticed a Georgia Tech tag on the intruder’s front bumper.  Clovers are generally none too bright and certainly not mechanically inclined.  I was perplexed.  Then I noticed an ugly woman in the driver’s seat.  She was glaring at me with a look of seething hate.  I did not know why but I understood that she thought I had invaded “her” pump.  Clovers are often possessive without cause.  Being a nice guy I smiled and waved to her.  Then I backed up to the other pump, allowing her access to “her” pump.  She aggressively charged forward – she would have almost pushed me backwards.  Oh well, live and let live…

(It’s her road.  Move!  Google.)

It turns out we both had business inside at the register.  I politely waited behind her in line whilst another clover gambled away its disability money on lottery tickets.  Ford Tech Cloveress (both ugly and fat) then turned around and looked me up and down. She snorted, “Do you always drive like that?!”  Like that.  It’s always our fault.  No matter what…  Yes, I drive like that.  I obey the rules of the road.  I go where I will without bothering anyone.  I politely help even the most obnoxious clovers at the gas station.

With growing irritation I looked at her and said, “You mean in a car? … Yeah.”  The angry little hippo then rolled her eyes, stamped a hoof and turned back around.  The Gambler scratched away, oblivious to the world.  A fly flew by.

Ticking like a bomb, Clover stewed and turned again.  She, in grunting fashion, began to lecture me about the perils of not making way for clovers.  She explained she worked at a hospital.  She stamped another hoof.  I listened patiently all the while regretting my decision to leave the house without a pistol.  When she stopped to gasp for breath I said, “Thanks for the lesson!” in happiest tone.

Finally, the decrepit numerologist at the counter ran out of luck or money and shuffled out the door. Clover then proceeded to order some gasoline for her mobile battering ram and two packs of cigarettes.  Of course, a health care worker/professor would also be a smoker.

A few minutes later, outside, as I paid homage to OPEC, Clover finished up and heaved her impressive girth into the driver’s seat of her weapon of mass annoyance.  I looked over and waved.  I yelled, smiling, “Have a great day!”  She bellowed something about being safe and respectfully and sped off.  I assume she slowed to a crawl once on the road.  She was then someone else’s problem and peril.

Lord Jesus be praised, I will likely never see this filthy witch again.  However, I know that every single day I will meet other, similar moron highwaymen (and women).

Absent the wonders of modern science (thank you, Georgia Tech) these idiots would have long ago succumbed to the terminal effects of Darwinian selection.  The moral to be learned from this little story is …. Well …. maybe there is no moral.  Nothing to know. Nothing to help.

For you and I, the sane, responsible and courtesy, all we can do is get out of the way and grin and bear it.  I rest my case.  Or, something….