It’s not age that makes people fat.

“Metabolic rate is really stable all through adult life, 20 to 60 years old,” said study author Herman Pontzer, an associate professor of evolutionary anthropology at Duke University and author of “Burn,” a new book about metabolism. “There’s no effect of menopause that we can see, for example. And you know, people will say, ‘Well when I hit 30 years old, my metabolism fell apart.’ We don’t see any evidence for that, actually.”

Well, there goes the long-standing science we can always trust. Still, there are plenty of other excuses left – big bones, no self-control, the munchies, big is beautiful, the thyroid, hey-I’m-‘murican, etc.